Thundersquee! » Blog Archive » Oh, Japan, We Love Your Exotic, Kooky, Assy Fashions!

Posted by Sarah on November 17th, 2009

And Maybe YOU’LL Love OUR Exotic, Kooky, Assy Condiment?

*not really this models ass - its airbrushed on, for edginess! Clever, right?

LOOK AT THAT ASS*! It's just RIGHT OUT THERE, for everyone to be shocked and amused by! *note: not really this model's ass.

It’s so hard to find the new, cool thing. This is a difficult time in marketing for the whole world. The global economy is in a terrible state, but everyone wants to see something edgy and new. Well, no one can afford to come up with a whole new thing. So. We try to turn something old and overlooked and dusty into something new again! America’s got crazy, scene-lovin’ hipster kids peddling Miracle Whip as a “lifestyle choice,” and Japan’s decided to promote their asses (or someone’s asses, anyway, screenprinted onto the backs of their skirts in ways that look like would be REALLY uncomfortable if they were real). Japanese booties and Miracle Whip have been overlooked for years!

Tone it down?! What?!! Not THIS *wildwomans Miracle Whip! *model is not an actual wildwoman.

Tone it down?! What?!? Not THIS free spirit's* Miracle Whip! *note: model is not an actual free spirit .

Give it some thought. When you think of the American flag, do you think of Miracle Whip? No. Because nobody likes Miracle Whip. But THAT’S ALL GOING TO CHANGE, now that a bunch of 19-year-olds are making duckfaces while shoving a jar of it in your face! And when you think of Japan, do you think of asses? No. The Japanese have many, many beautiful features, as a people - but asses aren’t typically the feature you think of first. WELL GUESS WHAT? That’s all gonna change! Because a bunch of 19-year-olds making duckfaces are shoving them in your face! They’re as stylish as Winkers (maybe more so!), and it’s okay that they’re not real, because neither is Miracle Whip.

So everyone wins! Sort of! This economy is going to change, y’all, with the help of Miracle Whip and weird pretend-assless skirts! MARK MY WORDS!

Tags: Amerka!, Assless Skirts That Aren't Really Assless, commercials, fashion, Japan, Japanese culture, Miracle Whip, Sarah

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 at 9:07 AM and is filed under Culture Critic, Fashion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

13 Responses to “Oh, Japan, We Love Your Exotic, Kooky, Assy Fashions!”

November 17th, 2009 at 9:47 AM
Jujubees says:

Nooooooo, don’t mock my Miracle Whip. I love the new one with olive oil. But these commercials want to make me punch someone in their ass t-shirts.I suppose I can handle it until they start with the finger guns. Finger guns send me over the edge. But nothing will stop making me love the MW.

A sandwich just isn’t a sandwich without it. And it tastes sooooo good on Jon Hamm’s, John Hamm. I just love things everyone else hates. Eg, Bud Lime, I love it, the rest of humanity hates it. Don’t judge me. I’m going to plow now.
November 17th, 2009 at 10:15 AM
TheHobo says:

So the ass they picked was one with panties sort of riding up? I guess that’s part of the joke?

Japan scares me.

And so does miracle whip. I’m sorry, it just does. Where is the miracle, where?
November 17th, 2009 at 10:49 AM
Jujubees says:

The miracle is in your mouth. I clearly hear the angels sing when I eat egg salad sammiches. Oh, I’m suuuure everybody hates egg salad too? Sure, your house smells like farts but that’s a small price for fancy crustless sandwiches.

Oh, and I like to cut the crust off and make 4 perfect square parts. That’s how classy pee pull eat them y’all.
November 17th, 2009 at 11:36 AM
Deimos says:

I love Miracle Whip also Juju, you are not alone.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:21 PM
payter says:

A sandwich isn’t a sandwich without Miracle Whip. That is the miracle.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:39 PM
Jujubees says:

I just got a little tear of joy. It goes with nearly everything and is extra miralicious with some ranch mix.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:50 PM
Jujubees says:

And just so you all know, everytime I see this picture I have to check and see if I have a wedgie.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:57 PM
TheHobo says:

Now, I can get behind egg salad sandwiches. Crusts or no crusts, I’m not picky.

Mmmm…now I want eggs.
November 17th, 2009 at 1:23 PM
Lisa(#1) says:

I like my sandwiches without a “tangy zip,” because, frankly, that sounds suspicious.
November 17th, 2009 at 1:24 PM
blah says:

I like MW with peanut butter on crackers. Don’t judge haters, don’t judge.

I only use mayonnaise on sammiches - MW is just weird with tunafish.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:17 PM
Jujubees says:

I like the sound any kind of mayo based salad makes. Scchhllllloooop. Dirty and disgustin.
November 17th, 2009 at 9:06 PM
lava says:

i also love miracle whip. and i’m a brown person. so that makes my liking of it just that much more special.
November 17th, 2009 at 9:17 PM
Dr. Gunslider says:

I hate miracle whip. It’s Mayo’s retarded little brother. Mayo isn’t all that great either. (in my best slingblade)
“I like mustard on my sammiches, mmmmmhhhhmmmmmm”