Do the Right Thing Bahamas!

The pink countries are where marital rape is more or less illegal.**

The Bahamas has proposed a new Amendment to their Sexual Offenses Act. The amendment proposes to remove the term “who is not his spouse” from section 3 of the current act. What is section 3 you ask? The rape statute.

The Bahamas, like the majority of counties in this world have made marital rape a legal impossibility under the law – even though the UN declared marital rape a violation of Human Rights in the 1993 Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women. Did I mention that the Bahamas are a member of the UN? Lets not just beat up on the Bahamas; the UN has 192 members but there are only 104 countries with laws against marital rape.

Why, pray, tell would a country keep marital rape legal? It’s a really basic marital unity argument: when you marry you become one and you can’t rape yourself. There is also a religious factor– when a couple marries, God decrees their bodies are each others. For the record, however, the Catholic Bahamian church has come out in support of the Amendment. Do the right thing Bahamas!

(more…)

Gay Marriage

Look, I know that gay is the new black, but maybe we can avoid a bloody battle and come to a solution on this issue. I see no argument for denying gay marriage. I have two points:

(more…)

Heigel Suckfest

The ugly truth is this movie is a misogynistic piece of crap and even Gerard Butler’s fucking amazingly hott ass can’t save it. And Heigl said that Knocked Up was sexist? HA! I had issue then – she made these statements after the movie hit big, after DVD sales that were through the roof finally slowed – then and only then did she admit she thought it was sexist. (Which by the way – oversensitive feminista that I am- I do not agree).

The Ugly Truth is just a series of sexist sentiments that are repeated over and over. Women are clingy. Women are controlling. Men need to be men. Don’t emasculate men. Men like sex. Play hard to get, be coy, don’t act like a woman. No man wants a woman because women suck. But Knocked Up, where women hold better jobs and have their shit together while men are a mess, is sexist. You got it, Kathy. I suggest watching it on silent.

Happy Birthday, Jujubees!

Today is our Queen of Hags and the Original Bedazzler, Jujubees’ birthday. So today, we’re going to present to you a day of Jujubees. Earlier today we brought you a tribute to her favorite Bale and her favorite beer (she may be single-handedly responsible for the sale of this elixir), and we felt it was the best way to kick off this day of Juju. BUT, we owe her far more, because she is, well, because she is Juju.

For those who don’t know, Jujubees, is the Original Hag. It was Jujubees who started our first message board and banded us Mollygood malcontents into a group. Jujubees is the reason the Hags exist, she’s the reason that we are a family. And if it weren’t for Jujubees, there would be no Thundersquee!, and if there were no Thundersquee! there would be no Squeers! Yes. That’s you! You wouldn’t exist. It’s some apocalyptic shit.

Stop freaking out! Let the Bedazzler soothe your soul:

We love her.  We owe her.  And most of all, we bow down to her hilarity.

Because she cannot always be here (she’s got a litter of children that she raises), and because many of you are not familiar with her comic stylings, today, we will present to you just a a tiny gelatinous morsel  of comedy sweetness.

Cheers to you, Jujubees.  If it wasn’t for you, our lives would be a whole hell of a lot less awesome.

Lots of love,

The Hags

Without further ado, Thundersquee! presents: Jujubees’ Jewels:

(more…)

Summer Kicks (for under 15 bucks!)

Eiffie Nicki Purple Women Sandal

$9.99!!!

Under 10 bucks.  These babies are sparkly purple with a gold 3.5 inch heel.  They would be perfect for a patio cookout this summer.  Since they aren’t stiletto you could probably walk on the grass too.

Michael Antonio Kepa Orange Women Sandal

$12.99!!!

Summery, beautiful and a shiny satin finish perfect for a fancy event.  Plus orange! Can you think of a better color for summer??

Damita K Candice-7 Turquoise Patent Women Sandal

$12.99!!!

Now your tootsies are ready for summer BBQs, parties and clubs.

In my chest

Kellie-April, or April-Kellie? Who can tell?

