Don’t you hate it when you go to a website that threatens you with eternal banishment if you don’t stay on topic? Well, those of us here at TS with adult ADHD, who are easily distracted by something shiny, feel your pain. That’s why we have created “Coffee Talk.” It gives you one subject to focus on.

Once a week, we will throw out a topic. Feel free to voice you opinion in a Thundersquee!^TM way. If you’re feeling really spunky, add a little Bailey’s, or Welsh Whiskey to your coffee. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. This week’s topic: vegetarianism and veganism. Talk amongst yourselves.

Mall shopping in the Ballyhood

I had to venture out to the mall the other day. I hate going there, and go so rarely, that in between trips I forget what it is I dislike about it so much. It takes all of about 2 minutes to refresh my memory.

It was an unseasonably warm day, so many people were driving with their convertible tops down. I saw 2 women driving with the top down and brushing their hair at the same time. (No, this doesn’t have anything to do with being at the mall, but I just wanted to share this oxymoronic behaviour with everyone.)

When I arrive, the first thing I have to deal with are the people who want to wash my car while I shop. First of all, they charge an outrageous price. Second of all, they expect a tip nearly as large as their asking price. I have a vacuum, a water hose, soap, buckets, ShamWows™ and a kid trying to earn enough allowance to buy a pair of Uggs™ (don’t ask) at home. I have to deal with this because I MUST enter the mall through Nordstrom, at the entrance going into the women’s clothing department. I blame this on my self-diagnosed mild case of OCD.

When I make it into the actual mall area, one of the most baffling things I spot are all the school age girls at the mall with their Moms. There are never any school age boys, just school age girls. Are all these girls home schooled? Do their Moms keep them out of school for a day of shopping? Why are they all wearing Miley Cyrus t-shirts?  (I have (conspiracy) theories that answer all these questions, but that’s another post.)

One of the first stores I walk past is Mimi Maternity. I stop dead in my tracks. There is a picture of Nicole Richie in a maternity dress. A really pretty maternity dress. I go in to look at the rest, and they are really cute. I can’t believe I just made that confession. It just seems so wrong on so many levels. Especially since I’m not even pregnant.

After this, I have to walk past all the kiosks with people trying to sell me hand lotions, cell phones and plans, and cheap jewelry. I’m allergic to the lotions, I have an iPhone, thus I am ball and chained to AT&T, and I rarely wear jewelry. Two of these are truths, and one is a lie. Can you spot the lie? Anyways, it gets them off my back.  When I go to the mall, it’s usually on one single minded mission. I want to get in and get out as quickly as possible. I don’t need these (meaning any more since Nordstrom) distractions.

Of course, I get to see all the usual mall attractions. People who couldn’t find the time to change out of their pajamas. I guess that Orange Julius just couldn’t wait. The senior mall walkers. The streets of Bethesda are too dangerous, so they take it indoors. The “professional” shoppers who can carry their weight in shopping bags. And, naturally, the unemployed hipsters who still live with Mommy and Daddy. Poor dears.

I left the mall without the object of my desire and a dirty car. It wasn’t a totally wasted trip. I did come away with refreshed perspective and a pair of Jag Jeans. I swear to Xenu they were calling my name.

So, have any of you Squeers had interesting mall experiences you would like to share? Fresh perspective is always welcome. Leave the stale stuff at The Corner Bakery.

Don’t you hate it when you go to a website that threatens you with eternal banishment if you don’t stay on topic? Well, those of us here at TS with adult ADHD, who are easily distracted by something shiny, feel your pain. That’s why we have created “Coffee Talk.” It gives you one subject to focus on. Once a week, we will throw out a topic. Feel free to voice you opinion in a Thundersquee!^TM way. If you’re feeling really spunky, add a little Bailey’s, or Welsh Whiskey to your coffee. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. This week’s topic: lying. Talk amongst yourselves.

Trying to Find the Middle Ground

Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman. It seems everywhere you turn, someone is trying to force their version of what a real woman should be down your perfectly lined and lipsticked piehole. If it’s not the misogynistic dipshits in the fashion and advertising world, than it’s the neo-feminists telling you how unaccomplished you are if you’re not out working 80 hours a week at some high-powered job.

Do you have kids? Yes, that’s OK. In fact it is this generation’s MUST for the woman who wants to have it all! That’s why Xenu created nannies and cleaning services! Real women don’t have time to take care of things at home. You can always schedule “Kid Time” in on your iPhone! You can even set a little alarm to go off as a reminder.

