Doosh Thunderdome: It’s votin’ time.

So, whaddya reckon?

Rush Limbaugh?

I'm a doosh with a cigar!

Megan Fox?

I'm a doosh with a stupid tattoo!

Sarah Palin?

I'm a four-eyed doosh!

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RUSH LIMBAUGH: Doosh Dossier 

This year has visited a groundswell of doosh upon the hapless heads of Hags and Squeeple alike. A torrential outpouring of vinegar so vast in scope and relentless in attack that it can relate to only this: the countless acts of dooshery, douchestacity, and douchebagelry with which we, in the People’s Republic of Thundersquee!, have been forced to reckon. It ain’t pretty people. We’ve had Kanye Interruptus; Carrie Preach-jean; Jon “Ed Hardy” Gosselin; Rush Oxylimbaugh; Glenn Crazy Eyes Beck; and the list goes on.

Here’s how it will work. For the next couple of weeks, we will recount some of the dooshes catalogued in our year-long category aptly titled “Doosh Watch 2009.” We will then pit the dooshes against each other in the Thunderdome. And you, dear squeeperson, will vote for your least favorite doosh, or-if you prefer a phrase more semantically accurate-the dooshiest doosh as between the dooshes.

Put on your protective goggles, squeeples. You do NOT want to look any of these dooshes in the eye.

So here’s what you do: Assess the dooshery based on our prior blog posts throughout the year and any independent knowledge you may have of a particular doosh’s dooshiness. And then vote! It’s as easy as saying… something that’s easy to say.

We will provide a doosh dossier on each of three Doosh of the Year Nominees throughout the day.  Then at the end of the day (8 p.m. PST-ish) that day, we will open the polls for voting. You vote for the dooshiest of the three. And at the end of the doosh round robin, we will pit our final three nominees against each other and award a Giant Bag of Doosh to our Douche of 2009.  Stay classy, squeeple!

First up are Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, and Megan Fox or as we at Thundersquee! like to call them, the Pig, the Lipstick, and the Pig in Lipstick.

Rush Limbaugh

(1) he’s oh so easy to dislike;

(2) he rules RNC Chairman Michael Steele with a pudgy oxy-filled fist;

(3) he thinks Mexico tried to infect us with pig AIDS;

(4) he makes assholic statements about Sonia Sotomayor and her heritage;

(5) he makes dickish comments about Henry Louis Gates, Jr. being a black militant;

(6) he inspires WTF!?-ism with his musings on  Tiger Woods;

(7) he thinks people who exercise are fucking up the health care system;

(8) he blames Obama for Mark Sanford’s affair;

(9) he blames Obama for Michael Jackson’s death;

(10) he is a racist fuckwit;

How dooshy do you think Limbaugh is?  Ponder the case we’ve made throughout the year, and add your own musings in the comments section.

(Stay tuned throughout the day as we make our case for Sarah Palin and Megan Fox.)

Put on your protective doosh gear, squeeple.

Because opinions are like assholes - and sometimes they ARE assholes.

Expert on the black experience, Rush Limbaugh, took to the air yesterday to describe the “black frame of mind“ for his listeners.  You see, African Americans are being kept down by The Black Man, rather than just The Man.  What is this based on?  A soundbite from Jesse Jackson, of all things.

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But you already knew that.

In a mind-blowing display of tortured logic and with the clarity of, dare I say, a drug addict, Rush Limbaugh took to the air Wednesday and discussed race relations.  As you can imagine it was batshit insane.

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Rush Limbaugh, you wouldn’t know black and militant if it killed you in the face

The other day, Obama made what was, in my view, a mistake in talking about the Cambridge Police Department’s handling of the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, Jr. after his press conference on healthcare.  After speaking for an hour about healthcare reform, Obama took a final question.  Of course it was about Gates’ arrest.  Obama responded that he thought that the police had handled the matter “stupidly.”  It was a dumb thing to do–taking the question in the first place– because it took the focus off the healthcare reform debate.  But OK, fine he said it.  The shit probably done pissed him off.  He made a mistake in talking about it in the first place, but I don’t think what he said is that big of a deal. 