Apparently Kellie Pickler and I have something else in common besides prom dresses. Her favorite prom dress and my favorite prom dress are the same, but for different reasons of course. I tend to pick the ugliest thing on the rack to laugh at, she picked it to wear. Tom-AY-to, tom-AH-to. We also have bronchitis–in May. Awesome. Seriously, we are twins. I mean, think about it:

(more…)

Bride Wars

One year from this weekend your former shopaholic, myself, Ms. April Elizabeth Sh… (like I am going to tell you) will be marrying The Fiancée. Specifically, one year from this Friday. Although the specifics are all up in the air, one thing is settled, this will be on the cheap because a) I am cheap, and b) I am broke.

This will not be the only wedding installment for cheap ass brides like myself, but this is the first. Being the first, it deals with the most fun of wedding planning: the dress.

The Dress

I set the goal as under 200 bucks. This is what I found:

Cream A-Line, Lily Wedding

A beautiful A-line, cream, strapless crystal beaded formal gown for $178.00.  It also  comes with a free veil and free UPS shipping, solidifying its bargain status.

(more…)

Squee! of Squee!

Confessions of a Dogaholic: April’s Blackjack and Dana

Blackjack (a.k.a. Princess Jack)

Dana

Summah, Summah, Summah Time!  (Part One)

I think I made it clear that summer is my favorite time of the year.  Today you are getting a GIANT double dose of savings.    Why?  Because Memorial Day is upon us.  To me, Memorial Day means beaches, pools, grilled hot dogs, and pasta salad, AND 1 year to my wedding day.  The first part, therefore, will be a summer extravaganza, and tomorrow’s part will be wedding savings for any of you blushing brides.

Part I:   “Don’t you find Kahuna to be a little on the lazy side?”

Sun Screening Beach Umbrella - Rio Brands

This umbrella comes in hideous multicolors, but also in teal, blue, and lime green.  It is a 6 foot diameter umbrella with adjustable height.  It comes with   powder coated steel pole, PVC carrying bag and is lined for SPF 50 sun protection.

(more…)

Summer time!!!

It’s confession time. I am a summer freak. I wear flip flops, in Boston, from April until October, and occasionally November. I wear sunglasses year round as well–doctor’s orders (light triggered migraines), but I am broke. Cute flip flops and glasses can be costly, especially when you wear them the majority of the year.

UB Oversized U-Loop Fashion Frame Sunglasses & Drawstring Sunglass Pouch

I love sunglasses, but I am a cheapo. Is it just me or is it becoming ridiculously harder to find cute glasses for under 10 bucks. I don’t know why you ever spend more than 10 bucks. What happens to sunglasses? They get lost, break in your purse etc. Sunglasses are expensive and doomed.

These glasses are 7.99 a pair. They come in black, caramel, pink and white. You know what that means, don’t you? You could own these in all 4 colors for less than a $32.00. 1 for every outfit.

I love the sparkles on the side. That was the seller for me.

(more…)

“Whoever doesn’t have a Vergatario is nothing”

Vergatario is a new cellphone being hawked by Hugo Chavez–it’s also a penis. Chavez wanted  a phone that was both awesome and affordable, so he had the Vergatario created. The name Vergatario is derived from the Venezuelan slang word for penis.

This puts Hugo’s slogan: “Whoever doesn’t have a Vergatario is nothing” into perspective, no?

Awesome.

Cheating cheaters

Why do some celebs cheat? I mean, if you are an A lister or have A list name like Brad, Angelina, Jennifer or George, recognition its one thing–when your little ego boosting affair goes down the tubes, and the opportunistic skank you are fucking sells his or her story to OK or People or whoever, you could conceivably deny it.  You even have a built in laundry list of excuses.

“Baby, every week they say I’m pregnant, they never get that shit right.”

“Babe, they always accuse me of being on heroin. They hate me; you know that.”

“C’mon, one week we’re getting married, the next I’m moving out; its just the next logical step to make up a cheating story.”

“Seriously, a different girl every week for my entire career. Things aren’t going to change in the media because I love you.”

(more…)

Amazing Shoes under 50.00

Magna Cum Laude Oxfords

OH MY FREAKIN’ GOD. These are the most beautiful shoes I have ever seen.  You can find them at ModCloth for $39.99.

I wanted an under $ 40.00 theme, and $39.99 would be really pushing the whole under $40 theme, but come on! Look at those shoes!  Think tweed skirt and blazer, pink shirt.  How freakin’ cute.

