This is why people with no friends shouldn’t have phones

Every body’s favorite see-through shirt wearing douche is at it again. Michael Lohan was arrested today. No, being a complete asshat is not illegal now. Michael was arrested for violating his restraining order. Again. He didn’t violate the restraining order his ex-wife and super mom Dina Lohan has against him. The order he violated this time is the restraining order his ex-girlfriend Erin filed for. Much like the order Dina has against him, Erin’s restraining order states that Michael cannot have any communication with her at all. That means no phone calls, no letters, no holding a boom box above your head outside her bedroom window. Nothing. You hear that Michael? She doesn’t want anything to do with you! It seems that his Right Said Fred shirt has interfering with Michael’s ability to comprend this. Oh well, maybe some day he’ll dislodge his head from his ass. One can dream.

Ah Michael, we hardly knew ye…

I woke up this morning and hit my alarm clock because I really didn’t want to get out of bed. I jumped in the shower and then stumbled over to my computer in a really bad mood. After I checked my emails I decided to go over to TMZ and see what was going on in the celebrity world today. To my surprise, I saw something that totally turned my mood around. What did I see you ask?

(more…)

We should all be ashamed of ourselves for judging.

Remember a couple of days ago when Michael Lohan released private convos between himself and Lindsay? We were all, “What a douchebag,” “What parent would tape private conversations with their child and hold on to them to use at a later date?”

Well, guess who just released another clip of a private conversation? If you guessed, Mi Han ( I just made that up, I’m working on it), then you win nothing but you are correct, Squeep. But don’t  you go spilling your beer; if you do, will judge you, so please don’t spill the nectar of heaven. Especially if it’s Bud Light Lime.)

Let me explain:  He’s only doing this to clear his besmirched name. You can hear Dina talking about getting a knuckle sandwich in the pie hole from Lindsay. They said Lindsay had to go to rehab and Lindsay knocked a mother trucker out. Let that be a lesson to you all if you ever run into her. Don’t mention the word that rhymes with, “mefab.”

Dina also claims she tried to get Lindsay not to move to Hollywood when she turned 18. Ummm, I find that hard to believe since she partied with her daughter and once said,  “Lindsay’s having to go to rehab was ‘ridiculous’.” Or maybe Dina just said that because she didn’t want to get punched again?

But now you can see why Mi Han had to do this, right? By releasing this tape his name will be cleared because……., oh yeah, “Lohan says he only released the personal audio tapes because he’s afraid for his daughter’s life, and he’s tired of being targeted as the bad guy.” And somehow his releasing all these tapes will make Lindsay more willing to enter rehab and also make him look less douchey.

Soooooo, releasing the tapes will make him look like less of a bad guy because……ummmm, I’m going to have to ponder this more as my brain was twisted right into a pretzel working this all out.

Now don’t you feel like a big jerk for thinking the worst of him?

The Most Important Information Available To You

I really thought they would die together.

Skimming Rainbow Presents: Teams

Being part of a team is an interesting alternative to accomplishing things alone. It isn’t always easy, nor does it always turn out to be right. But when you get just the right group, it can be amazing. Being an island is a little overrated. So team up! Maybe you’ll find yourself a little bit stronger, and your resources a little bit wider.

According to the internet this week…

• I hate that Jon and Hailey are officially over. I was so looking forward to seeing them next season on Tool Academy. Jon had already nailed the “Let me prove myself” speech.
• A bunch of kids formed a gang that successfully robbed celebrity houses.
• Ten pitchers (like for drinks) got together to make me suddenly feel like I really need a pitcher.
• Get one-upped until you feel so outranked that you need to validate your tastes by falling in love with someone at this hipster-only dating site.
• These young rappers would have fared better if they started their order with “two all beef patties.” McDonalds isn’t so into originality.
• Lindsay and Dina have joined forces against (the absolutely terrifying TMIMO) Michael Lohan. I guess a brush with the barrel of a water gun makes a woman re-prioritize.

…And who’s on your team this week, Squeeple?