Five sport-type things you may want to know

I’d give you a long intro here, but that isn’t my style.  Regardless, enjoy (with the chef’s compliments) the triumphant return for five sport-type things!

Woohoo!

1. The Evil Empire is almost back – After a blissful nine-year vacation from having to deal with the New York Yankees winning a world championship, the Bronx Bombers are a win away from taking the 2009 World Series … and consequently ruining the evening for every other baseball fan in America.

I say “evening” and not year, or month, or even week, because let’s face it, this is what Major League Baseball has reduced itself to … a mild curiosity that can get your blood going for a few minutes before fading back into the realm of Neo-pets, 8-tracks, Rick Springfield, and other obscurities.

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Today I am Angry Pink Lady, and shit’s on!

Dear Jefferey Lurie, Joe Banner, Tom Heckert and Andy Reid,

First, I would like to cordially invite you all to eat an entire king sized bag of dicks–each–think theater popcorn extra-large.  Just strap it on like a feedbag, and go about your day.  Second of all, I would like to say, YOU SIGNED MICHAEL VICK? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMNED MINDS? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

There now, I feel a little bit better, but not much, and don’t think just because I can now type rationally that I’ll be taking back that dick eating request any time soon. I won’t. Now, on to more serious business.

Vick is a felon who bankrolled and possibly committed with his own hands, but certainly caused and perpetuated, incredible acts of cruelty, torture and killing. Fifty dogs were found alive on Vick’s estate, FIFTY! These dogs were in such bad psychological condition that neither the HSUS nor PETA held out any real hope for their rehabilitation. Even worse, numerous dog corpses were retrieved from graves found at various locations–dogs who had been hanged, beaten and/or mutilated to death.

Should this situation be treated any differently than if he had done this to humans? I don’t think so. Lack of empathy is lack of empathy.  That he’s capable of doing that to dogs is a strong indicator that he is capable of far worse, and yet you’ve chosen him to lead your team? Fuck that noise. I’m not buying his bullshit excuses and neither should you. He can play the cultural conditioning card all he wants, and whine things like,  “I was raised this way so I don’t see dogs the same way as the rest of society,” but you know what? All he had to do was look around. A cursory glance at the rest of our society, and the fact that what he was doing was illegal could have easily clued him in to the unacceptable nature of his acts.

And before you go saying he’s apologized, let me say this. Lip service is lip service and actions are actions. I can say anything I want. Saying something doesn’t make it true. Look, “The Jonas Brothers are my new favorite band.” See?  That shit was a lie. I loathe the Jonas Brothers and all they represent. Besides, if I were a bankrupt felon who had lost a $23 million contract by committing disgusting, inhumane acts, I’d be apologizing all over the place. I could probably even work up a tear or two thinking about the house I lost.

That being said, right now, I’m not willing to believe Vick is sorry for anything other than getting caught and finding out there are consequences to his actions. When Vick has proven that he’s changed his ways, maybe, but he hasn’t had time to prove it. He just walked out of prison.

Giving him a two-year contract is, at best, brushing aside his heinous crimes for the sake of a little bit of press for your team, and at worst, tacit approval of his acts.  Do you–no, do WE as a culture really value football over the sanctity of life?

From here on out, the Philadelphia Eagles will no longer be my favorite team.  See, I told you that saying things didn’t make them true. The Eagles have never been my favorite team, but they stand no chance of it now, because you, sirs, are on my shit list.

Sincerely,

Lily the Pink

Five sport-type things you may want to know

I’m back! Not that it was a hard decision.

Coming from a background in writing in which my readers’ most constructive comments were often disguised as death threats (I knew they were just teasing – few, if any of them, made any actual attempts), the warm reception I received last week was a welcome change.

So here I am, ready to foist more nuggets of sports wisdom upon you all. Don’t you feel lucky? Here are the five sport-type things you may want to know this week. (more…)

Five sport-type things you may want to know

But really, who doesn't love Tecmo Super Bowl?

This being my first contribution to Thundersquee!, perhaps introductions are in order.

I’m the new guy - my name is NFL Guy - and my life is devoted to staring at guys (in particular, athletes).

Try not to hate me.

Not that I get a whole lot out of the experience, mind you. Most of these guys are so unjustifiably impressed with themselves it takes an awful lot of self-loathing to even muster the fortitude to stand watching them. As a sane person, simply being in the same room as most of them is akin to being back in high school with your underwear pulled over your head. You’d have to be completely brain dead with no self worth whatsoever to actually seek the majority of these knuckleheads out.

Actually, this kind of explains the whole Jessica Simpson-Tony Romo thing, doesn’t it?

Indeed. (more…)

The Doosh Edition

This week Girl with Eyeblack presents the Doosh Bowl.  You only thought football season was over, but as the weeks until the draft speed by, drama is at all all-time high in the league.

We’re talking Krystal Carrington shoulder pad drama, y’all.

As free agency and trade talks reaches fever pitch, Girl with Eyeblack is monitoring some of the rumors with a dropped jaw - Kurt Warner to the 49ers?  WTF?  Matt Cassel to the Chiefs?  Christ on a crouton, talk about salary cap insanity!  Antonio Cromartie to the Saints?  (Okay, that’s just wishful thinking - we really could use a solid cornerback.)

But two douchewads stand apart from the rest at the moment: New England Patriots head coach Bill “Hoodie Mccheater” Belichick and Pittsburgh Steelers kicker Jeff “Gotti” Reed.

No, really. (more…)