I’m sorry but if I saw this coming at me on a dark night in an Applebee’s parking lot, I’d brick it in the face and ask questions later. I guess Leighton Meester learned to put makeup on at clown college.

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Linky-loos you can use.

Preppy punk?  Oxymoron, emphasis on MORON.  Really, I don’t get how, based on no talent and a nose job, Ashlee Simpson can get yet another new gig.  I mean, in this economy?  The mind, she is boggled.  DListed.

Purdey. Gizmodo.

Cord Jefferson hates old people.  True story. The Awl.

I almost got married in Kelly Pickler’s dress (3d pic).  However, the boobs would not abide.  Also, the jewel thing looks cheap in person.  Also, the material looks cheap.  Basically, I looked like a cheap, wanna be upscale hooker with overspilling boobs.  But she looks nice?  Jezebel.

ET was totally a zombie, dead bloated sloth.  National Geographic.

Don’t call him a doosh-bag, he’s been one for years.  Undoing what the Great Oprah got did, Mike Tyson punched out a photog, proving, once again, he has no self-control.  You’re shocked, I’m sure.  USA Today.

Need some culture, but don’t have the time for long-winded poetry?  Three-line poems can help.  Fierce and Nerdy.

Having problems with your ass or ass urea?  Maybe these products can help.  Gawker TV via Gizmodo.

Shit My Dad Says: Twitter feed, book, sitcom?  Yep.  Let your jealousy rain down like fire from the volcano of your exploded head.  Wired.

Lou Dobbs quits this bitch.  Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you. I’m out!  HuffingtonPost.

And that, squeeps, is what’s up!

Two trailer park girls go round the outside, ad infinitum.

Apparently, there has been a little Twitter-tastic tiff between doosh-blogger extraordinaire, Perez Hilton, and body-acceptance hypocrite, Ashlee Simpson. You see, Perez reported that Ashlee and her mini-man were fighting at the one-year anniversaryy of his lame-ass bar in Chi-town (for real, Angels and Kings in NYC is lame, so I can only assume that the chain’s style aesthetic is uber-suck). Ashlee took to Twitter to fight back, saying, and I’m paraphrasing here, “nuh-uh, did not, never ever, instant karma’s gonna get you, blah, blah, blah.” Perez was all, “I have sources, gimme a sammich, I’m not wrong.” Then Ashlee channeled Nick Burns and said, “WRONG.” In the meantime, Perez, remembering Ashlee’s old nose and believing her to be a crone with magical powers, had become worried about his karma, and scoured Craigslist looking for a good-luck chain mail, and is now re-posting like a mo-fo.

What the HELL Snoop?!?

That is just a sad sad photo. I can only hope that Snoop was so high he didn’t realize who they were.

Hanging with Willie Nelson is one thing  - but these two idiots?  Come on, Snoop.