“HE WAS WARNED.” - Sarah’s Vagina

Karl Lagerfeld, I don’t think you understand. My vagina has a mind of her own. She cannot be controlled. You see, the warning you were given a couple of months ago was a mercy that few are lucky enough to get. My vagina doesn’t give a fuck about fashion (oh, if I had a Chanel dress for every time we’ve argued bitterly about it… well, I’d be selling them on eBay and eating a WHOLE lot better, for one) but since I do, my vagina was willing to compromise. ONCE.

My vagina heard what you recently said about the popular German women’s magazine Brigitte’s recent decision to stop using professional models in their fashion editorials, opting instead to use “real” women to reconnect with their readers:

Lagerfeld, who has subjected himself to a rigorous slimming schedule, described the magazine’s decision as absurd and said it had fallen victim to overweight women. The 71-year-old designer added: “Nobody wants to see a round woman.”

“You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”

“No one wants to see curvy women,” he was quoted as saying on the website of news magazine Focus.

I’ll tell you, Karl, things aren’t looking good for you right now. I may be sitting here writing this post, but my vagina is on the phone booking a flight to Europe. And she is a fierce, stealthy huntress, Karl! - with lots of scary tricks up her… well, you know. Vagina.

It’s out of my hands now. If I were you, I would do two things.

1) Decide which of your paper fans and high-collared shirts you love the most, and pack them away. If they are on your person when my vagina finds you, they will get messed up.

2) FUCKING RUN.