Also, It Makes You Smell Really, Really Bad.

Vaibhav Bedi has been using Axe Body Spray for seven years, thinking “any minute now, throngs of models in the throes of spontaneous orgasm brought on by my scent are going to launch themselves at me and offer me some boob. And maybe one of them will want a relationship with me, even!”  Well, Vaibhav Bedi thought wrong.

Why is Vaibhav Bedi angry about this?

The company cheated me. It says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me.

Not only was he never once accosted by hordes of beautiful young women, but he wasn’t even offered any casual boob from random passers-by or homeless people. None. Not even one  “Jesus, alright, whatever, just leave me alone if I do it this one time” boob. IN SEVEN YEARS.

The Axe ads promised him that if he bought their douchey-smelling elixirs of douchetasticness and then applied said douchetastic elixirs onto his body, at least one girl would be so overcome by his scent that she’d have no choice but submit to him. And since ads apparently never lie in India, Vaibhav is suing Unilever (makers of said douchetastic body spray) for $40,000. Because in the seven years that he’s been dousing his body in the putrid funk that is Axe Body Spray, not one girl has thrown herself at him whilst ripping her pants off, or otherwise.

Unilever has declined to comment. Because smelling really, really bad speaks louder than words.