Or High Class Call Girl?

OK magazine is reporting that Katie will get 75 million dollars to pop out another Cruise clone. I can’t say I blame her. Hell, for 75 million I’d find a way to have Tom’s baby and pretend to be into Scientology. Hell, I’d do it for waay less than that. (call me Tom)

A lot of people think they have a sham marriage.  Rumors of marriage contracts and money trading hands doesn’t do anything to dispel that. You never heard about this crap when he was married to Nicole Kidman or Mimi Rogers. I think Tom knows what he has to do. It’s OK Tom. People still accepted you after all this Scientology bullshit. No one is going to think any less of you. Personally, I couldn’t possible think any less of him than I do now. I can’t be the only one who feels that way, so it’s really a win win situation for him. Besides, it’s best he does it on his own terms before Suri does it to establish dominance over him.

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I’m sorry but if I saw this coming at me on a dark night in an Applebee’s parking lot, I’d brick it in the face and ask questions later. I guess Leighton Meester learned to put makeup on at clown college.

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The Shareef does in fact like it

You know what I love aside from watching stuff and my snack packs?  FASHION! Fashion, shopping, hair, and make-up.  Do not even take me near a Sephora or you better prepare to watch me transform into a make up zombie. Must. Have. Samples.  So I shall bring to you some super sweet hair-do’s and products.  Enjoy and let me know any products I should be using.  I only have one head but I like to put as much crap as I can get on my hair.

Reece’s pieces:  I love this cut and it looks well-suited on those squee’rs with straight unmanageable hair.  You can even do a shorter version if you have shoulder length hair.  This could also work with those of us with wavy hair if you have the time and patience to work with your flat iron. Even if you do have straight hair a flat iron and some product will give it that red carpet look even if you’re just working the grocery aisle runway. Some of my favorite stuff to help this look happen.  (Aside from photoshopping.):

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The Most Important Information Available To You

...Aaaand that's how this is going to play out. Oh and Kate? By the time everyone realizes we were perfect for each other, I'll be long gone.

Skimming Rainbow presents: Putting Words In Your Mouth

According to the internet this week…

• Jon Gosselin: “For the record, when I did it, it wasn’t exploitation-exploitation. Because I was profiting.”  Runner-up: “The only thing more convenient than my morals are these lovely Ed Hardy tampons and douches. Look for my face on the box, only at Target.”
• Kristin Cavallari: “Originality isn’t really his bag. I mean, did you see that one tattoo?”
• Shakira: “I left Spain for this? I had a real career and everything!”
• Kim Zolciak: “I try to add symmables to wrods because it creationates a smartical feeling in me thinks.”
• The Angry Black Lady: “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
• Katie Holmes: “Arch support?? Don’t let me hear you say those words again. Now hurry, why are you walking like that?”
• Paris Hilton: “Everyone else is criticizing my top, but Sar wants to buy one. Suck it, haters.”
  

…And what words are being put in your mouth this week, Squeeple?

Is it just me or do they all look a tad bit retarded in this photo?

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Apparently he’s OK with her being sexy now

Katie performed a rousing tribute to Judy Garland, singing and dancing to Get Happy for the 100th episode of  So You Think You Can Dance?, and because everyone seems to be being mean about her performance (and I’m contrary by nature), I feel the need to leap to her defense.  She’s neither a singer or a dancer, but gave it her best for the Dizzy Feet Foundation, and looked gorgeous while doing so. All-in-all, she left a favorable impression, and possibly did a lot to repair her image and prove she’s more than a mindless mom-maton for Xenu Cruise.  She also smiled a lot, and how long has it been since you’ve seen Katie smile?

After the jump, check out her performance and let us know what you think.

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Marilyn Manson might want to lay off the Little Debbies. He's starting to bare a striking resemblance to my Aunt Betty.

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And what of the Tomkitten?

There are some rumors a’ brewin’ about a certain couple getting themselves all divorced and crap.

BlindGossip.com, a gossip site that posts blind items about celebrities and asks its readers to figure them out, threw out this gem under the title She Has Finally Pulled the Chip Out of Her Head:

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Seriously, that is not cool

Tom and Katie are free game as far as I’m concerned, but do you really have to crash a three year old girls’ birthday party via helicopter? Suri can’t help the fact that her parents are kind of batshit crazy; just let her be a kid, if only for one day.

When I was growing up, birthdays were my special day, I can’t imagine having to deal with a freaking helicopter stalking me. She should be eating cake and playing pin the tail on L. Ron or something, not being hounded by people with cameras. You people take her picture every day of her life, can’t you just leave her alone for one day? As much as I dislike Tom Cruise, I still don’t wish this kind of torment on his child; I wouldn’t wish this on any child. Some people make me sick.

Katy Perry, Katie Holmes, and gay gay gay

Here we see the precise moment all the Scientology brainwashing failed and Katie Holmes realizes what her life has become. Moments later she was abducted by Tom Cruise and taken to an undisclosed location.

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What is Suri Thinking?

My bet is, “Come on mom, even I know dad is gay.”