A Bale Unto Himself.

It's his party and he'll cry if he wants to.

Today is my friend and squeeperson justinsloe’s birthday.  What can I tell you about justinsloe?  On the first day, he kicked ass.  On the second day, he turned water into beer.  On the third day, he built an ark.  On the fourth day, he saved the unicorns.  On the fifth day, he rocked the casbah and the party.  On the sixth day, he tore down that wall.  On the seventh day, he was born.

justinsloe gets it done.

...and then I was born. Boo ya!

Happy Birthday, buddy!  You’re a real class act.

For she’s a jolly good fella…

Yesterday was the birthday of our dear hag, cooter aka cooter jean aka the legend of cooter jean.

Cooter is… how do you say?… bad ass.  What can I say about cooter that can’t be expressed in drunken poetry?  (Probably lots of things, but here goes nothin’):

There once was a cool chick named cooter

Who seemed like she couldn’t be cuter
It was her birthday,
And I’m here to say,
I hope she can fix my computer.

You know you feel it too. Sentimental, right?  Here’s another, straight from the heart:

There once was a girl who liked ‘vettes

If you said “I can’t ride,” she’d  say “Let’s”

You’d drive and you’d drive

And if you didn’t make it alive

She’d get early onset tourette’s

Here’s another classic, from me to coot:

Cooter jean

She isn’t mean

She makes me laugh

She’s not Zach Braff

She makes cool shit

I’d pay for it

I’d drink jack and coke

just to hear her tell a joke

she’s one bad ass mothertrucker

and i’m supercalifragilistic glad that i know her

Happy Birthday, cooter!  I hope it was a fantabulous one!

Come on squeers! Let’s raise our glasses to cooter’s birthday and leave your best cooter-related poetry in the comment section!

Happy Birthday, my friend.

It’s a certain someone’s birthday today.  You may know him as “ramy.”  Or you may know him as “Iowa apologist.”  Or you may know him, in his drunker and more idiotic times, as “shit disturber.”  I know him as one of my best friends ever in the whole wide world of things.  He’s a miscreant with a heart of gold.  He’s a genius with more brainpower than a mentally challenged rabbit.  He brings gastronomic excellence to those who cross his path.  He’s a sinner and a saint.  A sock and a shoe.  A lawyer and a chef.  A Hawkeye and a Wolverine.  I’d follow him to the gates of hell, but then I’d quickly turn back because it’s friggin’ hot in hell and he knows damn well I don’t like him that much.

Raise your glasses, squeeple.  It’s a celebration, bitches.

You don’t look a day over fabulous

In case you don’t know, once upon a time General Zod, Agent Smith (a.k.a. Lord Elrond of Rivendell) and the dude from Memento made a little cult movie called The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. If you haven’t seen it, then get thee to your Netflix page and add it to your queue.

Guy turned 42 this past Monday and I can’t let it pass without busting out on of my favorite Youtube video. Enjoy.

Watch Your Step, Errant Boys!

There is a Birthday Girl named TheHobo
Who sometimes nails boys with her crossbow
She’s clever, and sweet
She makes “awesome” obsolete
And she’s more badass than Greta Garbo!