(more…)

Smug Prius Owners Edition

Dear Oh-So-Superior-Prius-Owners*,

Ha!

Maybe my Honda Fit doesn’t run on electricity, and maybe it doesn’t get 50 miles to the gallon, city, if that’s what you really get. Maybe it only gets 35. Maybe it doesn’t do all that. But I’ll tell you what else it doesn’t do: speed up to 84 mph without my consent.

Wipe that smug green smile off your face.

* I don’t hate Prius owners. I hate annoying Prius owners. I have a healthy respect for the environment and anyone else who does, but Prius has been elevated to the status of driving a BMW. Some consider it an environmental badge of honor. I have issue with the superiority over other car owners. Until you are biking 20 miles to work everyday, save your superiority but thank you for being able to afford a Prius and making the choice to drive one, instead of an SUV. But remember, you still fill it with fuel like the rest of us, not compost.

Betsey Johnson Sample Sale

BETSEY JOHNSON!

This is another one of those, by invite only type sites, so if you want Betsey Johnson at sample sale prices, just email me at april@thundersquee.com.

The Dresses (Just to give you an idea):

Betsey Johnson Stretch Charmeuse Dress in Watermelon

I am about to sell myself on the street for $129. This dress retails for $315 but you can get it at Rue La La for $129.

Details:
Smooth watermelon stretch silk charmeuse dress with black ruffle trim
Approximately 31.25″ from top to hem
Sweetheart neckline with black ruffle trim
Center front faux black eight-button placket
Upper boning at bust for extra support
Front and back darts
Left side seam zipper with hook-and-eye closure
Upper shirred elastic back
Pencil skirt
Care instructions: Dry clean only

(more…)

Honda Element

I am so excited! I own two black labs, some of you have have heard of them. They cavort with the devil. These dogs are teh evil. We are talking “left alone in the car for 10 minutes and ate all the seat belts” evil.

Well Honda has a solution for me. Looks like I’ll have to trade in my 2008 Fit for an ugly ass special doggy edition of the Honda Element. For those of you in the know, this car is the car of choice for dog people. It is made out of plastic. PLASTIC. They can’t ruin the carpets if they are plastic.

(more…)

Francesco Biasia Purse Sale Edition

So basically I suck. I haven’t been here and I am sorry. I intend to make up for that with this post though. This is is delicious.

Good Girl Two - Black

Regular Price: $799.00
Editors’ Closet Price: $265.00
Details: Made of glossy patent leather. Dimensions: 9 wide across bottom, 13 wide across center, 12 wide across top x 6 1/2 deep x 9 high. Single shoulder strap. Shoulder drop: 9 length. Two front exterior flap pockets. Zipper accents. Pull release closure. Interior lining with a back wall zip pocket and multifunctional slip pockets.

(more…)

“Gilt”-Free Edition

In honor of Confessions of a Shopaholic opening this past weekend - and being so GOD AWFUL bad - I hope this post will make up for it. But, this post is also really mean. And because of that, I am sorry. But…. Although this particular post is mean, you will be quite happy with the gems I am about to give you. All these sales are available for a very, VERY short time only. (more…)

Designer Dilemma Edition

The designer dilemma: any cheapskate knows it well. We want designer clothes but just can’t seem to get our wallets open for a $400 purse. For real, my limit is generally $20.

However, sometimes deals are so good that exceptions need to be made. Other times, knockoffs need to be found.

So for this edition I will try to provide you with some cheap designer goods and occasionally some cheaper similar items (in case, like me, you can’t even afford designer goods at 70% off).

(more…)

Drive-by

Aside from a recurring post on excellent shopping buys, I will provide drive-by coupon posts when ever I get wind of a kick ass coupon or sale.

I wear E.L.F.  I will stand by it.  I use their products, with $80 worth of E.L.F. cosmetics stockpiled in my bedroom.

That being said, $20 purchases are rewarded with a nail kit worth $42, using the coupon code newyou20.  

This may not work with the 2ship2009 $2 shipping promotion, but it’s totally worth a try.

You are welcome.
April

P.S. $80 worth of make up ships for $9.95 regularly.