A Valentine’s Day for for almost everyone

(more…)

From all of us at Thundersquee!  (Except Angry Black Lady.)

In which Gwyneth Paltrow runs our lives

I’m sure you’ve all heard, at some point, about GOOP, the “lifestyle” website and newsletter created by Gwyneth Paltrow. Its premise is fairly simple: Gwyneth provides readers with invaluable guidance in how to live, what to see, things to eat, and what to buy. So basically, she micromanages us worse than our mothers, but in a much less practical fashion.

Gwyneth, I don’t doubt that your heart is in the right place, but your advice sucks. And I think, each week, I’m going to devote some time to examining just how much.

(more…)

In which Robert Pattinson is still not the Bitch’s valentine: The Turf Edition

I promised some non-seafoody recipes - and I have two simple ones for you.

The first, filet mignon with a port reduction/blue cheese accompaniment, is incredibly luxurious - the second, a simple fondue, won’t break your budget.

(more…)

Whateva, Whateva, I Do What I Want!

Hoards of women in India are fighting back against the female militant group, Sri Ram Sena, which radically opposes women going to bars with men. Ram Sena calls the boozers “immoral” and believes they should stay home and play the Suzy Homemaker role. Not only are these “loose women” publicly disagreeing with Ram Sena but they are planning a Valentine’s Day Pub Crawl to prove their independence. To top it all off, they will be sending care packages with pink panties to the radical and outspoken militants. I’m not sure if this last part is entirely necessary, seeing as the Ram Sena already have their panties in a bunch. Hi-yooooooo!

Your Valentine’s Day Menu, Part Un

The Kitchen Bitch firmly maintains that slaving over a hot stove for hours just to impress your date is tomfoolery. She also firmly maintains that you can make a wonderful meal for your valentine without breaking a sweat.

In honor of The Holiday That Shall Not Be Named, the Kitchen Bitch presents the first in a two-part series of easy, romantic menus for your valentine…whether he’s Robert Pattinson (le sigh) or not.

Cooking for someone is an incredibly intimate thing – even more so if you cook in front of them. When the Bitch met her fiancé, she was so nervous the first time he came over for dinner that it took her 2 hours to make the meal.

But it’s thoughtful and meaningful, and it also allows for quiet, quality time that doesn’t involve sitting in a restaurant surrounded by other couples who succumb to the notion that only one day of the year is meant to be romantic.

(more…)

Simultaneously funny and disturbing - a winning combination!

Occasionally Thundersquee! comes across something truly bizarre in the course of our fantastic voyage (ride, ride, slip and slide) across the netherregions of the Interwebs.

This is one such thing.

Behold - Tampon arts and crafts!

(A special shout out to my friend Rebecca, who discovered and shared this genius with me.)

(more…)

Valentine’s Day?  Already? Again?  Fuck.

Whelp, it’s that time of year, people.   Valentine’s Hallmark Day is right around the corner!!!!

Here’s to spending a dumb amount of money to buy your significant other crap s/he probably doesn’t even want. Here’s to corporate America attempting to brainwash you into thinking that your boyfriend doesn’t love you unless he buys you some flowers that will see the inside of a trash bin within a week. Here’s to DeBeer’s making you believe that if he really loved you, he’d buy you a diamond. Diamonds that, according to the Gospel of Leonardo DiCaprio, have the blood of Africans on them.

(more…)