Terrelle Pryor: Doosh Dossier

This year has visited a groundswell of doosh upon the hapless heads of Hags and Squeeple alike. A torrential outpouring of vinegar so vast in scope and relentless in attack that it can relate to only this: the countless acts of dooshery, douchestacity, and douchebagelry with which we, in the People’s Republic of Thundersquee!, have been forced to reckon. It ain’t pretty people. We’ve had Kanye Interruptus; Carrie Preach-jean; Jon “Ed Hardy” Gosselin; Rush Oxylimbaugh; Glenn Crazy Eyes Beck; and the list goes on.

Here’s how it will work. For the next couple of weeks, we will recount some of the dooshes catalogued in our year-long category aptly titled “Doosh Watch 2009.” We will then pit the dooshes against each other in the Thunderdome. And you, dear squeeperson, will vote for your least favorite doosh, or-if you prefer a phrase more semantically accurate-the dooshiest doosh as between the dooshes.

Put on your protective goggles, squeeples. You do NOT want to look any of these dooshes in the eye.

So here’s what you do: Assess the dooshery based on our prior blog posts throughout the year and any independent knowledge you may have of a particular doosh’s dooshiness. And then vote! It’s as easy as saying… something that’s easy to say.

We will provide a doosh dossier on each of three Doosh of the Year Nominees throughout the day. Then at the end of the day (8 p.m. PST-ish) that day, we will open the polls for voting. You vote for the dooshiest of the three. And at the end of the doosh round robin, we will pit our final three nominees against each other and award a Giant Bag of Doosh to our Douche of 2009. Stay classy, squeeple!

Next up are Serena Williams, Delonte West and Terrelle Pryor or as we at Thundersquee! like to call them, the doosh athletes who shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Terrelle Pryor

Okay, some people will say you should cut this guy some slack because he’s young.  But I say if you’re old enough to serve our country in a friggin’ war, you should be old enough to put together a few coherent thoughts.  And no, saying “everyone kills people” is not a coherent thought.

To be fair though, that quote doesn’t quite do his dooshiness justice.  First of all, he was defending Mike Vick.  That was mistake No. 1.  Mistake No. 2 follows in its entirety:

“Not everybody’s the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever.”

Also, here is a video of him doing what he does best:  Inserting his foot into his mouth.

We are left speechless from this ridiculousness, when HE is the one who shouldn’t be talking.  And this makes us angry.

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The worst the sport has to offer

The college football season is winding to a close, and sadly, that means the Bottom 25 is too.  Oh, we’ll be back a couple more times, but it’s still sad anyway.  And as you’ll see, sadness plays a pretty big role this week (at least at No. 1).

Anyway, here’s the weekly Bottom 25 (at least in this humble author’s opinion).

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Some of you don’t remember the days when Florida State had 14 consecutive Top 4 finishes.  Or when Bobby Bowden didn’t wear a worried frown on his face as he paced the sidelines.

Some of you remember the recent era of Florida State football, mired in controversy and mediocrity.

I remember both. (more…)

Bayou Classic: Teh Recap

Well, we’ve pretty much reached the end of the road.  And after 14 college football games in 13 weeks, I can report back to you one thing, and one thing only:  I’m tired.

I mean, think about it.  A typical college football fan goes maybe a game or two a year.  A fanatic goes to all of his team’s home games and maybe a roadie or two … meaning six to eight games total.  Only complete nutbars (like yours truly) go to a game every week.  And even then, for them, half of those games are at home.  Cait and I went to the equivalent of 12 road games this year (Tulane and the Bayou Classic took place in New Orleans, so I won’t lump those in with the rest), and not even the coaching staffs or players can say the same about their Fall grind.  Like most fans, half their games happened at home.

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Bayou Classic: Grambling State vs. Southern

I’ve been on some pretty great trips this fall, and seen some pretty great games.  But for my money, it’s hard to top the game I’ll be attending this weekend … one I’ll have witnessed three straight years come Saturday.  I’m talking about the Bayou Classic, and while Cait is going to be sitting this one out, Stopthemadness has said she’ll go with me (which is somewhat possible, given the fact she is visiting us this weekend).

As you know by now,  I’m going to a different college game every weekend.  And you guys get to tag along.  Every week I’ll preview the game I’m going to, I’ll be podcasting and tweeting the experience live, then recapping the whole ball of wax with video/photos/what have you on Monday.  As an added bonus, I pick winners for all the biggest games of the week (including this one).

Now that that’s out of the way, on to the football!

