An Open Letter to the Philadelphia Eagles
Today I am Angry Pink Lady, and shit’s on!
Dear Jefferey Lurie, Joe Banner, Tom Heckert and Andy Reid,
First, I would like to cordially invite you all to eat an entire king sized bag of dicks–each–think theater popcorn extra-large. Just strap it on like a feedbag, and go about your day. Second of all, I would like to say, YOU SIGNED MICHAEL VICK? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMNED MINDS? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?
There now, I feel a little bit better, but not much, and don’t think just because I can now type rationally that I’ll be taking back that dick eating request any time soon. I won’t. Now, on to more serious business.
Vick is a felon who bankrolled and possibly committed with his own hands, but certainly caused and perpetuated, incredible acts of cruelty, torture and killing. Fifty dogs were found alive on Vick’s estate, FIFTY! These dogs were in such bad psychological condition that neither the HSUS nor PETA held out any real hope for their rehabilitation. Even worse, numerous dog corpses were retrieved from graves found at various locations–dogs who had been hanged, beaten and/or mutilated to death.
Should this situation be treated any differently than if he had done this to humans? I don’t think so. Lack of empathy is lack of empathy. That he’s capable of doing that to dogs is a strong indicator that he is capable of far worse, and yet you’ve chosen him to lead your team? Fuck that noise. I’m not buying his bullshit excuses and neither should you. He can play the cultural conditioning card all he wants, and whine things like, “I was raised this way so I don’t see dogs the same way as the rest of society,” but you know what? All he had to do was look around. A cursory glance at the rest of our society, and the fact that what he was doing was illegal could have easily clued him in to the unacceptable nature of his acts.
And before you go saying he’s apologized, let me say this. Lip service is lip service and actions are actions. I can say anything I want. Saying something doesn’t make it true. Look, “The Jonas Brothers are my new favorite band.” See? That shit was a lie. I loathe the Jonas Brothers and all they represent. Besides, if I were a bankrupt felon who had lost a $23 million contract by committing disgusting, inhumane acts, I’d be apologizing all over the place. I could probably even work up a tear or two thinking about the house I lost.
That being said, right now, I’m not willing to believe Vick is sorry for anything other than getting caught and finding out there are consequences to his actions. When Vick has proven that he’s changed his ways, maybe, but he hasn’t had time to prove it. He just walked out of prison.
Giving him a two-year contract is, at best, brushing aside his heinous crimes for the sake of a little bit of press for your team, and at worst, tacit approval of his acts. Do you–no, do WE as a culture really value football over the sanctity of life?
From here on out, the Philadelphia Eagles will no longer be my favorite team. See, I told you that saying things didn’t make them true. The Eagles have never been my favorite team, but they stand no chance of it now, because you, sirs, are on my shit list.
Sincerely,
Lily the Pink
views: 378
Tags: Andy Reid, animal cruelty, animals, football, Lily the Pink, Michael Vick, NFL, Philadelphia Eagles, Sports
This entry was posted on Friday, August 14th, 2009 at 10:30 AM and is filed under Culture Critic. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
August 14th, 2009 at 10:46 AM
Sarah says:Perfectly put, Lily! I now stand on my desk for you.
August 14th, 2009 at 10:59 AM
stopthemadness says:oh captain my captain!
first of all. andy reid can suck on my salty chocolate balls.
second of all, STOP DISRESPECTING DONOVAN MCNABB!!
jesus. i guaran-damn-tee, andy reid is going to bench mcnabb atg some point, just like he did last year, and then put Dog Killer(#1) at the helm. Because he’s REALLY going to be able to rally the rest of the team behind him.
Quarterbacks are supposed to be beyond reproach. Fucking angels. At the very least NOT FELONS OR DOG KILLERS! Look at the Manning Brothers… they are so goddamn lily white (not in a racial sense) and saccharinely purrfect that I want to punch them in their stupid faces.
John Elway and his Gary Busey teeth? Again, a leader.
Brett Favre-arhve-reh? Again, a leader. (SOrt of a dimwit who should hang it up already) but, a leader.
Tom Brady? The worse thing he did was knock up Bridget Moynihan and then leave her for Giselle. But as far as I know, he’s still being a father, and not a dooshbag, AND NOT A DOG KILLER.
i mean what the FUCK, eagles? really. What.the.fuck.
I’m so upset that i’m changing CaSes with little regard for form, spelling, and grammar.
tHIS is what YOUV’E TURNED ME INTO!!
BLARGHITY BLARGHITY FUCKITY FUCK.
as to my donny mcnabb point, i’m really sick of people complaining about hiim not winning a superbowl. the way i see it, he is one man on a team of many men. he can’t do it by himself. and quite frankly, the eagles aren’t helping… what with the benching, and then terell oweniness and other assorted fuckery. the way i see it, donny is one of the better quarterback i’ve ever seen…. it just so happens that he happens to have been frequently pitted against Tom Brady, motherfuckin’ Tom, motherfuckin’ Brady. As between two excellent athletes, ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO LOSE. IT’S THE NATURE OF SPORTS.
does that mean you bench a motherfucker? does that mean you hire a motherfuckin’ DOG KILLER?
even NATE DOGG is pissed off. (no, no, he’s not… apparently he just wants scrambled eggs and bacon.)
well I’M PISSED OFF on behalf of Nate Dogg.
i’m pissed off on behalf of the city i grew up in.
