Strange, but true

Adventures in the Bush (or World’s dumbest criminals?)

West Australia - In June, after a monitored, endangered marsupial was killed in West Australia, scientists set out to recover the collar that contained a radio transmitter, only to find that a six-foot long python had swallowed the marsupial and collar.  The scientists captured the snake, intending on waiting for the collar to pass through, but poachers broke into the Department of Environment and Conservation’s shelter and stole the python, intending on selling it.  According to a June report in The West Australian, the scientists eventually picked up the transmitter’s signal again, arrested one poacher and freed the snake from its impending life of captivity.

Nice parenting

Oregon, Wisconsin - David J. Peschl, 36, was arrested in February after his nine-year-old son wrote a school essay about the “painful afternoon my Dad shot me with a BB gun” all because his son was blocking the TV set.  The boy’s elementary school teacher turned the essay over to the authorities and Peschl was arrested and was charged with one felony count of child abuse.

Wild Boars hate Prius’ too

New London, New Hampshire - A retired wild-life biologist was traveling down Interstate 89 when just around 6:30pm something slammed into her driver’s side door.  The impact was so powerful that it pushed the car into the breakdown lane (then again, she was driving a Prius.) Shortly after calling 911, the responding Trooper heard that the boar had struck another car and was laying dead on the side of the road.  Talk about dying for a good cause.  Tonight, I drink in honor of the Boar.

strange, but true

I wonder if they serve coffee?

La Paz, Bolivia - Believed to be the World’s only lounge to have Cocaine on the menu, Route 36, occasionally has to change locations depending on how the moods of bribed local officials are. To me, in my opinion, that’s the problem with bribery. If you start paying, eventually the price is going to go up, until all your profits are going to keep your butt out of the clink.  But, I digress.

In August, London’s The Guardian reported that a pure gram costs around $14 dollars, while premium is around $22 dollars. It’s served by waiters on CD cases and straws. Never fear though, alcoholic drinks are on the menu as well. I’d imagine they don’t serve a lot of food though.  One waiter recalled that the lounge had some Australians come in and stay for four days, only leaving to go to the ATM.

Questionable Business Model  or generous Sadist

Longview, Washington - A 23 year old man held up a sign in downtown Longview offering $5 dollars to anyone who kicks him in the groin.  He made one sale before police, acting on a complaint, showed up and asked him to move on.  He got off easy compared to a man in Guelph, Ontario who asked  women to kick him in his bits and pieces for free.  A local newspaper reported that one woman kicked him repeatedly.  Ouch!

It’s the shoes

Palm Beach County, Fla - Defense lawyer Michael Robb loves his gently worn Cole Haan shoes.  So much that he resisted a motion to replace the shoes and buy a new pair.  The plaintiff’s attorney, Bill Bone, argued that jurors would see the holes in Robb’s shoes and be unfairly sympathetic to Robb’s client, finding him humble and more deserving of a win.  The motion was denied and Robb later said he has renewed enthusiasm for the shoes.  Of course he does, they won him a case.  If only the jurors knew how much a pair of Cole Haan loafers cost.

Strange, but true

Talk about fierce competition

Broome, Australia - Police in the Western Australian town reported last month that a five-year long feud between two rival camel-ride vendors in the Cable Beach resort area had escalated again, this time involving camel theft and tossed camel feces. Insert inappropriate jokes involving camels here.

Questionable is an understatement

Sao Paulo, Brazil - The company Petsmiling has created a prototype DoggieLoveDoll™ in three sizes, designed as a “mountable,” anatomically correct sex partner for male dogs.

“When a dog tries to hump legs, stuffed animals and other objects, he cannot reach an ejaculation. With the DoggieLoverDoll he can. Human beings have their hands to masturbate themselves, now the domestic animals, which have practically no contact with females in heat, can alleviate themselves with a toy designed specifically for them. Dogs have a great sexual appetite and this novelty, surely will better their lives. ” as quoted on the site.

Apparently, Uncle Clark’s leg isn’t good enough.

(Editor’s Note: Let the record stand that I found researching this hilarious and repulsive at the same time and went as far as asking stopthemadness if canine masturbation was off-limits!)

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Strange, but true

Moons over… Germany?

