For she’s a jolly good fella…

Yesterday was the birthday of our dear hag, cooter aka cooter jean aka the legend of cooter jean.

Cooter is… how do you say?… bad ass.  What can I say about cooter that can’t be expressed in drunken poetry?  (Probably lots of things, but here goes nothin’):

There once was a cool chick named cooter

Who seemed like she couldn’t be cuter
It was her birthday,
And I’m here to say,
I hope she can fix my computer.

You know you feel it too. Sentimental, right?  Here’s another, straight from the heart:

There once was a girl who liked ‘vettes

If you said “I can’t ride,” she’d  say “Let’s”

You’d drive and you’d drive

And if you didn’t make it alive

She’d get early onset tourette’s

Here’s another classic, from me to coot:

Cooter jean

She isn’t mean

She makes me laugh

She’s not Zach Braff

She makes cool shit

I’d pay for it

I’d drink jack and coke

just to hear her tell a joke

she’s one bad ass mothertrucker

and i’m supercalifragilistic glad that i know her

Happy Birthday, cooter!  I hope it was a fantabulous one!

Come on squeers! Let’s raise our glasses to cooter’s birthday and leave your best cooter-related poetry in the comment section!

Me My Mo’ Milly–LILY!

Listen here, Squeers!  Today is the birthday of persona extraordinaire, Lily the Pink.  So everyone open your door or window and yell really loudly “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILY!!”  And if someone says “shut up!”  You just yell, “NO! YOU SHUT UP!!!”

SO, what can be said about Lily that hasn’t already been said?  Oh.  I haven’t said anything yet.

::clears throat::

How’s about a song first?  Everyone pick up their glasses, it’s about to get crazy up in hurr.

Let’s drink a drink a drink to Lily the Pink the Pink the Pink…

::standing ovation::

As I was saying before I was so rudely, interrupted–Let me tell y’all something about Lily.  She rocks.  She kicks ass.  Civilizations crumble in her wake.  Babies cry at her beauty.  Women want her.  Men want to be her.  Cats clamor outside her door in the hopes that she will look upon them with kind benevolence.  She is one of the best people I know.  She is one of the best friends I’ve ever had.  I love her.  You love her.  Even Tom Cruise loves her.

As a tribute to our fair maiden’s birthday, Thundersquee! presents a series of poems and other musings from Hags and Squeers! in honor of her escape from the uterine Bastille a mere X number of years ago.

Lily?  This is for you.

(more…)

Paris Hilton and her hot piece of man meat (Doug Reinhardt) caught loving, touching, and tonguing.

The couple met Elton John’s partner David Furnish in a Cannes nightclub and was invited to an exclusive party on his yacht. According to the tabloids, as soon as they arrived at the party they started acting out of control. A source says,

“As soon as Paris arrived she had her tongue down Doug’s throat.  Everyone kept saying how inappropriate they were being but Paris didn’t care who was looking. They got so worked up she dragged Doug below deck so they could have some private time. But as they were closing the cubicle door so they could tear into each other, they were caught out. David spotted them and the captain was furious. He kicked them off for unsociable behaviour. Everyone congratulated the captain.”

Can’t these two “get a room”? I mean, her last name IS Hilton. It is has been said that there is not enough Lysol or Clorox in the world to undo the germage (damage due to germs) done to the bathroom. Sinking or burning of the yacht is currently being discussed.

Source.

Squee! of Squee!

Cooter’s cutie, Ella

Homegirl needs to stay at home and drink

Like the rest of us. But then again who hasn’t had a few too many and wanted to fight? The one and only Janice Dickinson attacks a paparazzo ( who she refers to as insects) after he proclaims she’s” a great distraction”. She goes ballistic, dropping the “f” bomb and the ever so delicate “c” word. Then an obviously intoxicated Janice wants to kick his ass and “f” him up.  I dont know about you but I would totally lose it too if I was being goaded by the paps. Can you blame her?

HEADPHONES WARNING: AUDIO IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK

Heartless

Tuesday night on American Idol, Kris Allen sang Kanye West’s Heartless. When it came time for the judges critiques, Randy Jackson said “Dude, check it out baby, I liked that better than Kanye’s version. That for me was better than the original.” Time stood still as the audience did a silent “Oh no you di-int!” Not really, but can’t you just picture Mr. West’s face puffing up in anger,  blowing off his body and flying around the room along with his Mac computer. I guess Randy Jackson has a death wish.

Here’s Allen’s version. Kanye’s follows after the jump. You be the judge, but watch your back.

(more…)

And rip out your own eyeballs and shake your fists

These two crazy kids are at it again. Hard core “Christian” Heidi Montag, SCUZE me… Heidi Montag Pratt has just released a new music video for “blackout.” Sound familiar? The Britney Spears wannabe and her forever dooshy husband are pimping out her new song via iTunes. Ready to make a purchase?

Justin Timberlake Edition

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