Andre Agassi Admits to Using Crystal Meth
Laments Hair Loss 
Andre Agassi, formerly long-haired tennis hottie has a new book coming out, and his book deals with his use of crystal meth and his tragic hair loss. One can’t help but wonder whether the two are related.
According to People,
Agassi’s book, Open, details his descent into drug use, as well as his hair loss, his troubled marriage to Brooke Shields and the love he eventually found with his current wife, Steffi Graf.
Cripes, squeeple. Andre Agassi? Crystal Meth? Really? I was pretty damn shocked to find out that the fruit of Michael Douglas’s loins is a meth head, but now Andre Agassi?
I also am now curious how much of his book deals with hair loss. I guess his hair loss was a watershed moment for him. He won Wimbledon in 1992, lost his hair somewhere between 1993 and 1997, and then decided to drown his Wimblesorrows in a pool of speed. …the hell? Why? Who knows. Maybe all his tennis mojo was in his hair.
You look better bald. David Lee Roth hair is a crime.
This raises a question for me.
What’s the deal with men and their fear of baldness? Why are you men so afraid of losing your hair? And when you do start to lose your hair, why do you feel the need to make yourselves looks like jackasses by combing it over and swirling it around to cover the bald spot? Toupees, spray on hair, hair plugs… why, why, WHY!?
JUST SHAVE YOUR DAMN HEAD! MIRITE, LADIES?
I’m looking at you, Jude Law.
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Tags: Andre Agassi, bald ass people, dang yeaux, just shave your damn head already, methamphetamines, stopthemadness
This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 at 7:00 AM and is filed under Celebrity Shenanigans. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
October 28th, 2009 at 7:09 AM
Jujubees says:I concurr, STM. That hair is straight out of Facts Of Life. A combo between Joe and Blair. Your hair made the angels angry and they stuck you bald, sir. But you are much better off and are now teh sexy.
October 28th, 2009 at 7:10 AM
Jujubees says:Oh yeah, the hair hyptnotized me and I skimmed that whole meth thing. Sucka, say whaaaaaaaaaaat?
October 28th, 2009 at 7:11 AM
PizzaGirl says:I think we need to sit him down and have a talking to about that earring as well.
October 28th, 2009 at 9:26 AM
SeaKat says:Yes, bald men will always trump comb-overs, plugs, and pathetic oasises of hair. Always. A posh British accent doesn’t hurt, either. Yeah, you got it, Jean-Luc Picard.
October 28th, 2009 at 1:42 PM
NFL Guy says:I dunno, I think I look better with hair than sans hair, even though I’m getting thinner up there. I think some guys can rock the bald spot/balding look pretty well.
Though plugs, spray-ons, toupees and comb-overs definitely do look ridiculous, I’ll grant you that.
October 28th, 2009 at 1:45 PM
Cait says:I think you look hawt with or without hair.
October 28th, 2009 at 1:53 PM
Mae says:Tom’s going bald. He refuses to accept it. It’s pretty sad actually. He spends 40 dollars a bottle on shampoo and conditioner that he swear regrows hair, even though our friend Skip who uses the same shampoo has told him “It doesn’t grow new hair. It just makes what you have thicker.” The other day he texted me a link to some “Scalp Med” stuff that he wants for Christmas and I told him “No! You need to accept your genetic make up! You cannot change that! Your genes say you’re going to and are balding!” Any way, I always thought Andre looked better bald. Also, I was listening to sports talk the other day and they were talking about athlete’s books and how unless there is something profound and really interesting in the book, it won’t be published, because no one will care. I tend to wonder how much truth is in athlete’s books. Or autobiographies in general.
October 28th, 2009 at 1:55 PM
Mae says:Oh, Andre looks like Colin Farrell too.
October 28th, 2009 at 1:56 PM
Sar says:Bald is just as attractive as a head full of hair. Receding hairlines can be hot too. The only thing that isn’t hot is pretending your hair looks one way when it really looks another. Is there an equivalent for women? Where we’re practically obsessed with something that we think makes us look permanently bad, and the men in our lives think we look gorgeous either way?
October 28th, 2009 at 2:53 PM
Cristal Methodd says:This just in:
President Bale admits to doing Cristal Methodd.
(hey, it could happen….)
October 28th, 2009 at 6:26 PM
rumoUr says:Both my brothers lost their hair in their twenties. Supposedly baldness is determined by the genes from your mom’s side, which in my family’s case is true. My mom’s dad and uncle were total cue balls.
Anyways, both my brothers shave their heads and they look good.
Whenever I think of bad comb overs, I think of Donald Trump. I just wish The Donald would stop sporting that weird ass defies gravity helmet hair. It scares me. I keep thinking it’s going to come alive, jump off his head and attack.
BTW my oldest brother has been mistaken for Andre and was asked for his autograph.
October 28th, 2009 at 8:21 PM
Sar says:Your brother sounds hot.
October 28th, 2009 at 8:28 PM
ramy says:do you think the people close to him had to debate whether to have the intervention for his drug use or his hair cut?
“well, look, the crystal meth, it’s not good, but that hair… do we really want to waste our intervention on the drug thing? it’s too cliche, besides, we might be able to include the earring with the hair as a package intervention…”
November 1st, 2009 at 6:44 PM
Greg Delaney says:interesting possibility — maybe it’s the drug use that caused Agassi’s hair to fall out
November 1st, 2009 at 7:53 PM
Rev. Random says:I thought meth made your teeth fall out, now it’s hair too?
Jeesh! Can’t a meth addict catch a break?
November 1st, 2009 at 8:19 PM
Chelsea - PETA Protector says:Is there a reason so many bald dudes rock the facial hair? I don’t like facial hair. Just because it doesn’t grow up top doesn’t mean you need to grow it lower fella.
Also, if Agassi is one of the Faces of Meth…well, I don’t think he’ll be successful in the anti-drug campaign.
November 1st, 2009 at 8:29 PM
Sar says:Good call Chelsea. He’s not giving off a “Warning: This could be you” vibe.
November 1st, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Sarah says:Sar - to respond to your question from several days ago that nobody answered, I’m going to say the closest thing we have to that is whatever issues women have with “those last five-ten-or-fifteen pounds.” I ain’t never known a man who doesn’t love EXACTLY those last 5, 10 or 15 pounds that wimminz are always trying to get rid of.
November 1st, 2009 at 10:42 PM
Sar says:Thanks!! I was actually still wondering!