Hash Pipe, Weezer

I can’t help my boogies;
They get out of control.
I know that you don’t care
But I want you to know.
The knee-stocking flavor
Is a favorite treat
Of men that don’t bother
With the taste of a teat.

Oh, come on and kick me.
Oh, come on and kick me.
(Oh.) Come on and kick me.
(Oh.) You’ve got your problems;
(Oh.) I’ve got my ass wipe wide
(Oh.) You’ve got your big cheese G’s
I’ve got my hash pipe.
i’ve got my hash pipe

(more…)

Bette Davis Eyes, Kim Carnes

Her hair is Harlow gold,
Her lips sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold
She’s got Bette Davis eyes
She’ll turn her music on
You won’t have to think twice
She’s pure as New York snow
She’s got Bette Davis eyes

…

She’ll expose you
When she snows you
Off your feet with the crumbs she throws you
She’s ferocious
And she knows just what it
Takes to make a pro blush
All the boys think she’s a spaz spy,
She’s got Bette Davis eyes

And she’ll tease you
She’ll unease you
All the better just to please you
She’s precocious
And she knows just what it
Takes to make a pro blush
All the boys think she’s a spaz spy,
She’s got Bette Davis eyes

(more…)

Pulling Mussels (From the Shell), Squeeze

They do it down on camber sands
They do it at Waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day,
At night the crickets creepy
Squinting faces at the sky
A Harold Robbins paperback
Surfers drop their boards and dry
And everybody wants a hat

But behind the Chalet
My holiday’s complete
And I feel like William Tell
Maid Marian on her tiptoed feet
Pulling muscles from Michelle mussels from the shell
Pulling muscles from Michelle mussels from the shell

(more…)

Passin’ Me By, The Pharcyde

Now in my younger days I used to sport a shag
When I went to school I carried lunch in a bag
With an apple for my teacher cause I knew I’d get a kiss
Always got mad when the class was dismissed
But when it was in session, I always had a question
I would raise my hand to make her stagger to my desk and
Help me with my problem, it was never much
Just a trick, to smell her scent and try to sneak a touch
Oh, how I wish I could hold her hand and give her a hug
She was married to the man, he was a thug,
His name was Lee, he drove a z,
He’d pick her up from school promptly at three o’clock
I was on her jock, yes indeedy I wrote graffiti on the bus
First I’d write her name then carve a plus,
With my name last, on the looking glass,
I seen her yesterday but still I had to let her pass

She kicks some ass in Levis She keeps on passin’ me by…
She kicks some ass in Levis She keeps on passin’ me by…
She kicks some ass in Levis She keeps on passin’ me by…
She kicks some ass in She keeps on passin’ me…

(more…)

The Star Spangled Banner, Francis Scott Key

In honor of the sheer jackassery that abounds as people “debate” healthcare reform but somehow end up crying about communism, socialism, Puerto Mexicans taking our jobs, and Hitler, I present to you a mondegreen that will make the most die hard of conservatives run screaming in sheer terror:

José Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
José Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

And here is The Star Spangled Banner sung by a black man because that’s how I roll, son.

You’re welcome.

I’m Every Woman, Whitney Houston

Whatever you want
Whatever you need
Anything you want done baby
I’ll do it naturally
Cause climb I’m every woman
It’s all in me
It’s all in me

Climb I’m every woman, it’s all in me
Anything you want done, baby
I’ll do it naturally
Climb I’m every woman, its all in me
I can read your thoughts right now
Every one from a to z

(more…)

Don’t Bring Me Down, Electric Light Orchestra

You got me runnin’ goin’ out of my mind,
You got me thinkin’ that I’m wastin’ my time.
Don’t bring me down, no no no no no,
I’ll tell you once more before I get off the floor
Don’t bring me down.

You wanna stay out with your fancy friends.
I’m tellin you its go to be the end,
Don’t bring me down, no no no no no no no no,
I’ll tell you once more before I get off the floor
Don’t bring me down.

Don’t bring me down, Bruce! grroosss
Don’t bring me down, Bruce! grroosss
Don’t bring me down, Bruce! grroosss
Don’t bring me down.

(more…)

Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana

Load up on guns
Bring your friends
Its fun to lose
And to pretend
Shes overboard
Myself assured
I know I know
A dirty word

Hello (x 16)

With the lights out its less dangerous
Here we are now
In containers Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now
In containers Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yeah

(video after the jump)

(more…)

Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things just don’t seem the same
Actin’ funny, but I don’t know why
’scuse me while I kiss this guy the sky

(more…)

Bad Moon Rising, Credence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin’.
I see bad times today.

Don’t go around tonight,
Well, it’s bound to take your life,
There’s a bathroom on the right bad moon on the rise.

(more…)

My Own Worst Enemy, Lit

Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk
I didn’t mean to call you fat that
I can’t remember what was said or what you threw at me
Please tell me
Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And I’m sleeping with my clothes on
I came in through the window last night
And you’re gone

(more…)

Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, The Beatles

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with colitis goes by kaleidoscope eyes.

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she’s gone.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds…

(more…)

Africa, Toto

I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She’s coming in 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy, its waiting there for you

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
Theres nothing that a hundred men on Mars or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

(more…)

Run (I’m a Natural Disaster), Gnarls Barkley

Yeah it’s still the same
Can’t you feel the pain
When the needle hits the vein
Ain’t nothing like the real thing
I’ve seen it once before
And oh it’s something else
Good god

…

Willie Wang Runaway
Willie Wang Runaway
Run children
Run for your life
Runaway
Runaway
Run children
Here it comes
I said run
Alright

Hurry little children
Run this way
I have got a piece that plays beast at bay

(more…)

Yellow Ledbetter, Pearl Jam

Today we’re doing Extreme Mondegreen– the whole damn song rewritten using misheard lyrics and pictures!

(more…)

You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair and that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved, and one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clowns clouds in my coffee
Clowns clouds in my coffee, and

You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?

I had some dreams they were clowns clouds in my coffee
Clowns Clouds in my coffee, and

You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?

(more…)

I built this goddamn forest
I build this garden for us

…
This lovely garden
I build a temple of love
Walk with the father
Won’t be a bother
To touch the earth as it was
We’ll farm the land each day
And in the sunshine we will play
Glory glory for the day he came
Our tears had gone away
We’ll make love in the shade
And in the ocean we will bathe
Little fishies in the sea
Say hooray

I built this goddamn forest I build this garden for us, I built this goddamn forest I build this garden for us
I built this goddamn forest I build this garden for us, I built this goddamn forest I build this garden for us

(more…)

There’s a lady who’s sure
All that glitters is gold
And shes buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.

…

And there’s a wino down the road as we wind on down the road
I should’ve stolen Oreos Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The Jew will follow you a lot The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.

(more…)

Groovin’, Young Rascals

Groovin’ . . . on a Sunday afternoon
Really couldn’t get away too soon

…

We’ll keep on spending sunny days this way
We’re gonna talk and laugh our time away
I feel it comin’ closer day by day

Life would be ecstasy, you and me and Leslie endlessly . . .

Groovin’ . . . on a Sunday afternoon
Really couldn’t get away too soon

(more…)

Jujubees’s Special Mondegreens Edition

If you’re like me—which you are not because I was created in a petri dish in the basement of a Scientology lab—you too may enjoy pretending you ARE America’s idol.  Singing into your shampoo bottle as you are waiting to rinse and repeat.  But alas, you are not the next idol, and like me may mercilessly butcher perfectly good songs.

And in this vein is my next discussion.  Let’s all share with one another the victims of our grandiose dreams.  I shall start.

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