Delonte West: Doosh Dossier

This year has visited a groundswell of doosh upon the hapless heads of Hags and Squeeple alike. A torrential outpouring of vinegar so vast in scope and relentless in attack that it can relate to only this: the countless acts of dooshery, douchestacity, and douchebagelry with which we, in the People’s Republic of Thundersquee!, have been forced to reckon. It ain’t pretty people. We’ve had Kanye Interruptus; Carrie Preach-jean; Jon “Ed Hardy” Gosselin; Rush Oxylimbaugh; Glenn Crazy Eyes Beck; and the list goes on.

Here’s how it will work. For the next couple of weeks, we will recount some of the dooshes catalogued in our year-long category aptly titled “Doosh Watch 2009.” We will then pit the dooshes against each other in the Thunderdome. And you, dear squeeperson, will vote for your least favorite doosh, or-if you prefer a phrase more semantically accurate-the dooshiest doosh as between the dooshes.

Put on your protective goggles, squeeples. You do NOT want to look any of these dooshes in the eye.

So here’s what you do: Assess the dooshery based on our prior blog posts throughout the year and any independent knowledge you may have of a particular doosh’s dooshiness. And then vote! It’s as easy as saying… something that’s easy to say.

We will provide a doosh dossier on each of three Doosh of the Year Nominees throughout the day. Then at the end of the day (8 p.m. PST-ish) that day, we will open the polls for voting. You vote for the dooshiest of the three. And at the end of the doosh round robin, we will pit our final three nominees against each other and award a Giant Bag of Doosh to our Douche of 2009. Stay classy, squeeple!

Next up are Serena Williams, Delonte West and Terrelle Pryor or as we at Thundersquee! like to call them, the doosh athletes who shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Delonte West 

For those of you who don’t follow the NBA with any sort of regularity, let me just tell you:  This man is kind of psychotic (though in a good way).

Oh sure, he’s a mercurial player at the point guard position, and a true difference-maker for a Cleveland team that was simply Lebron and the seven dwarfs before he arrived.  But can he really get his sh** together and help Cleveland win a championship?  That we’re not so sure about.

The reason for this are manyfold, though most of them have something to do with him being a complete nutbar.

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Five sport-type things you may want to know

I’d give you a long intro here, but that isn’t my style.  Regardless, enjoy (with the chef’s compliments) the triumphant return for five sport-type things!

Woohoo!

1. The Evil Empire is almost back – After a blissful nine-year vacation from having to deal with the New York Yankees winning a world championship, the Bronx Bombers are a win away from taking the 2009 World Series … and consequently ruining the evening for every other baseball fan in America.

I say “evening” and not year, or month, or even week, because let’s face it, this is what Major League Baseball has reduced itself to … a mild curiosity that can get your blood going for a few minutes before fading back into the realm of Neo-pets, 8-tracks, Rick Springfield, and other obscurities.

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Five sport-type things you may want to know

Ever get tired of this whole sports thing? I do. Sometimes I want to hit myself in the head with a shovel (or let a Nebraska fan do it after they’ve read my article today).

Things like this stupid Brett Favre story that won’t disappear really tick me off. Then you see the hijinks going on down at Florida and the crappiness of the NBA Finals, and well, it’s easy to swear off the whole mess.

But that would be too easy. For now, I’m sticking with it.

Here are the five sport-type things you may want to know this week.

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Five sport-type things you may want to know

But really, who doesn't love Tecmo Super Bowl?

This being my first contribution to Thundersquee!, perhaps introductions are in order.

I’m the new guy - my name is NFL Guy - and my life is devoted to staring at guys (in particular, athletes).

Try not to hate me.

Not that I get a whole lot out of the experience, mind you. Most of these guys are so unjustifiably impressed with themselves it takes an awful lot of self-loathing to even muster the fortitude to stand watching them. As a sane person, simply being in the same room as most of them is akin to being back in high school with your underwear pulled over your head. You’d have to be completely brain dead with no self worth whatsoever to actually seek the majority of these knuckleheads out.

Actually, this kind of explains the whole Jessica Simpson-Tony Romo thing, doesn’t it?

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