Personally, I think Barack the Magic Negro is catchier

Matt Fox and AJ Rice, a couple class A dillholes posted the following over at Human Events, a website which touts itself as the “Headquarters for the Conservative Underground”:

Illegals in my yard.
Illegals in my yard.
Illegals in my yard.
Sixteen arrive in a stolen car[...]

They’re getting free organ transplants this Christmas.
They’re going to have anchor babies this Christmas.
They’re going to scream “sí, se puede” this Christmas.
Those illegals in my yard[...]

They’re going to spread bubonic plague this Christmas.
They’re going to bring me lots of bed bugs this Christmas.
They’re going to pass tuberculosis this Christmas.
Those illegals in my yard.

Aaaaaand, as soon as your head is finished exploding, take a gander at the comments section.  It’s enough to make me want to set myself on fire.  The only bit that saved me was this comment gem:

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If you don’t think Sarah Palin is qualified to be President…then you’re probably gay.

You betcha!

Or at least according to the legions of whackos in the comments section of Free Republic.

The GOP has a problem… the howling and screaming coming from the most insanely neocon faction of its party is growing louder. That voice includes the mind-numbingly annoying shriek of Sarah Palin who, despite being totally incompetent, looks like a likely candidate for either the GOP or for some nascent Tea Party Party, even though members of her own party refuse to say out loud that she is qualified. It’s like saying “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a mirror; the likelihood is that nothing bad will happen, but it’s best to keep your yap trapped on the off chance you’ll turn around and find some crazy lady humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic while wielding a bloody knife rifle.

Last month Haley Barbour, Mississippi Governor and President of the Republican Governor’s Association wouldn’t/couldn’t say she was qualified. A couple days ago, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor also dodged the question.

People. SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED.

Here’s how the exchange should go when a question about Sarah Palin’s presidential qualifications is posed:

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As if we didn’t know.

Nineteen Republican House members have introduced a resolution that would remind us not to mess with Christmas because it’s awesome and it will kick your ass.  OK, it doesn’t say that, but seriously?  Are we still talking about this fake war on Christmas?   Don’t these people have something better to do?

Whereas Christmas is a national holiday celebrated on December 25; and

Whereas the Framers intended that the First Amendment of the Constitution, in prohibiting the establishment of religion, would not prohibit any mention of religion or reference to God in civic dialog: Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives-

(1) recognizes the importance of the symbols and traditions of Christmas;

(2) strongly disapproves of attempts to ban references to Christmas; and

(3) expresses support for the use of these symbols and traditions by those who celebrate Christmas.

To be fair, the Democrats are just as stupid, having sponsored a bill celebrating the 2,560th birthday of Confucius last month.  Seriously?  How about fixing the damn economy.  How about fixing healthcare.  How about doing SOMETHING.

I’m fed up y’all.

Because opinions are like assholes - and sometimes they ARE assholes.

Expert on the black experience, Rush Limbaugh, took to the air yesterday to describe the “black frame of mind“ for his listeners.  You see, African Americans are being kept down by The Black Man, rather than just The Man.  What is this based on?  A soundbite from Jesse Jackson, of all things.

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Gay Marriage

Look, I know that gay is the new black, but maybe we can avoid a bloody battle and come to a solution on this issue. I see no argument for denying gay marriage. I have two points:

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White People Think He’s Scary and Black People Think He’s a Damn Fool

Michael Steele is a bit of a noob.  He lives in Gaffe City with Joe Biden.  Recently he said that white Republicans are scared of him.  Oh yeah.  He said that shit in a recent interview with Roland Martin for TV One:

MARTIN: One of the criticisms I’ve always had is Republicans — white Republicans — have been scared of black folks.

STEELE: You’re absolutely right. I mean I’ve been in the room and they’ve been scared of me. I’m like, “I’m on your side” and so I can imagine going out there and talking to someone like you, you know, [you're like,] “I’ll listen.” And they’re like “Well.” Let me tell you.

Um, Michael?  Probably NOT a good idea for the RNC Chairman, the black RNC Chairman to torpedo his own party  by claiming white Republicans are scared of black people.  I mean, really?  Maybe when you’re in the room they’re not scared of you, they just see you for the dumbass that you are.   What the hell is wrong with you, son?

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Mark My Words

Y’all may be aware of the so-called war going on between Fox News and the Obama administration.  The Obama administration has called out Fox News for what it is–an extension of the Republican Party.   He refuses to visit Fox’s Sunday shows and is basically giving Fox the silent treatment.

