You may love them or hate them, but you always watch them.

It’s not just the time of year when the nog flows freely - it’s also the time of year when your most favorite and most hated movies appear.  Lets discuss them, shall we?

A Christmas Story

It’s the movie that gave us the kick ass phrase, “You’ll shoot your eye out,” as well as introducing us to foreign phrases like, “Fraaaaa-geeeeee-lay.”  I’m ever on the look out for a sexy leg lamp but it still eludes me;  I want my very own major award.  And who can forget the very special rendition of, We wish you a Merry Christmas? Fa ra ra ra ra, squeeple.

I still can’t turn that movie off, no matter how much I try.  It sweeps you back to being a child and all the bad presents you’ve ever gotten.  My grandmother always bought us underwear and why the hell do people buy socks as gifts?  And I don’t know about your father, but mine also worked in profanity the way other artists worked in oil or clay and that’s what makes this movie great.  There are so many charcters that are not unlike the people in your own life.  Everyone can somehow relate.  Love it.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Not the most heart warming or traditional of movies but still a fun flick.  You still find yourself able to relate to all the things you hate about the holidays.  Mostly annoying family members that just don’t take the hint it’s time to go to your own damn house.

The house lights always kill me and my father was always plugging 100 lights into 2 frigging sockets.  It’s amazing our house never burned down, but what was more amazing is that he could always find a way to work in one more plug.  I look forward do the arrival of this movie every year.  Bring it on, TV.

It’s a Wonderful Life

I have to confess and I’m sure I’ll get hate mail but I do not love this movie.  There, I said it, I hate this movie.  But it must be included, not even I can deny the power of It’s A Wonderful Life.  It’s been reinterpretted many times over and fools be loving it.

I kid, I do see it’s charm but whenver this movie and The Ten Commandments come on my eyes just instinctively roll.  I’m a bitter, bitter, bitch y’all.  Probably because I’m still smarting I never got that damn Barbie corvette.  DAMN YOU, SANTA.

A Christmas Carol

A tale as old as ummmmm, 1951.  Grumpy old douche is visited by some dead people and they show him the sad ugly wretch he has become and tell him he’s going to die all alone. Old douche wakes up less grumpy and then dinner on him. Fa ra ra ra ra.

Speaking of bitter bitches, this movie made especially for bitter bitches.  Hollywood really wants to warm your cockles and they probably want to oil them as well.  Another movie that has been reinvented over and over.  It’s a movie I don’t mind so much, but I also have another confession.  That Tiny Tim kid annoys the hell out of me.  Don’t judge me, I never got a Barbie corvette.  I have issues.

Scrooged

My most favorite remake of A Christmas Carol. One reason was that I had a really good hook up while watching it.  Or at least half of it.  Let me have a moment to replay that.  More like 10 minutes but we were young.

This movie also rocks due to it’s, Murryness.  I still love him and nobody plays douche quite like he does.  And for it’s time the special effects were pretty awesome and I love the dark twist on it.  Bitch, hit me with a toaster. 

Elf

Sad oversized elf finds out he’s actually a human and his dad’s a jerk off.  But in the end his dad loves him and he saves Christmas.  Plus, he gets a Barbie corvette.  That last parts a lie. But if you don’t like this movie then you are a cotton headed ninny muggins.

This movie shall soon be a Christmas must see.  It’s sweet, charming, and funny.  And also probably one of the rare movies we don’t see Will Ferrel naked, which is good since he doesn’t have a sexy body.  But it’s also sad because he kills me in the face with laughter when he’s naked.  Must see to be.

Die Hard

Don’t you snicker at me mutha sucka, this is a Christmas movie.  Nothing screams, “Christmas!!!!!!!!!!” quite like shooting shit up and taking down some bank robbers.  He completely kicked ass in this movie and it had the catch phrase of the year.  Take that, Ahhhhnold.

John McClane basically kills a lot of people and saves a lot of people all with no shoes or shirt on.  Let’s see you do that during the most wonderful time of the year.  I bet you can’t. Yippie ki yay.

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reigndeer

This was one trippy ass movie in a long line of trippy ass movies.  There’s also Frosty and The Year Without Santa.  I’m still not sure my mind has recovered from those but I’m pretty sure I was brainwashed while watching them.  But still good family fun.

Gremlins

Gizmo was a cute little bastard.  He was a present but you should know a few things:

1. Sunlight kills his ass
2. No water or he’ll produce more of whatever he is
3. Don’t feed their furry asses after midnight.  Craziness will ensue all over your town

Billy does all 3 and it makes a really fun Christmas movie I still watch with my 4 kids.  And a very important lesson is learned by all. Eating after midnight is just wrong.

Love, Actually

Everyone falls in love in this movie and I really love all the films these dudes make.  I just collectively call them, dudes, since I’m too lazy to look that shit up.

Actually, I love this movie.  Even an old hag like me smiles while watching this.  My husband leaves the room but that’s just a bonus.  Haaaaaaaa, I kid, he’s probably going to give me the stink eye if he reads that.  But maybe that’s just a test to see if he’s even reading?  We’ll see when he gets home if greets me with a kiss or blank stare.  Actually, actually.

Miracle on 34th Street

Natalie Wood was just adorable but what kind of crazy shit is this?  Putting Santa Claus, on trial? Everyone thinks this old guy is crazy but maybe he really is Santa Claus?  I believe, I believe!  It’s my favorite verson on this movie.

There are many more movies I’d love to share but now I’d like to hear about your favorites.  And also it’s beer time so I need to get to work.  Enjoy!

Tags: Actually, Christmas Movies, Die Hard, Gremlins, It's A Wonderful Life, Love, Miracle on 34th Street, Rudolf, Scrooged

This entry was posted on Friday, December 4th, 2009 at 3:00 PM and is filed under Movie Marquis, Wistful Lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.