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Southeastern-Nicholls State AND Southern Miss-Tulsa: Teh Recap

The Eyeblack Odyssey had a busy weekend, as Cait and I somehow motivated ourselves into taking in two games this weekend instead of just one.  We started things off with a Thursday night rivalry tilt in Hammond, La., then hit Hattiesburg Saturday for a Southern Miss game.

We’re tired.

Don’t get me wrong, we had a good time at both games.  And we learned more about this great game of ours.  But perhaps the most important lesson we’ve learned at this point is that when it comes to game-day experiences, less can be more.

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Southeastern Louisiana vs. Nicholls State AND Southern Miss vs. Tulsa

Cait and I will be double-dipping this week, hitting two games instead of just one.  We are doing this primarily because I figured the holiday season just isn’t stressful enough (ha, just kidding … everyone knows the holiday season started eight weeks ago, per all the Christmas commercials I’ve been seeing).

As you know by now, Cait and I are going to a different college game every weekend (and this week, we’re hitting two – booyah!).  And you guys get to tag along.  Every week I’ll preview the game we’re  going to, we’ll be podcasting and tweeting the experience live, then recapping the whole ball of wax with video/photos/what have you on Monday.  As an added bonus, I pick winners for all the biggest games of the week (including these ones).

Now that that’s out of the way, on to the football!
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The worst the sport has to offer

The college football season is winding down (we barely knew you), and with every passing week we see more and more teams choke and/or give up.  It’s just what happens this time of year.  Someone has to win and have success … and that means someone else has to lose.  It’s the circle of life or something.

Yeah, I don’t know what I’m rambling about either.

Here’s the weekly Bottom 25 (at least in this humble author’s opinion).

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LSU-Louisiana Tech: Teh Recap

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past three months in my travels to football games around the South, it’s that you don’t always get what you’re expecting.

LSU-Louisiana Tech was a great example.  Coming into the weekend, I expected to be wowed by the atmosphere, yet witness a cruddy game.  As it turned out, I got the opposite: a game-day atmosphere like most any other (both good and bad), but also one of the more entertaining games I’ve been to.

You just never know.
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LSU vs. Louisiana Tech

Few things in life live up to the hype.  (I’m looking at YOU, Tim Tebow.)  This weekend we’ll get to see if the LSU game-day experience can approach the reputation it has generated over the last dozen or so years (a time period in which the Tigers have won TWO national championships).   Many observers have called it the best tailgating spot in the country.  Others have tabbed the stadium as the most difficult venue for any opponent.  Can the place possibly live up to being called the best in both categories against a “lesser” opponent in Louisiana Tech?  It better, because my expectation is that the “best in the country” should be impressive no matter who the opponent is … that’s just how I roll.

As you know by now, Cait and I are going to a different college game every weekend.  And you guys get to tag along.  Every Friday I’ll preview the game we’re  going to, we’ll be podcasting Saturday and tweeting the experience, then recapping the whole ball of wax with video/photos/what have you on Monday.  As an added bonus, I pick winners for all the biggest games of the week (including this one).

Now that that’s out of the way, on to the football!

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The worst the sport has to offer

Welcome back to another week of the Bottom 25.  We’ve got some real contenders for the top spot this week, thanks primarily to some colossal on-field failures over the weekend, so the countdown should be as entertaining as ever (unless you think this whole thing is poo, in which case, go read about ballet or something – not that ballet isn’t great in its own right, but yeah, it’s sort of the opposite of football … I think).

Anyway, here’s the weekly Bottom 25 (at least in this humble author’s opinion).

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Tulane-UTEP: Teh Recap

There are a lot of themes and concepts I have running around in my head about my experience this weekend at the Tulane game, and while it will be impossible for me to touch on them all adequately here and now, I’ll still do my best to let you know what I’m talking about here.

First of all, we decided to treat a game in our home town as a true luxury, and we were able to do that by tailgating … on our front porch.  Burgers, brats, beer, and we even got to watch Iowa lose its first game of the year from the comfort of our living room.  Add in the College Gameday from Air Force (a special thing for Cait, in particular, to witness) and the fact we were easing our way back into this thing after a week off, and it was really a perfect start to our day in most respects.

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Tulane vs. UTEP

We’re back, and we begin our November journeys with a 5-minute jaunt down the road to the Superdome, where we’ll be checking out Tulane attempting to resuscitate its season against visiting UTEP.  In the coming weeks, we’ll be travelling to Baton Rouge and Hattiesburg, and back to the Superdome once again (the Superdome will figure prominently from here on out), but for right now at least, it’s finally time to check out the Div. 1 football program in our own back yard.

As you know by now, Cait and I are going to a different college game every weekend.  And you guys get to tag along.  Every Friday I’ll preview the game we’re  going to, we’ll be podcasting Saturday and tweeting the experience, then recapping the whole ball of wax with video/photos/what have you on Monday.  As an added bonus, I pick winners for all the biggest games of the week (including this one).