Now don’t get me wrong, if this is a lifestyle a woman chooses for herself, it’s OK by me… it just may not be suitable for some of the rest of us. There are women who are perfectly happy staying home, running the carpool, volunteering at school and cooking gourmet meals. Some of these women had the ball-busting career and traded it in for diaper duties and snuggles. Other women went straight from high school to the altar, and shortly thereafter, the maternity ward. No, not all are happy with their situations, but neither are all the “successful” women. Some want desperately to get off the roller coaster, but are too afraid of being considered a failure.

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Seriously, WTF is up with Detroit?

Three runners died during the Free Press/Flagstar Half-Marathon in Detroit on Sunday. The 26, 36 and 65 year-olds all collapsed within 16 minutes of each other between the 11 mile mark and the finish line. All three were avid runners and in apparently good physical condition. The last time anyone died during this event was 1994 and it was during the full marathon. Toronto freaks out when three people die in a ten year span during their half-marathon. The fact is, you have a greater chance of being murdered than of dying while running. Even if you are a couch potato and especially if you live in Detroit. I seriously think everyone’s chance of dying increases 10 fold when they enter the city’s vicinity. I am an avid runner, but this is not a situation that would deter me from running. It may make me think twice about running if I am ever in Detroit.

Would this freak event cause any of you Squeers to stop/not take up running? I’m also interested in theories. What are your theories on why this happened? Conspiracy theories welcome.

Don’t you hate it when you go to a website that threatens you with eternal banishment if you don’t stay on topic? Well, those of us here at TS with adult ADHD, who are easily distracted by something shiny, feel your pain. That’s why we have created “Coffee Talk.” It gives you one subject to focus on. Once a week, we will throw out a topic. Feel free to voice you opinion in a Thundersquee!^TM way. If you’re feeling really spunky, add a little Bailey’s, or Welsh Whiskey to your coffee. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. This week’s topic: astrology. Talk amongst yourselves.

And Other 21st Century Myths and Legends

I hate buying cars. It’s not actually the getting the car that I dislike so much as the having to deal with the car salesmen aspect that goes along with it. I dislike the process so much, that I have successfully avoided buying a car for over a decade. Several months ago someone asked me how long I had owned my car.
I told them I had purchased it during the Clinton Administration. I like to measure time in Presidential Terms. It really puts things in perspective for me. “Yes. I got pregnant with my daughter during the Clinton years, but gave birth to her during Bush’s Debacle.”

I have been in denial concerning the need to purchase a new car for a couple of years now. Everyone else seemed well aware of the fact. I was asked if I was “some kind of Hippy trying to make a statement” and “where were my peace decals?” In my eyes, she was still the same vision of beauty as the day I bought her. But, the day my daughter got out of the back seat holding an unrecognisable plastic piece that had fallen off of something, and my husband joked about “duct tape,” that was my cue to find her successor.

I already knew what kind of vehicle I wanted to purchase, so I headed to the dealership for a couple of test drives. My husband was out of town, so I had to do this on my own. When I walked through the door I swear all their minds were thinking, in unison, “Shark Bait!” I kept thinking, “Car salesmen must be failed televangelists. Or, vice-versa.”

After a couple of test drives with my assigned salesman, I’ll call him Forest Whitaker without the charm, I decided on a car and called my husband for his version of a fair deal. After much over-the-phone haggling, we decided on the price. Later that evening, he went with me to look it over. As soon as we walked through the door, the charmless one, whom I will now refer to as Vulture, swooped down on my husband and told him he had some papers for him to sign. Errr, wrong move, Vulture. He didn’t even offer him a look over and a test drive. I knew the deal was already lost.

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So What?

No Loofahs Were Harmed.

Letterman seems to be in a heap of trouble with the American viewing public lately. Why? Because he had adult consensual sexual relations with female co-workers. No, there weren’t any laws broken, no animals were harmed, and no loofahs involved. The situation came to light when Letterman was blackmailed by another employee at CBS.

Instead of crying out indignantly, denying the accusations, swearing to fight them to the end, and then cutting a deal with the blackmailer in private, he contacted the police and told them everything. The blackmailer, and extortionist, (thanks Mae) I’ll just refer to him as scumbag because I’m too lazy to Google him and he really doesn’t deserve the notoriety, was later arrested. Letterman then went public with everything on the Late Show.

