Woody Harrel-bale

This movie review is approved by me

Yesterday I went to see a movie by the name of Zombieland. I hadn’t heard of this movie until a few months ago when Woody Harrelson punched a photographer and used the excuse that he had just filmed a zombie movie and he had mistaken the guy for a zombie. This movie was great. GREAT I TELL YOU! I laughed through most of the movie yet it still managed to make me jump a couple of times. The kid from Superbad and Adventureland is more likeable in this movie. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still the akward virgin like in his other movies but he doesn’t annoy me so much when he’s shooting zombies. Woody Harrelson was great in this movie, it really wouldn’t have been the same without him.

I don’t really have to tell you what the movie is about because zombie movies all have the same plot. What I do have to tell you is that I haven’t had this much fun at a movie in a long time. Everybody in the theater enjoyed themselves and you will to. Do yourself a favor and go see this movie.

Oh Just Take My Word For It Already, You Were Going To Anyway.

No, Skimming Rainbow is not the latest thrill available on the Craigslist casual encounters board. (Except if you like doing it in the bookstore.)  It’s just what I’m calling this roundup of links from the week. Now that Reading Rainbow is off the air, this is the most important literature available to you.

Making it work, Weekend-At-Bernie's style.

According to the rest of the internet this week:

• Project Runway sucked this week.
• Woody Harrelson (stop yawning and read) smokes pot and justifies his drug use with our drug use. JNLYBJJ. (Judge not lest ye be Judge Judy, © stopthemadness)
• Spencer Pratt committed the unpardonable doosh. So doom! (Just in case he wasn’t already going to hell for this comment.)
• Gerard Butler refuses to make any films he’ll be remembered for.
• The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Danielle Staub is selling her house in glamorous Wayne, NJ: Home of the Chinese restaurant where I used to get drunk.
• Am I the only one who didn’t realize Janet and Jermaine had broken up?
• An X-Factor reject got plastic surgery after being criticized once by Simon Cowell, which begs the question, why exactly did she think she was ready to be famous?

P.S. Happy Labor Day!

Time to Nut Up or Shut Up

I love me some zombies, be they in film or fiction. Here is the Red Banner trailer for Woody Harrelson’s new zombie comedy. You know, the one that caused Woody to attack a real person at LaGuardia Airport because he thought the guy was a photographer zombie. It’s is restricted, however it’s mostly NSFW (not safe for work) language, but there is a scene with a zombie stripper running in slow motion with pasties on. So use your own judgment as to where and when you want to view it.

You will need to enter your birthday to view the trailer. If you forgot what it is, just enter July 4, 1776. That worked for me.

Just Horsin’ Around

Considering how rough Owen Wilson’s life has been lately, what with the drugs and the rehab and the whatnot, it’s kind of cute to see him hangin’ with the boys.  And by “hanging with,” I mean “rough housing.”  And by “rough housing, ” I mean, “shenanigans.”  And by “shenanigans,” I mean “horse play.”

Speaking of “rough housing” and “horse play” has anyone ever heard those words used when not being yelled by a lifeguard at a pool?

Me neither.

(more…)

I guess they went hungry.

When one thinks of great male method actors names like Marlon Brando, Robert DeNiro, Daniel Day Lewis and, of course, Woody Harrelson come to mind. He arrived at LaGuardia Airport with his 12-year-old daughter, when he saw a pale, shuffling man lumber toward them. Steeped in Strasbergian preparation, he immediately thought the rumpled mass was a zombie, and acted accordingly. He heroically bounded after the zombie and pushed the zombie’s camera into his face, breaking both in the process. You see, his psyche had not yet transitioned from his latest role as Albuquerque in Zombieland. Unfortunately, the zombie was really a paparazzi. Harrelson explained, “With my daughter at the airport, I was startled by a paparazzo who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie.”

FLOTUS Floozies: Part Two

As I ranted two days ago, Michelle Obama is catching flack in the media for being too sexy–for daring to go sleeveless.  What the media fails to realize is that there are presidential prostitutes aplenty.

Yesterday, I recounted the first five FLOTUS (First Ladies of the United States) Floozies.  Well, dear readers, it’s time to crack open another cold can of awesome.

Here are your final five floozies, in no particular order:

Harriet Lane

Harriet Lane—an obvious temptress—served as FLOTUS during her uncle James Buchanan’s presidency, making her the only FLOTUS in history who didn’t have to screw her way into the White House.

(more…)