Now that that’s out of the way, on to the football!

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The worst the sport has to offer

I always enjoy putting this list together.  Why?  It’s cathartic.

Think about it.  You get to call out all the people and things that suck about your favorite sport, and then afterward, you get to hash it out further with some fellow college football nuts.  Pretty cool, eh?

Well, it is to me.  :-D

Here’s the weekly Bottom 25 (at least in this humble author’s opinion).
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Seriously, Brandon Spikes.  WTF?

This past weekend marked the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, or for the uninitiated, the Florida-Georgia game.  This heralded rivalry has been an annual event since 1915, and most years, it is played in Jacksonville.

It’s usually a pretty fun affair despite the drunken idiocy of fans from both sides.  But this year is a bit different.  Florida is the reigning national champion, helmed by a Heisman-winning quarterback.  They’re number 1 in the BCS rankings right now.

And Georgia?  Well, Georgia’s not all that great this year (that opening weekend loss to Okie State illustrated that).

While most media coverage of the Gators centers around Tim Tebow, who may or may not be the Messiah, Florida’s been quietly winning their games on defense, not on offense (don’t let Saturday’s score of 41-17 mislead you).  Linebacker Brandon Spikes is likely to be a first round draft pick come spring.

Unfortunately, he’s also now on Thundersquee’s Doosh Watch 2009 finalist list.  Here’s why - watch very carefully.

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Bye week!

After eight consecutive weeks of college football (and nine games attended in person), Cait and I are taking a much needed break this weekend.  Was this part of the original plan?  No.  Is it a necessity in order to prevent my flinging poo at people?  Absolutely.

But I haven’t forgotten about you, fellow Squee-ers!  Here are my picks for the weekend and a hilarious video of Nebraska’s comedy of errors against Iowa State.  Glorious.

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The worst the sport has to offer

There was plenty to dislike in college football this weekend (with only some of it coming on the field of play).  From more official madness to epic defensive collapses, from the winless dregs of college football to the under-achieving bluebloods, I’ve about had my fill of this crap.

But who am I kidding?  I’ll always keep coming back for more … to make fun of.

Here’s the weekly Bottom 25 (at least in this humble author’s opinion).
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Mississippi State-Florida: Teh Recap

Well, this was an interesting week.  And while I could probably go on and on about the game (a fun, albeit sloppy affair with the Gators ultimately prevailing), the atmosphere (50,000 cowbells ringing in unison must be heard to be believed) or the hospitality (great fans who welcomed us into their tailgating tents and made our game-watching experience that much better with their passion and wonderful humor), this whole journey got started with the intent being an exploration of the humanity of the game … and that should (and does) include my relationship with my wife.

You see, I wouldn’t have gotten this far without her, I wouldn’t have even started it without her, and I sure as hell can’t finish it without her.  She is, quite literally, the person that keeps this whole thing going, and I thank her for it.

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Oct. 24, 2009 — 10:30 a.m. CT

NFL Guy and I (and a couple of cowbells) are about to hit the road for Starkville, Mississippi for tonight’s Mississippi State-Florida game, but as you enjoy your morning java and prepare to openly gawk at the shenanigans of Lee Corso, check out our pregame podcast for today’s college football stories:

• Florida hasn’t won in Starkville since 1985.  1985, people. 
• Warm thoughts and fuzzies for the UConn family and for the family of Jasper Howard
• Quarterback on the rise: Christian Ponder (who may just be Florida State’s next Rhodes Scholar)
• Quarterback on the fall: Terrelle Pryor, who is obviously regressing this season for the Buckeyes
• Upset alert: Washington over Oregon
• BCS standings? Yawn.

Eyeblack Odyssey Week 8

Follow us on Twitter (#eyeblack) and be sure to check our Facebook page for updates tomorrow.

But for now, here’s a little humor to start off your gameday:

And a more serious preview…

Mississippi State vs. Florida

A week after reveling in the cowbell at McNeese State homecoming, we’re continuing the rusted noisemaker theme this week, travelling to Starkville for the Mississippi State-Florida game (though given the stakes of this particular contest, don’t expect the cowbell to be the major attraction).

As you know by now, Cait and I are going to a different college game every weekend.  And you guys get to tag along.  Every Friday I’ll preview the game we’re  going to, we’ll be podcasting Saturday and tweeting the experience, then recapping the whole ball of wax with video/photos/what have you on Monday.  As an added bonus, I pick winners for all the biggest games of the week (including this one).

Now that that’s out of the way, on to the football!

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