No Jazz Hands Necessary

I love the movies, most of the time.   They capture the imagination, can make us happy, sad, or  even mad.  Some are just lame and some are awesomely lame.  For instance, Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes.  Horribly bad, but in a way you just can’t turn it off.  There is one movie out of all of them that make you want to be in them. This my friends is, the dance movie.

I have a few in mind I would like to share as they have given me oodles of joy and kick ass dance moves.  Get your whistles ready.

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Hollywood, You Killed My Childhood, You Bastard: Fame Edition

Since I am so wise, I have figured out the meaning of life: Beer, Fun, and Bale. Now that I have all this spare time after answering life’s timeless questions, now what? I’ll tell you what I get to do now. Bitch and whine. Once you figure life out, you can join me. Until then you get to read my musings. This week I shall take Hollywood to task and ask them why they insist on bricking me in the face.

Soooooooooooo, I’ve complained about Hollywood remaking my most favorite movies and bricking them in the face. Such as Footloose. Chace Crawford is no Kevin Bacon my friends. I only need one degree to tell you this will suck, royally. And Julianna Hough from Dancing With The Stars is supposed to reprise Lori Singer’s role? I think not. Hollywood must be stopped.

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Chasing Bacon

Ever since I heard they were remaking this movie full of greatness, I’ve been sad, but then I forgot all about it and thought Hollywood had, too. But, it seems my celebrations were too early. Chace Crawford, who’s too pretty for words, shall be the new Kevin Bacon. Originally Zac Ephron was cast but dropped out and they just substituted Zac Ephron part deaux in the role. I had trouble telling them apart. Next up they can do the male version of The Patty Duke Show. I’ll let them dance fight over who gets to be on top.

Chace Crawford, you hear me now. You are no Kevin Bacon, SIR! Do you think that you can dance angry in a warehouse drinking beer and mentally envisioning a montage like Mr. Bacon? You think you can do knee slides, spins, and high kicks with his tenacity? I highly doubt it, small fry. He was the male Jennifer Beals of his time. No other guy from the 80’s can say that.

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Kevin Bacon vs. Shrek

This week’s Thunderdome offers the who-used-it-better edition. In the 1984 film Footloose, we were treated to Kevin Bacon playing chicken on farm equipment in a scene set to the Bonnie Tyler song “Holding out for a Hero.” (more…)