Depends on what your definition of “is” is.

As you know, Lady Gaga recently met the Queen (God save her) who remained, as far as we know, unmolested.  What you may not know is that a butt-load of other performers, most with questionable outfits if not acts, also met said geriatric. According to the Daily Mail, which, uh-huh is too a reputable news source (OK, I choked on that), Cyrus had the most daring outfit of the evening.  Because she was mostly nekkid.  Now, maybe I am just jaded with respect to shorts, but let us compare:

Gaga did a latex Elizabethan number - taking the revered symbol of the Brit monarchy and beginning of Queen rule, bondaging it up and performing in her Queen-Loves-Latex outfit before the current Queen.  I’d say that is pretty daring.  Gaga also played on a piano inspired by Dali (elephant legs from the Temptation of Saint Anthony) on a seat suspended from the rafters.  Also pretty daring.

Miley Cyrus, on the other hand, wore leather hot pants, gesticulated at her crotch and had back-up dancers who looked dangerously thin, if not dangerously old.  She also met the Queen in an orange prom dress that left her tiny tatters on display.  That is daring, I guess?  As in daring the Queen to backhand your sassy mouth, young lady, so go wash that paint off of your face!

Arguably, Cyrus was more “daring” in teh secksie sense, but TMIMO Gaga had “daring” in the bag in the thought-provoking sense.  The English language, isn’t it fun!

Anyhow, pictures of the non-Gagas after the jump.

Alexandra Burke: X Factor winner.  Apparently, she lost weight or some shit, and is baring her midriff.  I find it amusing that US football is probably exotic over there.  It is sort of like Madonna dancing around in cricket gear.  The back-up dancers all have camel toes.  ALLEGEDLY!

Lulu (some old Brit), Anastacia (the lady with that bluesy yet phlegmy sounding voice. I think.) and Chaka, Chaka Chan.  Fucking Daily Mail spelled Chaka Khan’s name wrong.  WTF?  I am starting to notice a pattern about this show, however.  All the back-up dancers are whack.  I wonder if when performing for the Queen there is an imperative to use minor royalty in the performance?  Anyhow, this whole picture is a mess.

Diversity: Britain’s Got Talent winners.  I didn’t watch Britain’s Got Talent.  But with my amazing inductive reasoning skills I can jump to the conclusion that Diversity puts on some sort of homo-erotic flipping show.  I can also theorize that their performance was at the request of Prince Philip.  They may or may not be Canadian mounties and/or firefighters in formal dress.

Bette Midler: The Divine Miss M.  Praise Busey there was someone representing good old fashioned talent AND performance skills.  Sheer perfection and I wasn’t even there.  Love, love, love, love, love. LOVE. HER.

Katherine Jenkins: classical singer who makes up for a boring song genre with boobular outfits.  I saw her on Graham Norton once.  She seems like a nice lady and has a nice voice, but I don’t really know much about that style of music (basically Opera lite) so consider that opinion uninformed.  Also, the back-up dancers must have really sucked here, as they were cut out of the photo.  Excepting that spastic hand, of course.

Michael Buble:  Canadian standards singer.  All I can think of when I see him is “Emily Blunt is one lucky lady.”  A little Buble and now that cutie John Krasinski?  Not bad, not bad at all.  Anyhow, I am sure the Buble was a welcomed respite from some over-produced numbers of the evening.  I find him charming.

Mika: the singer who wanted to be like Grace Kelly and THEN had the balls to ask why you didn’t like him.  I think he has given singing up for a career as the loudest mime ever.  He also may have have skin cancer on his cheek.

Tags: Alexandra Burke, Anastacia, Bette Midler, Chaka Khan, Diveristy, Katherine Jenkins, Lady Gaga, Lulu, Michael Buble, Mika, Mylie Cyrus, The Queen

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 8th, 2009 at 11:58 AM and is filed under Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Found on the Internet, Politiks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.