The Most Important Information Available To You

I ran this handy algorithm to see who Gwen looks like now. When I look at her face I see Jennifer Connolly, a butterfly, my father's disapproval, and an outline of the state of Maine.

Skimming Rainbow Presents: Strange and Beautiful (Link plays automatic sound)

According to the internet over the weekend…

• Gwen looks different. It’s definitely a change in hair, makeup, and eyebrows. But is any of it plastic?
• This tiny deconstruction of Disney Princesses links to an even more fascinating rejection letter to a woman who applied for a position with Disney. (Note: There is a Sar who comments on that site, but it’s not me.)
• Have you ever wanted plush toys of your favorite internal organs? The search is over.
• You know what would look so hot with your internal organs dolls? Your new Tetris dress.
• I have no idea what McSweeney’s is, but this blog is styled elegantly and it features the most glorious article about fall that I’ve ever read.
• Spoilers for The Beautiful Life (TBL^TM,RIP) because it’s never going to air and even if it did you wouldn’t really watch it.
• These TV characters are pretty, but that’s beside the point. Except that nobody would give a crap about their empowerment otherwise.
• The most interesting thing about Oksana Grigorieva (spelled without looking! in your face Scripps-Howard!) is that she once almost married Timothy Dalton. She had his baby but then rejected his prenup. Well that’s 2 points for consistency, Okkie!

…And what’s strange and beautiful with you, Squeeple?

Because women need to know they have to be perfect

My vagina doesn’t throw things like Sarah’s does but it is upset over this little piece of news. Hungary has decided to host the Miss Plastic Hungary contest because “Hungarians used to laugh about plastic surgery but it’s time for Hungarian women to care more about their appearance.” So women who don’t get plastic surgery don’t care about their appearance? My nose is slightly crooked because I broke it a couple of times; does that mean I don’t care about how I look? Somebody is asking for a brick in the face.

I’m not saying I’m against plastic surgery, it makes alot of people happy. However, I do have a problem with the way the pageant makes it sound like people need to alter themselves until they are flawless. Flaws make us human. If Hungary thinks it’s so important to be flawless maybe they should hold a Mr. Plastic Hungary contest; waxed chests are required.

Oh Just Take My Word For It Already, You Were Going To Anyway.

No, Skimming Rainbow is not the latest thrill available on the Craigslist casual encounters board. (Except if you like doing it in the bookstore.)  It’s just what I’m calling this roundup of links from the week. Now that Reading Rainbow is off the air, this is the most important literature available to you.

Making it work, Weekend-At-Bernie's style.

According to the rest of the internet this week:

• Project Runway sucked this week.
• Woody Harrelson (stop yawning and read) smokes pot and justifies his drug use with our drug use. JNLYBJJ. (Judge not lest ye be Judge Judy, © stopthemadness)
• Spencer Pratt committed the unpardonable doosh. So doom! (Just in case he wasn’t already going to hell for this comment.)
• Gerard Butler refuses to make any films he’ll be remembered for.
• The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Danielle Staub is selling her house in glamorous Wayne, NJ: Home of the Chinese restaurant where I used to get drunk.
• Am I the only one who didn’t realize Janet and Jermaine had broken up?
• An X-Factor reject got plastic surgery after being criticized once by Simon Cowell, which begs the question, why exactly did she think she was ready to be famous?

P.S. Happy Labor Day!

Queen Nefertiti?  I knew Queen Nefertiti.  And you, crazypants, are no Queen Nefertiti.

OK, fine, I didn’t really know her, but I’m black and all, so that means…er… that means nothing too.  Whatever.  Point is, this crazy ass lady seems to think that she’s Queen Nefertiti, and done fucked up her face accordingly:

Her transformation began more than 20 years ago after she decided that in a past life she had lived as Queen Nefertiti.

During that time Nileen Namita has spent £200,000 on her face in order to turn herself into a living sculpture of the ancient Egyptian.

The mother of three has had 51 cosmetic surgery operations - including eight nose jobs, three chin implants, one eyebrow lift, three facelifts, six mini facelifts, two lip surgeries, five eye surgeries and 20 minor tweaks - in her efforts to recreate herself in the image of the ‘Beauty of the Nile’.

Hey “Queen”?  I have one word for you:  QUEEN NEFERTITI WAS BLACK.  NOT A MANNEQUIN!! FAIL.