I’m sure he was well aware that admitting to affairs could very well cost him both his family and his job, yet he told the truth and made a public apology. This wasn’t sexual harassment in the workplace. This wasn’t rape. The women involved were not underage. And he’s not running for public office. So, why all the fuss?

Honestly, I think some people just like getting their noses into other people’s bedroom business. He’s a comedian! As far as his personal sexual affairs, that’s between him and his wife. Half of these people calling for his head on a platter have probably cheated on their wife, and the other half have probably put up with a cheating husband. If you’re not his wife, you should stay out of the situation, because it’s really none of your business. Stop making judgment calls on what she should or should not do and what should happen to him. Let them work that mess out.

Smells Like Nostalgia

I have spent many (drunken) Saturdays in October at Carter-Finley Stadium. Usually, (since the departure of Philip Rivers) it’s to witness NC State getting their butt whooped. This time it was to see the Muse/U2 concert, which I have officially renamed “The Young, Hot and Fresh followed by the Old, Tired and Stale Tour.”

I have never been a big U2 fan. I think some of their songs are ok, but, honestly, I would never have considered going to this concert if Muse weren’t playing. My dream concert would be Muse opening for Radiohead. According to “The Site That Shall Not Be Named” I am a music snob.

Let the snobbery begin!

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Don’t you hate it when you go to a website that threatens you with eternal banishment if you don’t stay on topic? Well, those of us here at TS with adult ADHD, who are easily distracted by something shiny, feel your pain. That’s why we have created “Coffee Talk.” It gives you one subject to focus on. Once a week, we will throw out a topic. Feel free to voice you opinion in a Thundersquee!^TM way. If you’re feeling really spunky, add a little Bailey’s, or Welsh Whiskey to your coffee. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. This week’s topic: conspiracy theories. Talk amongst yourselves.

Don’t you hate it when you go to a website that threatens you with eternal banishment if you don’t stay on topic? Well, those of us here at TS with adult ADHD, who are easily distracted by something shiny, feel your pain. That’s why we have created “Coffee Talk.” It gives you one subject to focus on. Once a week, we will throw out a topic. Feel free to voice you opinion in a Thundersquee!^TM way. If you’re feeling really spunky, add a little Bailey’s, or Welsh Whiskey to your coffee. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. This week’s topic: Facebook. Talk amongst yourselves.

The 5th Avocado

The Mandated Critical Day Has Arrived.

Yes. The last drunken holiday of the summer has come and gone. Now it’s back to work and to school. Sadly, many children from home schoolin’ wannabe families will not be partaikin’ in any lernin’ today. Why? Because the President is going to try brainwash them with with his “Stay In School” speech. It seems some people view staying in school and receiving a good education as part of a Socialist agenda. I believe this is because these people were never taught, in school, the meaning of the word Socialism. I’m not going to start a Socialism 101 class. All I’m going to say is, I’m sure these people will want their Medicare when they get older, and are probably very glad their parents have it.

The point I would like to make is, wouldn’t telling your children the president is wrong and evil be considered a form of brainwashing and indoctrination? Why not let your kids listen to the President, make up their own minds about what he has to say, and then sit down and discuss these ideas with them? That’s what I’m going to do. Yes, I am one of those Hippie, Open-minded, Progressive, Enlightened Parents. (HOPE) Most children are pretty smart and can smell bullshit a mile away. Even when it is coming from their parents.

I’m proud this country has a well-educated, articulate President who wants to share this with the Nation’s children. I don’t see how anyone could be opposed to this. Would you let your children (real or hypothetical) listen to the President’s speech?

No. This isn’t a boat launch for the Potomac.

The other morning I had to take my husband to the airport. We left right before 6AM thinking we would have a clear shot without any traffic. These hopes were dashed as we approached the American Legion Bridge. Traffic was slowing down. As we were creeping across, I noticed this huge, plastic object that appeared to be a hull. I looked to my left, and there in the far outer lane was a boat! Not on a trailer attached to a vehicle, just a boat.

I thought I had seen it all on the beltway. Flaming cars, cars without windshields, cars passing on the shoulder, going 60 miles, and crashing into the backs of tractor trailers, cars that were flattened like pancakes, people trying to cross the beltway, boats abandoned on the side of the beltway, but never a boat on the beltway.

