We should all be ashamed of ourselves for judging.

Remember a couple of days ago when Michael Lohan released private convos between himself and Lindsay? We were all, “What a douchebag,” “What parent would tape private conversations with their child and hold on to them to use at a later date?”

Well, guess who just released another clip of a private conversation? If you guessed, Mi Han ( I just made that up, I’m working on it), then you win nothing but you are correct, Squeep. But don’t  you go spilling your beer; if you do, will judge you, so please don’t spill the nectar of heaven. Especially if it’s Bud Light Lime.)

Let me explain:  He’s only doing this to clear his besmirched name. You can hear Dina talking about getting a knuckle sandwich in the pie hole from Lindsay. They said Lindsay had to go to rehab and Lindsay knocked a mother trucker out. Let that be a lesson to you all if you ever run into her. Don’t mention the word that rhymes with, “mefab.”

Dina also claims she tried to get Lindsay not to move to Hollywood when she turned 18. Ummm, I find that hard to believe since she partied with her daughter and once said,  “Lindsay’s having to go to rehab was ‘ridiculous’.” Or maybe Dina just said that because she didn’t want to get punched again?

But now you can see why Mi Han had to do this, right? By releasing this tape his name will be cleared because……., oh yeah, “Lohan says he only released the personal audio tapes because he’s afraid for his daughter’s life, and he’s tired of being targeted as the bad guy.” And somehow his releasing all these tapes will make Lindsay more willing to enter rehab and also make him look less douchey.

Soooooo, releasing the tapes will make him look like less of a bad guy because……ummmm, I’m going to have to ponder this more as my brain was twisted right into a pretzel working this all out.

Now don’t you feel like a big jerk for thinking the worst of him?

Art Thou KIDDING ME?!?!

"Sure, end dogfighting. I don't have to pay for it, do I?"

First the Philadelphia Eagles and now BET is signing this guy!?  Seriously?

BET is partnering with Michael Vick’s production company (he has a production company!?) to produce a reality show for Vick, tentatively called The Michael Vick Project.

No, I’m not kidding.  Michael friggin’ Vick, dog killer extraordinaire, is partnering with Black Entertainment Television to produce a REALITY SHOW.  The show, according to its producers, will be different than ordinary reality shows and will be more serious in tone.  According to Radar Online, “The series will explore Vick’s past, his time in prison, his NFL comeback and his problems with his fiancé.”

Notably, the statement doesn’t expressly say that his reality show will explore the fact that he is a goddamn dog killer.  Additionally, because Vick is 20 million dollars in debt, there is, unsurprisingly, no word on whether any of the proceeds of the show will be donated to any animal organizations.

I seem to recall a faux contrite press conference during which Vick claimed that he wanted to set an example for kids and that he would attempt to begin to atone for his animal murdering sins.

We’re still waiting Vick.  Still waiting.

Why NOT Attach Their Story To That Of A Rape Victim Who’s Been Held Captive For 18 Years?

Okay. I’m SURE I don’t have to tell y’all about Jaycee Dugard and the fact that she was held captive in a series of trash-strewn tents in her captor’s backyard since age eleven for the past EIGHTEEN YEARS and in that time had two daughters by her rapist/captor, Phillip Garrido, right? And I probably also don’t have to explain how horrifying that must have been for her (AND her children,) right?
Well. The guys at the OC Register (Mark Whicker wrote it, but it had to go through a series of people before it got the thumbs-up - which, sadly, it did) thought it would be clever to use that story as a vehicle for their list entitled “Many Odd Things Have Happened In Sports the Last 18 Years.” Let the hilarity begin!

The list talks about how JayCee was deprived of high-fiving, volley-ball spiking, and smacking a forehand down the line, whatever the fuck that means.
Here’s a helpful smattering of quotes from the article, and part of “The List,” (which you can read here, in it’s entirety,):

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Oh Just Take My Word For It Already, You Were Going To Anyway.

No, Skimming Rainbow is not the latest thrill available on the Craigslist casual encounters board. (Except if you like doing it in the bookstore.)  It’s just what I’m calling this roundup of links from the week. Now that Reading Rainbow is off the air, this is the most important literature available to you.

Making it work, Weekend-At-Bernie's style.

According to the rest of the internet this week:

• Project Runway sucked this week.
• Woody Harrelson (stop yawning and read) smokes pot and justifies his drug use with our drug use. JNLYBJJ. (Judge not lest ye be Judge Judy, © stopthemadness)
• Spencer Pratt committed the unpardonable doosh. So doom! (Just in case he wasn’t already going to hell for this comment.)
• Gerard Butler refuses to make any films he’ll be remembered for.
• The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Danielle Staub is selling her house in glamorous Wayne, NJ: Home of the Chinese restaurant where I used to get drunk.
• Am I the only one who didn’t realize Janet and Jermaine had broken up?
• An X-Factor reject got plastic surgery after being criticized once by Simon Cowell, which begs the question, why exactly did she think she was ready to be famous?

P.S. Happy Labor Day!

Where are your kids, Jon?

I was hoping that the celebrity massacre which Cait and NFL Guy wrought upon the world by going on their honeymoon would be enough to remove Jon and Kate Gosselin from the public consciousness FO-EVAH.  Silly me.  Seems everything Jon does gets reported.  He broke up with his wife.  He broke up with his girlfriend.  He broke up with his nanny.

My question is this:  Jon, did you break up with your kids too?  Because for all the talk about your girlfriends and hair plugs and new Ed Hardy outfits, I’ve yet to hear a peep about what it is you’re doing for your damn kids right now.

Jon, any man can be a celebrity dooshbag.  Not every man can do the right thing and take care of the 8 fruits of his loins!  And if you are spending time and caring for your kids, rather than running around acting like a dipshit, if I were you, every time a tabloid asks me a question about anything, I would make sure to say “Hey, want to hear about how much time I’m spending with my kids?  You know, when I’m not diddling the nanny?”

Also, lose the Ed Hardy gear.  It’s not helping.

Who ya gonna call, McG?

McG earning extra douche point for his facial hair

Director Joseph McGinty Nichol, or as he refers to himself, McG, is a notoriously stressful director to work for.  After all, our own Mr. Squee lost his shit on the set Terminator Salvation over something the director should have taken care of long before it got to melting point for President Bale.  He’s also  hated by fanboys and well, most people in the industry, in general.  He knows what the general opinion of him is.

“It’s partly the name,” says McG, relaxing on a sofa in the offices of his production company Wonderland Sound & Vision. “I mean what kind of asshole goes around calling himself McG? It’s real fun to hate that guy.”

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