Now excuse me while i go and buy stock in campbell’s chunky soup.
[submitted without proofreading]
August 14th, 2009 at 11:00 AM
stopthemadness says:i think i just had a brain aneurysm.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:05 AM
bedbugs and ballyhoo says:Following the logic, (and I use that term extremely loosely here), of Vick, anyone who was abused as a child has the right to grow up and abuse children because that’s how they were raised any they don’t know any better.
What a bunch of asswipes.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:07 AM
Sarah says:Now I stand on my desk again for stm.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:30 AM
TT2 says:STM: well ranted.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:32 AM
stopthemadness says:http://www.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/6264363/16609825
PRETTY MUCH SUMS IT UP.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:48 AM
Mae says:stm, that. was. AWESOME!
i was kinda hoping the lions would pick up pacman jones, vick and TO. i think it would be hilarious to have that group of shit heads on the Lions of all teams. maybe we could get Plaxico out of the Applebee’s parking lot too. It could be like The Longest Yard, except without Burt Reynolds.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:41 PM
justinsloe says:Philadelphia Beagles? Someone’s got to go to the PA booth and strike “Who Let the Dogs Out” from its canon of Jock Jams.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:53 PM
stopthemadness says:philly igglez fans are classy.
::dripping sarcasm::
dogfighting aside, i’m sort of wondering why vick would even want to subject himself to the ire of the igglez fans if he DOESN’T do well.
i guess people are saying there’s a big dog fighting problem in philly. i haven’t lived there since 1992, but this is news to me. and even IF that’s the case, i’m not AT ALL buying this bullshit that he’s going to become some spokesperson against dog fighting and make dog fighters in philly see the error of the ways. are you kidding me? he’s just pissed he got caught and lost money. doing what he did implies a total lack of empathy. i mean, you don’t take child molesters and make them sponsors of megan’s law, do you?
DO YOU?
the answer is no. no you do not.
oh and andy? no one’s buying this “give him a second chance like my sons who are in trouble with the law for drugs.”
drug crimes and the systematic murder of dogs are NOWHERE IN THE SAME FUCKING BALL PARK.
so help me cruise, i feel stabby.
::slurps soup::
August 14th, 2009 at 1:15 PM
Mae says:i love when stm gets all in an uproar.
now, if ya’ll will excuse me! i’m gonna go be a stereotypical white person and be camping and canoeing all weekend. hold the fort down!
August 14th, 2009 at 1:36 PM
stopthemadness says:silly white people with your outdoorsiness.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:41 PM
blah says:If he were convicted of child molestation or rape do you think people would be as accomodating? No. A felon is a felon and a sick fuck is a sick fuck. It takes a certain level of insanity to be able to abuse innocent animals.
We are teaching our children that you can screw up as much as you want, go to prison and still be welcomed back to your old job so long as you pretend you’re sorry. Yeah he’s sorry; he’s sorry that his ass got caught and he’s sorry that his endorsements went out the window. Trust me, in about two years those endorsments will come back. It’s all so nauseating. I’m embarrassed to be a person.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:42 PM
blah says:Mae, I’m going to be on the Appalachian Trail this weekend, so it’s kinda like we’re both camping. We are. Only not.
Whatever, ignore me.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:43 PM
lava says:i bow down to the almighty STM. you put all my feelings and frustrations into an rant so bad ass that i would like to frame it and hang it on my wall, above my tv, or over my computer perhaps, so that i may basque in it’s elegance each and every day.
and also, you know as a lifelong eagles fan i feel a little taken advantage of right now. because you know the powers that be HAD to think “i wonder how the fans will take this” before they even signed his convicted ass. and they had to conclude something like “well the crazy fans will hate it but they’re not giving up on their team. and the CRA-A-AZY fans will think it’s cool and they’re REALLY not going to give up on their team.” And being crazy, lowercase, with one “a,” I’ve got to say they’re absolutely right. It’s sad but true, my license plate will stay ominously displayed on the front of my car. I will chuckle at many a gate guard who notices and makes a comment. I’ll wear my MCNABB, MCNABB beeshes I didn’t say Vick now there will be no changing of jerseys, I WILL still wear my McNabb jersey with pride and keep on cheering.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:43 PM
DonnaMartin says:hahahaha
“I’m embarrassed to be a person.”
it’s true.
i am too.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:46 PM
stopthemadness says:i’m on the verge of quitting the eagles entirely, brokeback mountain-style.
the problem is, as you said, then i’d be quitting mcnabb too. and i just can’t quit mcnabb!
basically, they have disgraced the whole franchise and have brought shame to the players who really don’t deserve this shit. forcing mcnabb to sit there and pretend like he’s cool with it: “it’s the same as when they brought TO here.” that’s what he said. he can’t say anymore. and he wouldn’t. because he’s the goddamn leader of the team. and a classy dewd.