Later that day, I found a news article stating what had happened. Apparently the owner of the boat failed to properly secure it onto the trailer.

(I guess he was in a hurry to get his fishing on.)

The boat came off the trailer and landed in the road. He called authorities to have them send someone to tow it away. He failed to mention the size of the boat, so the first truck that was sent out was too small. The boat was finally hauled off around 7AM. Traffic was backed up past Germantown, MD. The owner of the boat declined to be interviewed. I wonder why?

Traffic is bad enough in DC without some irresponsible, lazy dumbass making it even worse. People who leave for work before 6AM do so in order to miss traffic. He certainly screwed that up for everyone. It’s too bad being a complete moron isn’t at least a misdemeanor.

Reverse Psychology

This is someone’s comment on a CNN message board. He is stating his opposition to President Obama’s “Stay in School” speech.

Jim Plinkett September 4th, 2009 10:33 am ET

I think the libs realized they would have tumble weeds running through the schools, mass withdrawls to private schools, ect. I know at least 5 public school teachers, all of whom put in for leave from this mandated critical day to be in. There will not be enough subs to come in, oh, and this in now way contributes to the learning agenda of any class in K-12. Why doesn’t he go preach about himself in the mirror or to people who want to listen like Van Jones, ect. Bow to him all impotent.

I think this guy is simply opposed to staying in school. Maybe the President when he were a young’un didn’t give now crap speeches, about whatnot, etc.?

So, who wants to listen like Van Jones? I’m sure there’s an online instructional course. I think it could contribute to a leaning agenda.

I’m going to try to work the phrase “mandated critical day” into everyday conversation.

“Hey Cait and STM? Is Tuesday Thundesquee’s! mandated critical day next week ?  Or is it Thursday?”

I know all of you Hags and Squeers can come up with some suggestions for me.

Don’t you hate it when you go to a website that threatens you with eternal banishment if you don’t stay on topic? Well, those of us here at TS with adult ADHD, who are easily distracted by something shiny, feel your pain. That’s why we have created “Coffee Talk.” It gives you one subject to focus on. Once a week, we will throw out a topic. Feel free to voice you opinion in a Thundersquee!^TM way. If you’re feeling really spunky, add a little Bailey’s, or Welsh Whiskey to your coffee. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. This week’s topic: public transportation. Talk amongst yourselves.

Bad Peepaw!

I know everyone is aware that Walmart is a classy business establishment, so I’m sure all of you will be quite shocked at this story. Sixty-one year old Roger Stephens became quite irate when the mother of 2 year-old Paige Matthews failed to silence her daughter’s crying. In fact, he became so enraged that he slapped the child several times across the face. The Mom screamed for security, he ran away, was tackled by another customer, (Ok, I may be exaggerating) got arrested, and was charged with cruelty to children in the first degree.

Since that is a felony, I think he might go to jail.

I have some advice for people in these situations. Not sound advice, just BBB’s advice.  (more…)

Nothing says happy birthday like a Torgo greeting card!

Ready to Roll?

German hostels, look out! There’s a new player on the scene ready to steal away all of your unwashed masses of students: The Heuhotel.  For around $11 a night, you, and up to 60 other people, can sleep in some farmer’s barn on a bed of hay. Sleeping bags and towels are optional and must be provided by the patron.*

I can assure you that there is at least one BedBug that will not be participating in this new craze. Although they do provide privacy curtains, a functioning toilet, continental breakfast, and various outdoor activities, you still have to share your sleeping quarters with the permanent residents of the barn… the farm animals. What happens if they eat your bed? With you in it!!! I’m sure some Hollyweird D-list director already has a movie in the works about zombie farm animals attacking and killing scantily clad, oversexed youths. The excessive blood and gore is a given.

So, my question is, would any of you Hags^TM and Squeers!^TM be up for a little barnyard adventure? Or would you rather be at the Ritz ordering brunch in bed?

*Disclaimer.

Don’t you hate it when you go to a website that threatens you with eternal banishment if you don’t stay on topic? Well, those of us here at TS with adult ADHD, who are easily distracted by something shiny, feel your pain. That’s why we have created “Coffee Talk.” It gives you one subject to focus on. Once a week, we will throw out a topic. Feel free to voice you opinion in a Thundersquee!™ way. If you’re feeling really spunky, add a little Bailey’s, or Welsh Whiskey to your coffee. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. This week’s topic: shoes. Talk amongst yourselves.