Linky-loos you can use.

Regretsy does it again. Regretsy.

Jon Gosselin is too famous to get a real job.  And it’s all TLC’s fault.  Now fetch him some hookers and cocaine.  Snark Food.

Listen up, meow.  Are you ready for Super Troopers 2?  I know I am.  And remember… the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.  Pajiba.

How McCute.  Gerard Butler brought his McMom to the McPremiere of his new McMovie, Law Abiding Citizen.  Hummunuh, he looks good in a kilt.  Nothing beats Scotch in a skirt.  Or a Scotsman in a tumbler… on the rocks.  Wait… what?  D Listed.

Don’t mess with a snap diva!  Seriously, y’all.  Watch this shit.  It’s the best ever.  I give it three snaps in a Z formation.   FourFour.

Sarah Palin is on the Big O today promoting her book Going Rogue.  Or is it Going Rouge?  Whatevs.  I’m Going Insane just thinking about how she refuses to start Going Away. Jezebel.

Ken Ober, former host of the MTV show Remote Control died yesterday.  He was 52.  I remember Remote Control. That was back when MTV ruled all.  You know…. when it was MUSIC television, and not ” a bunch of douchebags who are milking their 7 minutes of fame.”  Yeah, it’s 7 minutes of fame.  Not 13 minutes of fame.  Most of these dooshnuggests are too lame to warrant a full 13 minutes.  Um.  RIP Ken.  You seemed like a cool dewd.  And 52 is far too early to go.  Seriously? OMG!  WTF?

Drilling for Scotch whiskey in Antarctica!!!!!????  As my friend, squeeperson, and sheep-lover ramy said: (1) God bless New Zealand; (2) Never trust or join an exploring group called the “Nimrod Expedition”; and (3) This is the first time I’ve prayed for global warming.   Fucking New Zealand!  FTW.    The Guardian UK.

Clickety clack, don’t talk back.

Heigel Suckfest

The ugly truth is this movie is a misogynistic piece of crap and even Gerard Butler’s fucking amazingly hott ass can’t save it. And Heigl said that Knocked Up was sexist? HA! I had issue then – she made these statements after the movie hit big, after DVD sales that were through the roof finally slowed – then and only then did she admit she thought it was sexist. (Which by the way – oversensitive feminista that I am- I do not agree).

The Ugly Truth is just a series of sexist sentiments that are repeated over and over. Women are clingy. Women are controlling. Men need to be men. Don’t emasculate men. Men like sex. Play hard to get, be coy, don’t act like a woman. No man wants a woman because women suck. But Knocked Up, where women hold better jobs and have their shit together while men are a mess, is sexist. You got it, Kathy. I suggest watching it on silent.

Oh Just Take My Word For It Already, You Were Going To Anyway.

No, Skimming Rainbow is not the latest thrill available on the Craigslist casual encounters board. (Except if you like doing it in the bookstore.)  It’s just what I’m calling this roundup of links from the week. Now that Reading Rainbow is off the air, this is the most important literature available to you.

Making it work, Weekend-At-Bernie's style.

According to the rest of the internet this week:

• Project Runway sucked this week.
• Woody Harrelson (stop yawning and read) smokes pot and justifies his drug use with our drug use. JNLYBJJ. (Judge not lest ye be Judge Judy, © stopthemadness)
• Spencer Pratt committed the unpardonable doosh. So doom! (Just in case he wasn’t already going to hell for this comment.)
• Gerard Butler refuses to make any films he’ll be remembered for.
• The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Danielle Staub is selling her house in glamorous Wayne, NJ: Home of the Chinese restaurant where I used to get drunk.
• Am I the only one who didn’t realize Janet and Jermaine had broken up?
• An X-Factor reject got plastic surgery after being criticized once by Simon Cowell, which begs the question, why exactly did she think she was ready to be famous?

P.S. Happy Labor Day!

What do you do when you have the acting range of a banana slug and have a new movie to promote? Wear something that shows a lot of skin and hope no one realizes that the only reason you are famous is because of a really good catch phrase from your TV show.

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Gerard Bale-tler