Five sports-type things you may want to know

It’s been awhile since my last post, and am I ever feeling it.  My sports pun skills have faded to the point that I had to resort to using two of them in the headline alone, just to make sure at least one of them worked.  I think my plan failed because I like neither … but what can you do?  If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the electronic media, it’s that everything on the Internet is permanent.*

* This is another bad joke.  I apologize now, before we get any further.

Anyhow, here are some of my observations of the sporting world and some of things that are probably the least anyone should know about sports right now.

1. Tiger Woods is a man-whore — Yeah, I know, you already knew that.  But the latest head count puts the man’s “indiscretions” at a whopping FOURTEEN. That’s not just man-whore territory, it’s Wilt Chamberlain territory.

At least he’s still got his career though.

Whoops.

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RumoUr has it, at least.

The New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts are the only two undefeated teams left in the league.

(Though ESPN and Fox Sports would have you believe that Favre and the Vikings are the only story in the NFL at the moment.)

NOLA for the win, y’all - Peyton Manning’s a New Orleans native, and a scathingly funny guy.

Remember this little gem?  I challenge you to not cackle like a Person of Walmart.

Drew Bale

11-0, yeaux! Who Dat!

Five sport-type things you may want to know

I’d give you a long intro here, but that isn’t my style.  Regardless, enjoy (with the chef’s compliments) the triumphant return for five sport-type things!

Woohoo!

1. The Evil Empire is almost back – After a blissful nine-year vacation from having to deal with the New York Yankees winning a world championship, the Bronx Bombers are a win away from taking the 2009 World Series … and consequently ruining the evening for every other baseball fan in America.

I say “evening” and not year, or month, or even week, because let’s face it, this is what Major League Baseball has reduced itself to … a mild curiosity that can get your blood going for a few minutes before fading back into the realm of Neo-pets, 8-tracks, Rick Springfield, and other obscurities.

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Linky-loos you can use.

Do you like movies?  Of  course you do.  Do you hate going to movies and being surrounded by chip chomping, bright ass iPhone texting, foolios?  Of course you do.  Then read this guide; it will help you get the most out of your movie-going experience.  Also it will help you reduce your dooshery.  Pajiba.

Did you know that Michael Jackson dies at the beginning of This is It? Sorry for the spoiler, bitches.  FourFour.

The cast of Glee is coming to a mall near you.  If you can make it, please beg Kurt to do the Single Ladies dance.   And ask that black chick if she’s the same black chick from School of Rock.  I’m too lazy to Google it.  Lainey Gossip.

Praise Breesus!  Can I get an amen and a Who Dat?  Nola.com.

Can I get a cheesesteak and a “How yous guys doin?”  Phillies take it back to the Bronx.  The Yankees suck.  Yeah, I said it.  What what?!  Philadelphia Inquirer.

Hugh Grant got wasted and tried to nail some Project Runway model.  He got Heismanned.  Somewhere Elizabeth Hurley is laughing.  Except she’s not even that hot anymore, so who cares?  Celebslam.

Are the Slumdog Milliokids getting too big for their saris?  Jezebel.

Would you like to see the 2009 Miss International Queen?  She’s a famous Japanese tranny and her camel toe is faaaaaaabulous!!  D-Listed.

I wish Lady Gaga would give-give me a fucking break.  Go Fug Yourself.

Heidi Klum does NOT fuck around on Halloween.  Why dress like a whore when you can dress like this?  I Don’t Like You In That Way.

For all you burgeoning writers out there, here’s some advice on asking for professional advice.  Fierce and Nerdy.

And that, squeeps, is how it is.