Invites Them to See “The Gun Show,” Maybe Some Cartoons Later

Hey! Remember how Balloon Boy’s dad turned out to be an exploitative dooshface? And so are Jon and Kate? And Octomom? Well, you’ll stop thinking about those losers in just a second!

Giuliano Stroe, AGE THIS MANY (that’s five fingers) of Romania has become famous for his bodybuilding skillz. The boy’s dad, Iuliano Stroe, says that the kid’s been going with him to the gym since he was born, and has been training since he was THIS MANY (that’s two fingers.)

One could say that this is just how this particular father and son have “bonded,” and that it’s nice that they have shared interests. That’s if one weren’t willing to stop and consider questioning the motives of a father who would start a toddler on a rigorous weight-training schedule, and then put him in a bunch of competitions. But no worries! Papa Stroe says that “if he gets tired, we go and play.” Which is weird, because when I was five, I got tired FROM playing! This kid is just going and going all the time! People would pay good money to have that kind of energy! And the ability to pack on that kind of muscle! If only there were some kind of injection…

Oh.

“Sanity” Lost Some Thirty Years Previous

Lee Redmond lost her Guinness World Record-breaking 28-foot-long fingernails in a car crash last February, apparently along with her “identity.”

Oh, Lee, when I think about the sacrifices you must have made over the last thirty years in the name of winning that Guinness World Record! All the piano playing you could have been doing. Holding your infant grandchildren (I assume this only because I can’t imagine any mother in her right mind putting her baby in those hands.) All the proper personal hygiene you - AND those around you! -  could have been enjoying… well. All I can think is that you, Lee Redmond of Salt Lake City, are truly an inspiration to others who dream of purposely making themselves helpless and completely dependent on others FOR DECADES in order to break a record with something really, really gross. Kudos!

Didn’t we almost have it allllll?

Lee Redmond, a woman with record-breaking fingernails is recovering in the hospitalafter surviving a car crash in which all ten were all broken off. Redmond wasn’t wearing her seat belt and was thrown from the SUV she was riding in (she has been hospitalized with serious but not life-threatening injuries). The driver of the SUV was not as lucky and is listed in critical condition.

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