And boy is Fox News pissed off about it.  Recently, Glenn Beck compared Fox News workers to victims of the Holocaust, claiming that when Obama is finished persecuting Fox News workers, then Obama is going to come after you.

Run for the hills!

I don’t really care if you’re a Democrat, a Republican, or a Libertarian, you all know damn well that Fox News is not “Fair and Balanced.”  It’s also not news.  It’s an opinion network.  I wouldn’t have such a problem with Fox News if they would be upfront about the fact that they are an opinion network.  At least MSNBC has the common sense to use “The place for politics” as its tagline.  This “Fair and Balanced” shit is just a blatant lie.  It’s false advertising.  And I wish Roger Ailes would die in a fire.

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I like Obama’s sense of humor.  Also, Kool-Aid is delicious. 

Last night at the DNC fundraiser in San Francisco, a bunch of Democrats and Democrat-lovers gathered round to high five themselves for getting relatively little done since they wrestled control back from the Republicans in 2006. It was a hippy affair, as one might imagine, considering it was held in San Francisco where gays and patchouli oil run through the streets like… well… gays and patchouli oil.

It was an out and out love fest.   Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi might as well have grabbed hands and started singing This Little Light of Mine.  Barack was all “I love Nancy Pelosi.” and Nancy attempted to smile through the botox and responded “You’re the greatest.”

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Obama Wins the Nobel Peace Prize!  HAHAHAHAHA! 

I must admit, when Cait texted me this morning to ask me if I was going to write about Obama winning the “NPP,” I was all “Huh?  What?”  And then she followed up that text by saying “Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.”  And again my reaction was “Huh?  What?”  immediately followed by peals of laughter because HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize a mere week after the conservatives CHEERED that he “lost the Olympics.”

Maybe I’m twisted, but I’m getting more pleasure from the totally bonkers conservative reaction to Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize than I am from the fact that he actually won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Conservatives are in a RAGE about it.  And it’s fantastic.

Let the fuckery begin!

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Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq. = PWNED

Last week I told y’all about how Orly Taitz is off her damn rocker. If you recall, she decided it would be a good idea to spout off to the media that Judge Clay Land is treasonous and a puppet of the Obama “regime” after Land dismissed the case of Taitz’s client, Connie Rhodes–a woman who seems to think she can demand verification of her deployment order on the basis that Obama has not yet proven that he’s a U.S. citizen and therefore a legitimate President.  Basically, both of these women are nucking futs.

Instead of keeping her piehole shut, Taitz went and filed another motion!  The court viewed it as a motion to reconsider which is legalese for “Hey Judge, you got it wrong; here’s why; please reconsider your ruling.”  Usually when lawyers file motions to reconsider, they base it on, you know, legal principles and junk.

Not Orly.  Oh no.  Instead she decided to file a motion that relied on no legal authority whatsoever, and instead restated all her birther bullshit.  She called the judge treasonous and said that “the United States District Courts in the 11th Circuit are subject to political pressure, external control… and subservience to the same illegitimate chain of command which Plaintiff has previously protested.”  (Um, Orly?  Judge Land was not even appointed by Obama.  HE WAS APPOINTED BY DUBYA IN 2001.  So, what in the name of biscuits are you even talking about?)

Here’s a snippet of gold from the Judge’s ruling:

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But you already knew that.

In a mind-blowing display of tortured logic and with the clarity of, dare I say, a drug addict, Rush Limbaugh took to the air Wednesday and discussed race relations.  As you can imagine it was batshit insane.

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Orly Taitz: The biggest idiot since sliced bread.

So you all know about the crazy ass Birthers, and how they think Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and that, with respect to the presidency of Barack Obama, the United States government is perpetrating the largest fraud upon the American public since the FDA warned us that eating Pop Rocks and Coke killed Mikey.  (He liked it!)

Orly Taitz is the lawyer/real estate agent/dentist who is representing a bunch of soldiers who are refusing to follow deployment orders because they think that Obama is not legitimately President of the US of A and conclude that they don’t have to follow his orders.  [I wrote about the idiocy of the Birthers here and here.]

Well yesterday, a federal judge in Georgia (Judge Clay Land) wasn’t having any more Birther crap, and, in a blistering opinion, threatened Taitz with sanctions if she continues to file her bullshit lawsuits:

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Pistols at Dawn!

I honestly cannot stop laughing at all the heckling and whatnot last night.  And then somewhere in the corners of my mind, I remembered seeing a video of shenannies in the South Korean Parliament from a couple months ago.  A few searches on the YouTewbz later, and I found what I was looking for.

