“No One Wants To See Curvy Women.” - Karl Lagerfeld
“HE WAS WARNED.” - Sarah’s Vagina
Karl Lagerfeld, I don’t think you understand. My vagina has a mind of her own. She cannot be controlled. You see, the warning you were given a couple of months ago was a mercy that few are lucky enough to get. My vagina doesn’t give a fuck about fashion (oh, if I had a Chanel dress for every time we’ve argued bitterly about it… well, I’d be selling them on eBay and eating a WHOLE lot better, for one) but since I do, my vagina was willing to compromise. ONCE.
My vagina heard what you recently said about the popular German women’s magazine Brigitte’s recent decision to stop using professional models in their fashion editorials, opting instead to use “real” women to reconnect with their readers:
Lagerfeld, who has subjected himself to a rigorous slimming schedule, described the magazine’s decision as absurd and said it had fallen victim to overweight women. The 71-year-old designer added: “Nobody wants to see a round woman.”
“You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”
“No one wants to see curvy women,” he was quoted as saying on the website of news magazine Focus.
I’ll tell you, Karl, things aren’t looking good for you right now. I may be sitting here writing this post, but my vagina is on the phone booking a flight to Europe. And she is a fierce, stealthy huntress, Karl! - with lots of scary tricks up her… well, you know. Vagina.
It’s out of my hands now. If I were you, I would do two things.
1) Decide which of your paper fans and high-collared shirts you love the most, and pack them away. If they are on your person when my vagina finds you, they will get messed up.
2) FUCKING RUN.
views: 1746
Tags: "Brigitte" Magazine, angry vagina, fashion, Karl Lagerfeld, RUN!, Sarah
This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 6:00 AM and is filed under Fashion, Sarah's Vagina Wants to Throw Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:45 AM
HolyChow says:You know, I would rather see a round woman than his crypt keeper dandy ass any day.
October 13th, 2009 at 8:08 AM
chelsea says:to be described as round is
October 13th, 2009 at 8:11 AM
vodkafanta says:is round as described be to
October 13th, 2009 at 8:17 AM
baby fish mouth says:that is the question
October 13th, 2009 at 9:11 AM
Run-DMS says:Have I got this right? You expect Karl Lagerfeld to relate to what your vagina thinks? I think that’s totally foreign to him. The vagina, that is.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:16 AM
Busey's Acolyte says:Chelsea, my love, I’m not remotely overweight, though people like Lagerfeld who seem to think that a size 4 is obese makes me depressed when I look in the mirror.
But my body IS curvy, no matter the fact that I’m relatively thin. My bone structure is such that I have slim shoulders, wrists and ankles, and very lush hips. I can’t make my bones jut in any further, I’m afraid, so I have a smallish waist and wider hips - it’s how God designed me, I’m afraid.
And despite the fact that people like you and Karl Lagerfeld feel that hips and boobs are a sign of the apocalypse, diet and exercise can’t change the shape of my curvy frame. I hate that indictments like yours are designed to make me question my body - but I know I eat well, am in relatively good shape, and that my husband stares at me in open lust if I’m naked.
So hey, I may be “round,” but I’m a size 4 with a flat tummy and big hips, and fuck, that might just make me sexy. I know of at least one person who wants to see a curvy woman. ;)
October 13th, 2009 at 9:21 AM
chelsea says:Hey Busey’s you know what I would HIT IT
October 13th, 2009 at 9:35 AM
Dr. Gunslider says:I second that Holy Chow!
Busey’s Acolyte, you sound hot! slim waist and big hips that sounds like you’ve got it going on. Your husband is a lucky man.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:43 AM
Busey's Acolyte says:It gives him something to hold on to, ifyouknowwhatImean. ;)
October 13th, 2009 at 10:26 AM
TheHobo says:hahahahahahaha!!!
chelsea you crack me up!
Busey, hips and boobs ARE a sign of the apocalypse. We’re not supposed to actually think (gasp!) women are, you know…attractive. It’s not like hips and breasts have ever been worshiped or anything, or that cultures have revered the female form in the past…
There is a line: “cats were once worshiped as gods. They have not forgotten this.” My breasts and hips haven’t forgotten their own previous worship days either, and insist on proudly existing…
October 13th, 2009 at 10:43 AM
Mitsy Buttons says:brilliant.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:41 AM
SeaKat says:**gasp**
You got a PAJIBA shout-out!! The interwebs world is your vagina’s oyster!! Ahhhh!!!
::passes out from excitement::
October 13th, 2009 at 12:52 PM
Dr. Gunslider says:lol, I’m a big fan of the big hips and as sir mix-a-lot likes to call it,a “healthy” butt. gives something to hold on to and something to bounce off. To this day, there is no woman sexier in my eyes than Shakira she is to me what Bale is to you ladies. (my brain just melted from her hottness again.)
October 13th, 2009 at 1:37 PM
baby fish mouth says:threadjack warning… beep bop boop boop:
dr. g, i lived in london for a stint in 99 (oh my god i’m old) and my friend had gone to see her in spain, where she was huge - and really a hard-core musician, from what he said. sure enough a few years later they brought her over here, dyed her hair, and took away her credibility by giving her crappy music. seriously, what is this she-wolf nonsense? anyway… i had mad appreciation for her, even if i can’t stand her singing voice.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:47 PM
Dr. Gunslider says:I know she used to be an alt/indie chick and made great music. her hair was black and her lyrics were brilliant. she has been steadily declining. She needs to get back to her roots. I still think she’s hott for a sell-out, but I can’t judge her for that.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:56 PM
Cait says:My friend Jorge gave me this album for my 21st birthday:
http://www.amazon.com/D%C3%B3nde-Est%C3%A1n-los-Ladrones-Shakira/dp/B0009K8L52/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1255467344&sr=1-7
And it’s fabulous. “Ciega, Sordomuda” and “Inevitable” are brilliant tracks.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:11 PM
stopthemadness says:the thundersquee! overlords are very excited about the pajiba shout out.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:16 PM
Cait says:Also, we like being overlords. Good times, good times.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:32 PM
Dr. Gunslider says:Pardon my ignorance but what is Pajiba?
October 13th, 2009 at 8:50 PM
SeaKat says:It’s a HUUUUUUUGELY popular movie review site that also has TV reviews, music reviews and some celeb. gossip. It’s similar in aesthetic/tone to TWOP (television w/o pity) if you ever visited that site.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:06 PM
baby fish mouth says:It’s really smart stuff. They used to get linked from Mollygood. STM has been saying for decades - nay, centuries - that their commenters remind her of commenters at Mollygood.
It’s ok I said Mollygood, I just can’t say it one more time on this comment, especially not looking in a mirror.
Oh wait that was 3 times. Hey… why does my head look like a bowtie all of a sudden, and where did this tray of spaghetti come from?
October 13th, 2009 at 9:12 PM
SeaKat says:Did you just get turned into Spaghetti Cat??
October 13th, 2009 at 9:21 PM
Sarah says:babyfishmouth has just turned into BowTieHead.
SHE KNOWS WHY.
Also, Holy shit! I just found out about this, like, twenty minutes ago! I’m dumbstruck! (I’m “dumbstruck” fairly often, but this time it’s crazy-special! HOLY SHIT! PAJIBA!!!)
October 13th, 2009 at 9:26 PM
SeaKat says:This is kind of huge.
How many clicks you at by now? 8 zillion??
(Yes, I briefly forgot there’s a counter. Almost a thousand. Damn, girl. Your vagina is GOING PLACES!)