The award for the most suggestive movie poster about an underage female band goes to…

If you don’t know who The Runaways are, do yourself a favor and Google them.  If they were still around today they would skull fuck the Jonas Brothers and laugh at them as they ran home to their momma.

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Hold my calls during my Spielberg meeting, unless it’s Santa. Then only put him through if he is ready to accept MY terms for his surrender.

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I’m sorry but if I saw this coming at me on a dark night in an Applebee’s parking lot, I’d brick it in the face and ask questions later. I guess Leighton Meester learned to put makeup on at clown college.

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Haiku Edition

How’d it go so wrong
Pimped by my parents for fame
I’m a cautionary tale

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Linky-loos you can use.

Kristen Stewart has been looking pretty good these days.  How do I know?  She gave Lainey a vaginal hard-on.  Lainey Gossip.

Kate Moss is a noob.  Apparently she’s got loads of personal mottos, one of which is “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.’” You know what skinny feels like?  Being high on teh cocaine.  D Listed.

Will someone… ANYONE… make this dumbass bowl of stupid STFU?  Celebitchy.

What do Harry Potter and Michael Phelps have in common?  Besides both having gills (I know you bitches saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.)  Well you know what else they have in common?  They love the ganja.  Daniel Radcliffe, after toking on a joint, was heard to yell out as he left a party: “I LOVE WEEEEEEED!” Yawn!  Who cares.  He’s what, twenty now?  That’s about the time the kids behold the glory of weed.  (Sometimes it’s a little earlier.  I’m not speaking from personal experience or anything.  No way.  Of course not.)  I Don’t Like You in that Way.

What’s holier than one sex tape and one nude photo?  Eight sex tapes and thirty nude photos.  Her cup of stupid runneth over.  The Superficial.

Oh my stars.    Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are doin’ it, and doin’ it and doin’ it well.  Sadly, neither represents Queens nor was raised out in Brooklyn.  If you listen carefully, you can hear millions of Twihards stabbing pins in their Bella Swan dolls.  Step aside corn. You’ve been replaced.  RadarOnline.

FTW.  Regretsy.

Have a great weekend, squeeple!  And if you see some jackass with a mask and an axe standing outside your door, well, you should…um… keep drinking.

Is it just me or do they all look a tad bit retarded in this photo?

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There’s No Crying in Rock and Roll

Kristen Stewart is playing Joan Jett in the upcoming movie The Runaways. Things don’t seem to be going too well, because Jett brought Stewart to tears on the set, recently. Maybe the producers shouldn’t have cast someone with the acting range of Terri Schiavo. What? I’m just saying.

“Joan just wants Kristen to play an authentic version of herself, so she needled her a little bit too much. But she apologized when she realized how upset Kristen got,” reported a witness to The NY Daily News on Tuesday.

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Twilight, Twibright, You All Need to Die in a Fire Tonight

This Twilight shit is insane, y’all.  I mean really really insane.  As I told y’all last month, Twilight was released on DVD to much screaming, crying, and panty dropping at various midnight release parties.  It sold more than 3 million copies on the first day, putting it in on par with such hits as The Dark Knight, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and Transformers which also sold an assload of DVDs on their first release day. (Apparently, Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End also sold a shit ton of copies on its first day, but the movie was fucking stupid.  I mean really really stupid.  And I, therefore,  refuse to acknowledge it–although I already have by noting how fucking stupid it was.  Whatever, bitches.  Don’t be so literal.)

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