Great googly moogly, I hope to turn on the telly to C-SPAN one day to find John McCain attempting to strangle Chuck Grassley on the Senate floor:

But either way, HOT DAMN!

Oh no he di'in't.

The Huffington Post has some more deets about last night’s congressional shenannies.   Apparently, a couple of Democrats yelled for Rep. Wilson to be thrown out on his ass.  Another yelled “Shame on you!”  Pelosi looked like she didn’t know what the fuck just happened.

And my favorite:

First Lady Michelle Obama, seated behind and above Wilson, seemed to mouth a drawn-out “damn” at the scene unfolding before her.

Bless her heart.

Raise your hand if you’re surprised - then slap yourself silly.

Adultering Assemblyman Michael Duvall resigned from the California State Assembly about one hot minute ago.  You see, he let his braggadocio hang out and get caught on a tape.  Gossiping with his bud, Duvall tittered about not one, but TWO affairs he was having.  Apparently, his married girlfriend likes to get spanked and complained to him that she was dripping all over the stairs after a marathon boning session.  Grossest thing about that?  He prefaced it with the fact they “made love Wednesday - a lot!”  Made love? Ewwww!  Apparently he also was getting into spanking her.  I’d like to spank him with my fist.  In his face.

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Obama wants to turn your children black (and once they go black, they’ll never ever go back)

Holy shit, y’all.  Did you hear about what Obama did last week?  He gave a back-to-school speech to our nation’s childrenses!  And you know what else?  He like, totally tried to turn your child into a black person.  BEHIND YOUR BACK.  (He also pulled the plug on your grandma, but we can talk about that later.)

This aggression will not STAND, man.   I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the news. Obama addressed a nation of young impressionable children and filled their heads with balderdash and poppycock.  (That’s British for BULLSHIT.)  He told kids that they should stay in school!  And that they should do their homework!  And that they should pass on grass!

I mean, what kind of crap is he trying to pull?  How dare he tell your children to put down that X Box Virtual 3000 2.0, stop sniffing glue, and open a book? How dare he tell your children that they need to study hard and not give up on their dreams and life in general?

I mean, what’s next?  I know I don’t want my kids to go to college.***  Or get a job.  Or learn shit.  I want my kids to become one of the next generation of idiotic fuckwits, like the ones at the townhall meetings, talkin’ ’bout “Hello, Hitler!”

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The Mandated Critical Day Has Arrived.

Yes. The last drunken holiday of the summer has come and gone. Now it’s back to work and to school. Sadly, many children from home schoolin’ wannabe families will not be partaikin’ in any lernin’ today. Why? Because the President is going to try brainwash them with with his “Stay In School” speech. It seems some people view staying in school and receiving a good education as part of a Socialist agenda. I believe this is because these people were never taught, in school, the meaning of the word Socialism. I’m not going to start a Socialism 101 class. All I’m going to say is, I’m sure these people will want their Medicare when they get older, and are probably very glad their parents have it.

The point I would like to make is, wouldn’t telling your children the president is wrong and evil be considered a form of brainwashing and indoctrination? Why not let your kids listen to the President, make up their own minds about what he has to say, and then sit down and discuss these ideas with them? That’s what I’m going to do. Yes, I am one of those Hippie, Open-minded, Progressive, Enlightened Parents. (HOPE) Most children are pretty smart and can smell bullshit a mile away. Even when it is coming from their parents.

I’m proud this country has a well-educated, articulate President who wants to share this with the Nation’s children. I don’t see how anyone could be opposed to this. Would you let your children (real or hypothetical) listen to the President’s speech?

An era slowly closes

As Lily the Pink noted earlier this morning, Senator Edward M. Kennedy passed away last night at the age of 77, very shortly after his sister’s passing.  He led a colorful life, full of tremendous highs and lows. Truth is, no one faced more public scorn than this scion of the Kennedy family, especially when compared to older brothers Joe, Jack and Bobby. A lot of the cricitism was well-deserved, given Chappaquiddick, his very public battle with alcoholism, and his battles with Richard Nixon during the early 1970’s.

But the truth also is, no one gave more of themselves in public office than Teddy, and he devoted himself to his constituents. Rest in peace, Teddy - you left an incredible legacy of humanity in the face of adversity, and personal growth in the face of obvious pain. 

If people persist in acting like idiots, treat them like idiots.

It doesn’t matter where you stand on healthcare reform, I think we can all agree that running around waving pictures of Obama defaced to look like Hitler, or referring to healthcare reform as a “Nazi policy” is abjectly stupid.  with a capital OOPID.

