Linky-loos you can use.

Ok, who is going to buy me a mini-piggy?  Because one of these fuckers needs to be bought, put in a walking harness, and given to me right ::stomps foot:: NOW.  Via Daily Candy.

Seriously, Sarah Palin chaps my ass.  She’s a hypocrite with a side of doosh.  First she claims that those who question Obama’s birth certificate have a point (are we seriously still talking about this Birther Bullshit?) but then takes to her Facebook page like some dildouchey teenager and says she never really said it at all.  Sarah? Please do us all a favor and consider dying in a fire. Thank you. Huffington Post.

IDK. LOL. WTF!?! FTW.  Lamebook.

Little Richard has always been insane - whoooooooooooooooooooooooo!  BoingBoing.

McG is ruining our lives.  He’s ruining the Terminator franchise which means he’s ruining Christian Bale’s life, and for that McG must die in a fire.  I hope Bill Murray pierces McG with a lance before McG kills us all.  We don’t need 6 mothertruckin’ Terminator movies!  Stop it!  STOPTHEMADNESS!  (See what I did there?)   Pajiba.

UAE has been experiencing a downturn in heretofore ever-expanding economy.  Their solution?  Giant. LED. Phallus.  Gizmodo.

Make sure you are current!  Here is a decade of hipster evolution so you know if you’re passe.  Paste.

Man, I loves me some Jason Segel.  And now he’s gone and stuck his fuckstick in no man’s land.  And by “no man’s land” I mean “Lindsay Lohan’s lady cavern.”   (Yes, it’s normally “ladyhole” but that seems semantically incorrect when one is talking about that dirty Hohan.  Silly squeeple; you thought I’d make a sapphic joke.  I’m bobbing and weaving, squeeps.  Expect the unexpected.)  Litely Salted.

Tiger Woods was spreading his seed hither and yon with as many as nine women. NINE TIMES.  NINE.  (That’s a Bueller reference for all you noobs and/or whippersnappers.)  The Superficial.

If Katy Perry and Russell Brand have kids, I am pretty sure they would create some super-beast of annoying-ness (uh-huh, so too a word).  All I am saying is, let’s hope there are no buns in said oven until 2012 is firmly passed.  I’m Not Obsessed.

Crazy is as Crazy Does

Orly Taitz, dentist, lawyer, and hot cup of crazy, got slapped with a $20,000 fine for her Birther shenanigans.

Orly Taitz is that crazy Tammy Faye-looking lady who is the “queen” of the Birther Movement.   She’s been flapping her gums about how Obama isn’t a U.S. citizen and therefore isn’t legitimately the President of the United States, and has filed multiple lawsuits making her absurd claims.  For most people, the birther crap seems to have run its course.  Or at least, it has in the media.  It is, after all, abjectly fucking stupid.

Nonetheless, I reckon there are underground lairs of crazy people who still believe this nonsense.  And Orly is one of them; she continues to demand that Obama produce his birth certificate.  Even though… you know… he already has.    Hell, even Hawaii tried to put a stop to the birther crap and came out and said “Listen here, motherfuckers.  Obama was born in Honolulu!”  But, apparently Hawaii is in on Operation Fake President; at least according to Orly.  After all, she’s the one behind all the fake birth certificates–including one from friggin’ Canada.

Orly has been ridiculed for months now–by the media, by the courts, and by her own (former) clients–but she keeps on actin’ the fool.  And now her unchecked tomfoolery has resulted in sanctions–a whopping $20,000 which is $10,000 more than the amount the judge originally threatened.

I’m fairly certain my original was assessment was correct; the judge was baiting her by asking her to file court papers addressing why she shouldn’t be sanctioned.  Instead of writing a legal argument, she served up more crazy.

From the judge’s ruling:

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Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq. = PWNED

Last week I told y’all about how Orly Taitz is off her damn rocker. If you recall, she decided it would be a good idea to spout off to the media that Judge Clay Land is treasonous and a puppet of the Obama “regime” after Land dismissed the case of Taitz’s client, Connie Rhodes–a woman who seems to think she can demand verification of her deployment order on the basis that Obama has not yet proven that he’s a U.S. citizen and therefore a legitimate President.  Basically, both of these women are nucking futs.

Instead of keeping her piehole shut, Taitz went and filed another motion!  The court viewed it as a motion to reconsider which is legalese for “Hey Judge, you got it wrong; here’s why; please reconsider your ruling.”  Usually when lawyers file motions to reconsider, they base it on, you know, legal principles and junk.

Not Orly.  Oh no.  Instead she decided to file a motion that relied on no legal authority whatsoever, and instead restated all her birther bullshit.  She called the judge treasonous and said that “the United States District Courts in the 11th Circuit are subject to political pressure, external control… and subservience to the same illegitimate chain of command which Plaintiff has previously protested.”  (Um, Orly?  Judge Land was not even appointed by Obama.  HE WAS APPOINTED BY DUBYA IN 2001.  So, what in the name of biscuits are you even talking about?)

Here’s a snippet of gold from the Judge’s ruling:

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Orly Taitz: The biggest idiot since sliced bread.

So you all know about the crazy ass Birthers, and how they think Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and that, with respect to the presidency of Barack Obama, the United States government is perpetrating the largest fraud upon the American public since the FDA warned us that eating Pop Rocks and Coke killed Mikey.  (He liked it!)

Orly Taitz is the lawyer/real estate agent/dentist who is representing a bunch of soldiers who are refusing to follow deployment orders because they think that Obama is not legitimately President of the US of A and conclude that they don’t have to follow his orders.  [I wrote about the idiocy of the Birthers here and here.]

Well yesterday, a federal judge in Georgia (Judge Clay Land) wasn’t having any more Birther crap, and, in a blistering opinion, threatened Taitz with sanctions if she continues to file her bullshit lawsuits:

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Idiots.  Everywhere.  Growing On Trees.  Raining from the Sky. 

This whole birth certificate business is getting beyond ridiculous.  People have been screaming lately about how they want to take their country back and how Barack Obama is not actually a United States citizen, but rather a citizen of Kenya, and  therefore his presidency is not legitimate.  These people claim that Obama’s real certificate shows that his name is Barack Mohammed Obama (yeah, he changed his name because he knew that post 9/11 the name Hussein would definitely get him elected, yeah, def-def-definitely get him elected).  These morons were screaming about this before he was elected.  Hawaii put the issue to bed by issuing statement after statement confirming his citizenship.  But nooooo….  people are not satisfied.  And so, the issue is back in the media.

Seriously?  Are we actually having this conversation.  And are there actual elected Republican officials who are playing into the utter batshit crazy wing of the party?  Why yes.  Yes there are.  It’s totally insane.  At this point, these birthers are the stupidest fucking people on earth.  Hawaii has confirmed that Obama was born there.  Obama has provided his birth certificate.  At this point, the argument of the Birther Movement amounts to this:

THAT BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS A LIAR.

Continuing to believe that Obama was born in Kenya is like continuing to believe that the earth is flat.  It makes you a stupid fucking idiot.

In the video below, Chris Matthews takes on some asshole  (Congressman John Campbell from California) who is supporting a bill that would require future presidents to prove that they were born in America.  As if the goddamn Constitution doesn’t already have such a requirement in it.  Watch it.  And then join me out back.  My head will be exploding forthwith:

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