Or High Class Call Girl?

OK magazine is reporting that Katie will get 75 million dollars to pop out another Cruise clone. I can’t say I blame her. Hell, for 75 million I’d find a way to have Tom’s baby and pretend to be into Scientology. Hell, I’d do it for waay less than that. (call me Tom)

A lot of people think they have a sham marriage.  Rumors of marriage contracts and money trading hands doesn’t do anything to dispel that. You never heard about this crap when he was married to Nicole Kidman or Mimi Rogers. I think Tom knows what he has to do. It’s OK Tom. People still accepted you after all this Scientology bullshit. No one is going to think any less of you. Personally, I couldn’t possible think any less of him than I do now. I can’t be the only one who feels that way, so it’s really a win win situation for him. Besides, it’s best he does it on his own terms before Suri does it to establish dominance over him.

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Hold my calls during my Spielberg meeting, unless it’s Santa. Then only put him through if he is ready to accept MY terms for his surrender.

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Tom Cruise Auditions for Twilight

(Thanks to mme marbles for the tip!)

views: 117

I’m sorry but if I saw this coming at me on a dark night in an Applebee’s parking lot, I’d brick it in the face and ask questions later. I guess Leighton Meester learned to put makeup on at clown college.

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Linky-loos you can use.

Maine repealed its same sex marriage law by a narrow margin yesterday.  And let me tell you; Sarah’s vagina is angry about it. If you want to avoid her labial wrath, here’s a guide to what’s good for you: Five Movies That Might Encourage Narrow-Minded Assholes to Vote for Same Sex Marriage. Pajiba.

Hey, Dallas cheerleader-lady?  It’s never a good idea to dress up in blackface for Halloween.  Unless you’re a dude dressing up like a dude playing the dude disguised as another dude.  Now that would be meta.  But you probably don’t know what meta means.  Deadspin.

The world according to Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC): The only thing we have to fear is… the health care reform bill.  That shit is scarier than terrorism.  (Her words, not mine.)  America Blog.

Nicole Kidman claims to be in to kinky sex.  Since she was married to Tom Cruise for ten years, and Keith Urban for the past three, I’d say she’s a gottdamn liar.  Unless by “kinky sex” means “heavy botox.”  Lainey Gossip.

Dooshtastic Father of the Year, Michael Lohan released taped phone conversations with his daughter, Lindsay during which she sobs: “No one cares about me. They don’t, by the way. It’s about how they feel, not how I feel. It’s not about me. It’s never been about me, unless I fight for it.” Oh Linds.  I’m still pulling for you. But your knee pad leggings aren’t helping.  I’m jus’ sayin’.  D Listed.

Miss Thang, Carrie Prejean settled her lawsuit with the pageantry peeps because she was afeared that her  sex tape would be released.  TMZ has thus far refused, claiming the shit is naaaaaaaaasty.  Oh, TMZ!  You’re so virtuous.  You are the standard by which all other celebrity gossip rags should be measured.  Now give me the damn Carrie Prejean sex tape, or the bunny gets it.  And please oh please let there be some hypocritical sapphic action all up in there.  Remember when she said this: “I am a Christian, and I am a model. Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos.” My how the pious whore has fallen.  I mean, who doesn’t want to watch a perfect Christian with fake hooters get cornholed by a girl with a strap-on?   I know I do.  Gawker.

Facebook, you’re pissing me off.  Quit suggesting friends to me!  Quit suggesting that I suggest friends to other people!  Quit suggesting I “catch up” with some motherfucker who I’m probably ignoring on purpose!  YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD, FACEBOOK!  Tremendous News.

And that, squeeps, is how it is.

Don’t be so glib!

Someone had the genius to make a Tom/Bale mash-up and it is ahhhhmazing.

Apparently Patrick Bateman was not just created out of thin air.  Sometimes you need to be inspired by a muse for the right inspiration.  Instead of a lovely siren Patrick, I mean, Christian  looked to another other worldly creature to pull from.

Hey, did you know my first name is Christina which is super close to Christian? See, it’s destiny and I’ve loved him since Newsies and Little Women. So if you have any intentions of stepping up then you better just step off or I will break out my fighting nails. Sorry, I got carried away and I apologize. But not really.

Tom Cruise was his choice of crazy to study and emulate. But there seems to be some question about the facts as the dates of his inspiration and when Tom Cruise was on David Letterman are called into question. I shall believe till I hear from my lover.

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There is some serious dark wizardry going on here. How can one photo be so wrong and so right?

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Marilyn Manson might want to lay off the Little Debbies. He's starting to bare a striking resemblance to my Aunt Betty.

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And what of the Tomkitten?

There are some rumors a’ brewin’ about a certain couple getting themselves all divorced and crap.

BlindGossip.com, a gossip site that posts blind items about celebrities and asks its readers to figure them out, threw out this gem under the title She Has Finally Pulled the Chip Out of Her Head:

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Seriously, that is not cool

Tom and Katie are free game as far as I’m concerned, but do you really have to crash a three year old girls’ birthday party via helicopter? Suri can’t help the fact that her parents are kind of batshit crazy; just let her be a kid, if only for one day.

When I was growing up, birthdays were my special day, I can’t imagine having to deal with a freaking helicopter stalking me. She should be eating cake and playing pin the tail on L. Ron or something, not being hounded by people with cameras. You people take her picture every day of her life, can’t you just leave her alone for one day? As much as I dislike Tom Cruise, I still don’t wish this kind of torment on his child; I wouldn’t wish this on any child. Some people make me sick.

What is Suri Thinking?

My bet is, “Come on mom, even I know dad is gay.”

Shocking, no?

While in Brazil to promote his latest movie Valkyrie, Tom thought it
would be a good idea speak the language. Or at least what he thought was
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