And, if you’ve been avidly following these fuckwits at the townhall debates, you might know that some conservative doosh yelled “Heil Hitler!” to a Jew– an Israeli–who was asking a question about healthcare reform in a townhall meeting in Las Vegas.  From Gawker:

Unalloyed xenophobic rage presents a challenge similar to one posed by habitual lying-just as it’s hard to keep up with one’s own falsehoods, it’s difficult to remember whether shouting “Heil Hitler!” at a Jew is good or bad.

Take, for instance, this woman at a healthcare town hall sponsored by a Las Vegas radio station. After watching an Israeli immigrant to the United States praise his homeland’s government-run healthcare system, she is moved to respond, “Heil Hitler!”

What does that mean? Well, it could mean “Heil Hitler, you Jew, you are a subhuman blood-sucker,” a sentiment common to right-wing extremists who actively seek the violent overthrow of the federal government. Or it could mean, “By supporting government-run healthcare, sir, you may as well be shouting ‘Heil Hitler,’ because you are supporting Barack Obama, who is a Nazi”-a sentiment also common to right-wing extremists who actively seek the violent overthrow of the federal government. You see the problem? The feverish, paranoid snake that is contemporary right-wing political thought has begun to eat its own tail, and the swamp is full of anti-Semites and Nazi-haters who both seek the same thing-a return to the “real America.”

As you can see from the look of terror that crosses this woman’s face when the Israeli challenges her-”I’m a Jew! You’re telling me, ‘Heil Hitler’? Shame of you!”-she appears to have briefly forgotten which one she is. In the most cosmic of ironies, she is wearing an Israeli Defense Forces t-shirt, so it’s not likely that she’s a rabid neo-Nazi. Still, you can see in her eyes that she is frantically checking an exhaustive catalog of political outrages in the back of her mind-which is worse, supporting healthcare reform, or yelling “Heil Hitler” at a Jew?

She quickly decides that it’s the former, and tells the Israeli that, as a Jew, he should be more frightened than anyone of Obama’s policies. It’s about as comprehensive a tangle of our current political dynamic as we’ve seen-a middle-aged white woman who seems to believe that Jews are good to the extent that Israel is good because Israel kills Arabs but bad to the extent that one of them supports socialized medicine shouts “Heil Hitler” at an Israeli because Hitler was bad to the extent that he was like Obama but was also good to the extent that he was against Communist Jews. It’s taxing to remember where the political lines are drawn when the only thing you care about is hating the president.

Is this what we’ve turned into?  A nation of idiots who can’t have a serious debate about a divisive political issue without resorting to violence, name calling, racism, xenophobia, and ethnocentrism?

I have to say,  I totally support how Barney Frank responded to this woman.  She’s an idiot and deserves to be treated as such, n’est-ce pas?

Oh No She Di’n't!

Oh, yes she di-id!  Recently during a trip to the Congo, Hillary went straight gangsta on an African motherfucker.   Remember how last week Bill Clinton was all “America!  Fuck Yeah!” after rescuing those Asian broads from a prison camp in North Korea?  And remember how everyone was all “Hooray!  Mr. Clinton!  He’s still got it!”  And remember how everyone seems to have forgotten that Hillary Clinton exists, much less that she is Secretary of State and junk?

According to The Guardian, (whattup, Britland?), Hillary Clinton is on an 11 day “whistle-stop tour in Africa.” Really, The Guardian? A whistle-stop tour?  What is she, Harry Truman?  Besides, I don’t think they even have whistles in Africa.  Gay men and rave enthusiasts have the international whistle supply on total lockdown.  But I digress.

While giving a speech in Kinshasa (capital of Congo–not to be confused with Mombasa, the capital of Kenya where Obama was born and learned how to be a terrorist), a hapless university student asked Secretary Clinton what her husband thought about a trade deal between Congo and China.

Secretary Clinton was not happy and gave the African student a piece of her mind:  “You want me to tell you what my husband thinks? If you want my opinion, I will tell you my opinion, I am not going to be channeling my husband.  My husband is not secretary of state, I am.”

Ding dang, y’all!  How long before the media starts calling her “aggressive” or a “ball-buster” or an “African baby killer”?  It’s bullshit, I tell you.  Men can kill as many babies as they want, and people don’t call them out for being aggressive!  That’s why we need the ERA!  So women can kill babies too!  Paging Gloria Steinhem!

Watch the video.  It’s only a minute long, but if you play it backwards and look very closely, you can see Madame Secretary performing what is known in certain circles as “three snaps in a Z formation.”

Source.