People are all freaking the fuck out, like Obama called the Cambridge PD the KKK.  What, we’re not allowed to criticize cops now?  When they act like fucking idiots?  He didn’t even use the term racist (although, to be honest, I bet my boob that he was thinking it).  But whatever.  He’s a lawyer.  If there’s one thing that any good lawyer has perfected, it’s picking words carefully.  “The Cambridge Police Department acted stupidly.”  There’s no question in my mind that they acted stupidly.  Anytime you arrest a man in his own house after he’s already proven to you that he lives in that house, and after you yourself already believe that the man lives in that house (as Sergeant Crowley, the arresting officer has admitted–for more, check out Gawker’s recap of the situation), then you’re acting stupidly.  Obama didn’t call Sergeant Crowley stupid.  Or racist.  He said that the Cambridge PD acted stupidly.  Which they did.

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Rush “Doosh” Limbaugh continues the Blame Game

Last week I ranted about Rush Limbaugh and the Doosh Brigade blaming everything under the sun on Obama.  Here’s a quick recap:

1. Obama is responsible for the last month’s Holocaust shooting because he’s created a world where it’s ok to be anti-Semitic and pro-Palestinian (because the two are NOT mutually exclusive, right?)

2. Obama’s Hope and Change talk is responsible for the re-election of Mahmoud Ahmadenijad because Obama’s policy failures alerted Iran to the utter FAIL of Hope-iness and Change-iness.

3. Obama’s speech in Cairo–the “apology tour”–is to blame for the re-election of Iranian Ahma-crazy Dude because now Iranians think they can bomb the world to kingdom come, and Obama won’t mind because he’s, like, one of them and stuff.

4. Obama is to blame for the adulterous shenanigans of Mark Sanford because upon the election of Obama, Sanford sunk into despair about the inevitable downfall of America and decided to high-tail it to Argentina.

5. Obama has a secret cult that is taking out Obama’s rivals (Nevada Senator Ensign and South Carolina governor Sanford) by forcing them to bang ladies who aren’t their wives.

Well last week, Limbaugh took it to that ‘notha level:

6. Obama is to blame for Michael Jackson’s death!  Seriously.

According to Rush, all of Michael Jackson’s successes were in the 80s under the the Reagan Golden Era: “Michael Jackson flourished under Reagan, languished under Clinton, and died under Obama.”  That’s right.   Reagan was the true Messiah.

Honestly y’all, I’m going to change my name to Amused Black Lady, because these fools are so far off the reservation, Pocahantas wouldn’t be able to lure them back with promises of hot Native American lovin’, and Sitting Bull wouldn’t be able to find them with his iPhone.

Source.

Don’t Blame it on the Rain or the Boogie–Blame it on Obama!

As the GOP flounders to maintain its relevance amidst dissension and an inability to conceive a message that will resonate with all conservatives (and not just the fucktarded ones), the voice of the Washington Doosh Brigade seems to be rising above the din.  And that voice has one message: Whatever it is, it’s Obama’s fault.

Here are some of the more egregious offenders:

1. Holocaust Museum shooting is the fault of the left with their anti-semitic pro-Palestinian leftist lunacy: Last month, a crazy white supremacist nutjob walked into the Holocaust museum and opened fire, killing a security guard.  One would think that the blame rest solely with that crazy man.  An argument could be made that the increasing “anti-librulz” and “Obama is an Islamofascist terrorist librul socialist” rhetoric propogated by the Washington Doosh Brigade has created the perfect storm for some asshole to go try and shoot up a bunch of Jews.  But no.  Don’t be an idiot.  Of  course, it’s the fault of librulz and, by extension, Obama himself.

According to Henry Biswanger of the Ayn Rand Institute during his appearance on Glenn Beck’s show, “You find on the left now, a lot of pro-Palestinian sentiment and anti-Semitism. It’s no longer unrespectable to be anti-Semitic on the left.”  Right.  It’s hip to be anti-Semitic now.  The left is full of white supremacists.  It all makes sense.

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The Universal Health Care Debate According to Rush Limbaugh

As the debate about universal health care (also known as socialized medicine, commie health care, pinko health care, deathcare, Islamo-fascist health care, and turrorist health care) kicks into high gear, Washington is all abuzz about what Obama is planning to do.  Will he require everyone to be insured?  Will he institute some sort of black ops covert paramilitary program under which black helicopters will circle every residence, offloading paratroopers who will fall from the sky, knock on your door, and demand to see your health insurance card?  Will it be single payer?  Will it be employer-based?  Will it be a health co-op?