Berlin, Germany - A 22 year old journalism student apparently missed the travel etiquette in his Frommer’s travel guide.  It all started when the 22 year old was kicked off the train for not having a ticket to ri-ide-ide.  So he did what any scorned traveler would do and pulled down his trousers and pressed his bare behind up against a window on the double-decker rail car.  Unfortunately for him, his pants became lodged in the door of said train car and he was dragged 200 meters, miraculously keeping his legs away from the wheels.  Luckily, a passenger saw what was happening and pulled the emergency brake.  He escaped with only cuts and bruises, and most likely huge fines for delaying the train and interference.  Let this be a lesson to all travelers, if you’re going to moon a train that will eventually move, do it at a safe distance.

Who’d a guessed it?

Berlin, Germany (again) - The sex industry in Berlin is going green, ya’ll! Several brothels in the capital city of Germany have been battling to avert the decreasing demand in their services due to the economic down turn.  The Maison d’Envie, or House of Desire for you non-fancy talking people, bordello is doing so by offering discounts to customers who arrive via public transportation or bicycle.  Just show them your padlock key or public transportation ticket to receive a Euro5 or $7.50USD discount.  Forget about taking advantage of that discount if you arrive on foot though, as they haven’t found a way to prove that you walked there.  My solution to people hoofing it and are really in need of a little bowm chicka bowm bowm?  Buy a padlock and carry the key with you.

Another brothel also tried to avoid the decline in business by offering a flat-rate for unlimited time with the prostitute of choice, but official’s raised concern about the worker’s rights and club’s cleanliness.  Hooker’s have rights too, ya’ll!

A-hah! This is why my counter is covered in empty cans

Moscow, Russia - Leonid Konovalov knows what it’s like to be down and out on the streets.  The 63 year old ex-engineer from the city of Kemerovo, started collecting nearly 2,000 bottles a day for the past year since Russia’s economy took a dive.  A glass bottle can bring in around 2 Rubles ($0.06).  After much encouragment from his grandchildren, Konovalov took a gamble
on the stock market and his first transaction paid off to the tune of 50,000 Euro ($74,120 USD).

Strange but true

He’s gonna have one helluva time filing taxes

Jackson, Miss. - Daniel Seddiqui was a man on a mission. A mission to work one job in all 50 states, in 50 weeks. He completed his goal two weeks ago.  He also had a secondary goal. To go on one date each week, in a different state. He didn’t reach that goal though, striking out in Wyoming and West Virginia. I can assure you, that was probably for the best, Dan.

 
This frog is gonna have to wait a long time for a kiss

Bangkok, Thailand - WWF international reports that scientists have discovered 163 new species of various reptiles, amphibians, mammals, plants, fish and a bird. Included in the findings is a frog  found in Eastern Thailand that survives off birds and insects and uses fangs to protect itsself. Apparently, the amphibian world wanted to cash in on the recent vampire craze.

Strange but true

Oh no she didn’t!

Adrian, Michigan - A mother has been arrested and currently held on a $200,000 bond for admitting to dropping her 3 year-old daughter off on the side of a busy road. Fortunately, a truck driver spotted the child before something terrible happened and took the toddler to Lenawee County Sherrif department. Originally the mother claimed someone broke in and kidnapped the child and then later confessed to abandoning her daughter.

All in favor of 20 lashings with a sugar cane for the mom, say I.

But we already knew this

Ottawa, Canada - If the zombies do attack us, we’re screwed y’all! That was the conclusion of two university researchers who set up models hypothesizing zombie attacks as infectious diseases with well-known characteristics of zombie biology from pop fiction. According to a July BBC News report, zombies are more threatening than virulated diseases because they can regenerate (unless decapitated or incinerated). More troubling was the researchers’ assumption that zombies move slowly, as portrayed in older movies, but in more recent fiction, they’re super quick, making them nearly invincible. Unless, you’re Woody Harrelson or Simon Pegg, of course.

Is he joking?

Madison, Wisconsin - In August, Jorge Inglesias petitoned a judge in Madison, Wisconsin to regain custody of his 66 cocks and hens that police confiscated, suspecting Mr. Inglesias of holding cock fights. Inglesias cited that he believed the Dane County Humane Society of treating them with “cruel and barbaric” abuse.