Axe Body Spray Is A Big, Fat Liar
Also, It Makes You Smell Really, Really Bad.
Vaibhav Bedi has been using Axe Body Spray for seven years, thinking “any minute now, throngs of models in the throes of spontaneous orgasm brought on by my scent are going to launch themselves at me and offer me some boob. And maybe one of them will want a relationship with me, even!” Well, Vaibhav Bedi thought wrong.
Why is Vaibhav Bedi angry about this?
The company cheated me. It says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me.
Not only was he never once accosted by hordes of beautiful young women, but he wasn’t even offered any casual boob from random passers-by or homeless people. None. Not even one “Jesus, alright, whatever, just leave me alone if I do it this one time” boob. IN SEVEN YEARS.
The Axe ads promised him that if he bought their douchey-smelling elixirs of douchetasticness and then applied said douchetastic elixirs onto his body, at least one girl would be so overcome by his scent that she’d have no choice but submit to him. And since ads apparently never lie in India, Vaibhav is suing Unilever (makers of said douchetastic body spray) for $40,000. Because in the seven years that he’s been dousing his body in the putrid funk that is Axe Body Spray, not one girl has thrown herself at him whilst ripping her pants off, or otherwise.
Unilever has declined to comment. Because smelling really, really bad speaks louder than words.
Tags: angry vagina, Axe Body Spray, douche, Men Who Wish A Body Spray Could Make Women Their Slaves, Ridiculous Ads, Ridiculous Lawsuits, Sarah, Things That Smell Like Douches, Unilever, Vaibhav Bedi
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 at 9:00 AM and is filed under Culture Critic, FAIL!, Sarah's Vagina Wants to Throw Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:31 AM
chellelee79 says:I guess I need new tastes, because I do kinda like it when my husband uses Axe. Not as much as the Old Spice soaps, but I don’t mind him throwing Axe in there once in a while.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:32 AM
chellelee79 says:Maybe I read that wrong- lol. Is the spray the douche, or if you use the soap too, then you’re a douche?
November 10th, 2009 at 10:01 AM
TheHobo says:Use of product for its own sake (such as, you actually like the smell): a-okay. Use of a product because you actually think it will make throngs of women attack you like a mannequin: total douche.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:13 AM
oilybohunk7 says:Silly, silly man. Everyone knows that it is Drakkar Noir that makes the panties drop.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:09 AM
payter says:chellelee - my hubby uses the soap too, and I don’t mind it…actually kind of like it. Shhhhh.
OBH too funny!! I am pretty sure Polo is also a panty dropper scent if I remember correctly.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:22 AM
oilybohunk7 says:Definitely a panty dropper!
November 10th, 2009 at 11:23 AM
Dr. Gunslider says:I’ve gotten positive feedback from wearing my Aqua D’ Gio by Armani. As far as using overpriced and over scented bath products,I think Axe is for high school kids. I use Gillete soap and 2-1 shampoo-conditioner and deodorant. I got a buy 2 get one free deal and ended up getting the hair paste thingy and I have to admit it worked pretty good. I figured since they make good shaving stuff, I’d try their hair and body stuff for guys. I must admit, it’s decently priced, it works well, and doesn’t smell like like I’m trying to get lucky at the prom.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:37 AM
payter says:….I just looked. My hubby uses the Gillete ones too Dr.
I think he just basically buys whatever is on sale and smells manly. (Uh, uh, uh - or some other manly sound).
I bought him Pleasures for men about 5 years ago and the bottle is still full. He doesn’t wear cologne very often at all. But then again he was told by some woman back in his dating years that he doesn’t even stink when he sweats. So I don’t think he feels he has to change his scent.
That woman was an idiot OR just looking to get laid. Maybe both. I wash his laundry. His sweat is stinky.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:39 AM
potato-sensei says:He shoulda tried Old Spice or Irish Spring. Though I imagine he’d be pissed because he used Irish Spring and didn’t attract any leprechauns.
Anyway, I thought Axe was for dooshy high school guys who refuse to shower? You know, you buy the spray and carry it in your back pack, spray it on your clothes and body whenever you see a chick, and then wonder why she makes that face as she walks by not talking to you.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:11 PM
oilybohunk7 says:My dad has always worn Stetson. It sounds super cheesy but since my dad is made out of awesome it isn’t. Now my 6 year old nephew is following in the tradition, he puts on a splash “for the ladies” when he catches the bus at my parents house. It seems to be working because he has two little ladies vying for his attention.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:58 PM
TheHobo says:My ex wears Right Guard deodorant and is an Irish Spring soap dude, and I always liked the way he smelled. But he also showers daily, which I think makes the difference.
Dear High School boys and other people who think cologne covers up bad smells: try showering, soap of your choice. It really does make all the difference.
kthnxbai
November 10th, 2009 at 3:40 PM
ramy says:two and a half words:
febreeze walk-through…
November 10th, 2009 at 5:03 PM
potato-sensei says:I love a man who showers daily.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:09 PM
Sarah says:One of those is a half word! I’ll figure out which one eventually.
When I met my husband, he wore Aqua di Gio and I’m pretty sure that’s how he got me to stick around long enough to fall in love with him. It was also nice that he only used enough to smell good rather than trying to bomb the entire hemisphere with it.
Soap and water is pretty great, too. Any kind of soap. Or any kind of water, for that matter. Well, most kinds of water. Which reminds me that I’m really, really glad people have stopped calling ‘eau de toilette’ toilet water. I don’t care if that’s the direct translation, it’s just gross. As is bathing in water from the toilet.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:57 PM
lava says:i tell my husband soap makes the heart grow fonder.
but seriously he uses that axe snake peel body wash and it smells damn good!
November 11th, 2009 at 8:34 AM
Dr. Gunslider says:payter, sounds like your husband and I have the same agenda when it comes to toiletries. I don’t think I’ve ever spent more than 5 minutes in the health and beauty section of stores.
Sarah, Aqua D’Gio is some seriously good stuff. Not good in the “I’ll get overcome by a horde of women throwing themselves at me” kind of way. Good in the way it doesn’t have the effect that the panther cologne had in Anchorman. It’s a clean smell that isn’t sweet or musky.
Which reminds me, what the hell is up with those “musk” scented colognes? When I wear cologne, I don’t want that smell to remind me of armpits. Is it supposed to be manly or something? If I want to smell like cheap cologne and armpit, I’d wear Brut.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:27 PM
potato-sensei says:You know I’m wondering if he saw the commercial where the guy uses axe and turns into chocolate, and women procede to eat him and tear his limbs off.
Is he also suing axe for not turning him into a chocolate man?
January 28th, 2010 at 7:34 AM
Lea says:ummmmmm my husband has a deodorant that actually does kinda get me hot. It smells so good, it’s amazing! I purposefully sniff him near his armpits on occasion. Just had to confess that.
thank you.
Had this guy ever thought to work on anything other than his scent? maybe he smelled, um, good?, but was a huge pile of nasty otherwise-like, all greasy or mean? I feel bad for him really. maybe his lack of critical thinking skills hurt him.
January 28th, 2010 at 1:20 PM
Rev. Random says:The only way I discovered Axe Body Spray is when my eyes started watering and I broke out in a coughing fit after my nephew (13) walked by. He continues to use it and I continue to “remind” him that any scent I can smell from 10 feet away is just too much…trying to avoid the argument about quality (which I will lose because I am obviously not cool enough to comment).
Sigh. Just trying to do my part folks.