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Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh to Keep from Crying

Because daisies are pretty and I'm sick of looking at Sweaty Man.

Rush Limbaugh.  Sigh.  ::shakes head:: Crazy Man No. 1 is now comparing Sonia Sotomayor to David Duke.  Yes.  White Supremacist David Duke.  Former Grand Wizard of the KKK David Duke.  Anti-semitic David Duke.

Not only does she lack the often discussed appropriate judicial temperament, it’s worse than that. She brings a form of bigotry and racism to the court. I don’t care, we’re not supposed to say it, we’re supposed to pretend it didn’t happen, we’re supposed to look at other things but it’s the elephant in the room. The real question here that needs to be asked and nobody on our side from a columnist to a TV commentator to anybody in our party has the guts to ask, how can a president nominate such a candidate? And how can a party get behind such a candidate? That’s what would be asked if somebody were foolish enough to nominate David Duke or pick somebody even less offensive. It is asked.

Is this for real?  I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

And now they’re infecting us with Pig AIDS!

After I watched the Summer Olympics opening ceremony, I was certain that the Chinese were going to take over the world which, when you think about it, wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.  It probably would mean that soup dumplings would be available on every street corner.  And who doesn’t love a delicious soup dumpling?  No one, that’s who.

But now, Fox News and its ilk are trying to convince me that it’s Mexicans who are the evil geniuses.  First, they come over here and take our jerbs.  Next, they pour a bunch of drugs over the border to get us all hooked in order to pacify us so the jerb-takers can do their… er… jerbs.

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Pay your respects to Chairman Maobama!  Start goose-stepping!

As you may have guessed by now, the Angry Black Lady is a kneejerk, bleeding heart liberal. I cried when Obama was elected because just a year earlier during the Clinton/Obama primaries, I’d been talking to my mother, and she said “There’s no way in hell he’ll win the primary.”

Now for a little background, my mom is awesome, amazing, and brilliant. And, she doesn’t take too kindly to bullshit. (Perhaps this is why I became a lawyer–much to her chagrin–to hone my bullshit skills.) For 20 years, this sweet yet cynical middle-aged Jewish woman (she calls herself a “reformed Jew”) has refused to vote because, essentially “the whole system sucks and I don’t want any part of it.”

“They’re all crooks!”

is her battle cry. After Obama won the Democratic Party nomination, my mom said,

“Well there’s no way they’re going to elect a black man president. No way.”

And, when my mom voted in this election for the first time in over twenty years; she made sure to tell me she wasn’t so much voting for Obama as she was against McCain whom she described as “pure evil.”  But I was proud of her anyway.

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Martin Luther King, Jr. Rolls Eyes

On Saturday, during an interview with CNN’s D.L. Hughley, Some Black Guy who is head of the Republican National Committee criticized Rush Limbaugh, calling Limbaugh’s comments at the Conservative Political Action Committee, “incendiary” and “ugly.”  When Hughley referred to Rush Limbaugh as “the de facto leader of the Republican Party,” Michael Steele,  who wasn’t havin’ any of that shit, stated “No he’s not.  I’m the de facto leader of the Republican Party.”

After Rush Limbaugh called Steele’s ass out on the air on Monday, Steele apologized, stating:

“I was maybe a little bit inarticulate. … There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership.  There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership.”

In related news, Mr. Steele’s Ebonics translator was fired, which begs the question,

WHAT THE FUCK IS D.L. HUGHLEY DOING HOSTING A SHOW ON CNN!?!?!?

Hasselbeck as Stupid as Ever

Watch little Lizzy get herself all in a tizzy defending Rush Limbaugh’s asstastic statement that he “hopes Obama fails.”  Watch as she tries to liken Keith Olbermann to Rush Limbaugh.

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I’m at a loss right now. I just watched a program with Rush Limbaugh during which he says he hopes President Obama fails. Now, it’s ok not to like Obama for whatever reason you might have; I’m not going to tell you that your feelings are wrong. However, you need to be rational about this. Obama is our president now, whether you like it or not. If you’re seriously hoping that he fails, then you’re necessarily hoping that America fails. Obama is our leader now; his failure will be our failure. (more…)