“HE WAS WARNED.” - Sarah’s Vagina

Karl Lagerfeld, I don’t think you understand. My vagina has a mind of her own. She cannot be controlled. You see, the warning you were given a couple of months ago was a mercy that few are lucky enough to get. My vagina doesn’t give a fuck about fashion (oh, if I had a Chanel dress for every time we’ve argued bitterly about it… well, I’d be selling them on eBay and eating a WHOLE lot better, for one) but since I do, my vagina was willing to compromise. ONCE.

My vagina heard what you recently said about the popular German women’s magazine Brigitte’s recent decision to stop using professional models in their fashion editorials, opting instead to use “real” women to reconnect with their readers:

Lagerfeld, who has subjected himself to a rigorous slimming schedule, described the magazine’s decision as absurd and said it had fallen victim to overweight women. The 71-year-old designer added: “Nobody wants to see a round woman.”

“You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”

“No one wants to see curvy women,” he was quoted as saying on the website of news magazine Focus.

I’ll tell you, Karl, things aren’t looking good for you right now. I may be sitting here writing this post, but my vagina is on the phone booking a flight to Europe. And she is a fierce, stealthy huntress, Karl! - with lots of scary tricks up her… well, you know. Vagina.

It’s out of my hands now. If I were you, I would do two things.

1) Decide which of your paper fans and high-collared shirts you love the most, and pack them away. If they are on your person when my vagina finds you, they will get messed up.

2) FUCKING RUN.

To discuss fashion! Also your hatred of women!

I will happily admit that I LOVE fashion. I LOVE IT. I watch it, I pay attention to it, I want to be near it, and at times I have invested far too much money in it. Now, I am aware that as a feminist whose vagina gets angry and throws things from time to time, that may seem counterproductive. Well, sometimes it is. And for the most part, I can laugh off the stupidity that fashion and fashion designers sometimes have to offer. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES, Y’ALL.

(more…)

With a nod to Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Most of the time Lily Allen is photographed she’s (no, not drunk, but maybe) wearing or carrying something by Chanel, and apparently her love of the design house didn’t go unnoticed. Karl Lagerfeld chose her as the face for the launch of the new Chanel Coco Cocoon line.

Chanel has released a preview of the ad campaign, which will launch in October.  Lily should be pleased. She looks adorable–Photoshopped, but adorable. She’s a lucky girl. Who wouldn’t want to be transformed into Audrey Hepburn for a major ad campaign?

This begs the question, what would your fantasy photo shoot be?

Apparently Karl Lagerfeld is going to be the next Austin Powers villain. Seriously, why would you take fashion advice from someone who looks like George Hamilton's junk?

(more…)

He wears sunglasses so no one can see the doosh in his eyes

Karl Lagerfeld really ought to shut his wurst-hole. As Thundersquee!’s own Mae reported back in February, German designer Wolfgang Joop called out Heidi Klum for being fat, saying, “She is no runway model! Heidi Klum is simply too heavy and has too big a bust.”

Lagerfeld chimed in and was all, yeah!: “I don’t know Heidi Klum. She was never known in France. Claudia Schiffer also doesn’t know who she is.”

Now Lagerfield has set his cryptkeeper sights on Klum’s husband, Seal, saying “I am no dermatologist but I wouldn’t want his skin. Mine looks better than his. He is covered in craters.”

(more…)

Ladies, we’re screwed!

According to Top German designer that I have never heard of, Wolfgang Joop, Heidi Klum is too big to walk the runway and has a stupid smile. “No way,” Joop told German magazine Bild. “She is no runway model! Heidi Klum is simply too heavy and has too big a bust. And she always grins so stupidly. That is not avant-garde - that is commercial!”

(more…)