TO was an ASSHOLE who was disrespectful to mcnabb.
oh god…
here comes another brain explosion…
August 14th, 2009 at 1:51 PM
payter says:Isn’t it funny what football does to people?
Even though I think it is nuts Vick is playing, I have to say, all this talk is making me FOOTFALL CRAZY!!
Just make sure no one signs Favre or I might go CR-AA-ZY!!
August 14th, 2009 at 2:08 PM
cooter jean says:THIS. IS. AWESOME. Kudos Lily.
August 14th, 2009 at 2:28 PM
Helen Skor says:I have heard so many people make the argument that he has done his time and that he shouldn’t be penalized by being locked out of the NFL. But here’s the deal . . . If I was convicted of a felony, you can bet your sweet bippy that I wouldn’t have a job to come back to. You see, in the real world, when you commit a felony, it’s hard to find a job. You know why? Because you have fucked up, and you have to face the consequences of your actions. Yeah, Vick went to jail, but I guarantee that he was treated like a hero in there. I just think that this reinstatement to the NFL sends the absolute wrong message to a whole generation of kids who come from challenged backgrounds - essentially that there are no REAL consequences for their actions. And when given the choice between doing the wrong thing or the right thing, they will think of Michael Vick and decide that the doing wrong thing is okay.
August 14th, 2009 at 2:30 PM
lava says:dude! and TO didn’t come to steal his job! yeah so not the same thing… but you’re right he is such a respectable guy that when he should be bricking he’s managing to behave with a whole lot of dignity.
giggling at CR-AA-ZY payter btw :)
August 14th, 2009 at 2:33 PM
lava says:Helen you have such a good point, which I hadn’t even considered. My husband committed lets say an “act” and even though he wasn’t convicted he was basically kicked in the balls by the only company on earth who will hire ANYONE. well now i’m all pissed about that too… good thing it’s happy hour up in hurr…
had to edit to say he was a teenager and i’m not married to a crazy person… ok back to my beer
August 14th, 2009 at 2:36 PM
Cait says:::slow clap for Helen Skor::
Here’s an actual e-mail exchange on the Florida Collie Rescue listserv from earlier today:
From: Cait
Subject: Re: [floridacollierescue] Re: Michael Vick
Certainly the man has fulfilled his debt to society, but should he be immediately rewarded with a multiyear NFL contract?
From your e-mail address, David, I gather that you’re a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan, yes? Answer me this, then. Derrick Brooks was released by the Bucs over the spring - he’s an older linebacker, but still widely considered one of the premiere talents in the league. How is it that a philanthropist/great player like Brooks is still looking for work while Vick - who celebrated his “rehabilitation” by hitting up the nearest strip club with his buddies - lands a cushy contract with the Eagles?
Michael Vick and his younger brother, Marcus, have long illustrated vicious behaviors. While we should absolutely act with compassion and forgiveness, that doesn’t also imply that we as a society should forget or abjectly reward those behaviors - especially without Vick paying the wider world anything more than lip service at this point.
Best,
Cait
Mommy to two rescued collies
New Orleans, LA
— On Fri, 8/14/09, David the Bucs fan wrote:
From: David the Bucs fan
Subject: [floridacollierescue] Re: Michael Vick
First may I say that I am as big a dog lover as all of you are and I absolutely hate any type of animal abuse. I can understand that you are upset that Michael Vick got a job with the Philadelphia Eagles. But I also have to believe that you have faith in the American Justice system and that you are a fair and unbiased person. Mr.Vick was convicted by a jury of his peers and served his time in Federal prison. He has the right to pursue his career now that his imprisonment is over. I am not a fan of his, nor of his team (I actually dislike both of them) but I do respect his right to work. If he assumed a job with NBC as a camera man, would you send out the same sort of e-mail boycotting NBC’s sponsors? If Starbucks was his employer, would you want all of us to boycott them too? Of course you wouldn’t and. I don’t think you are being fair here. There are many famous former felons who have been rehabilitiated and have gone on to become people we admire. For example, Tim Allen of “Tool Time” and Disney Fame spent several years in prison for selling drugs. I’m sure no email has gone out about boycotting any sponsor associated with him. My point is Mr. Vick has the right to assume his career. Maybe you should look at the benefits of his employment in the public eye. If he is truly sincere about his rehabilitation, he can become a person in the forefront of the fight against animal abuse. He could do much more good being in the public spotlight than collecting unemployment and living on food stamps. Gretchen, Americans love the comeback. Mr. Vick has the potential to make a real difference and make up for his sins of the past. We forgive in this country, not perpetuate hatred. One final point, if you are a Christian, we believe in forgiveness. In closing, let’s give this man a chance to work in his chosen profession and give him a chance as well to become a person who can make a difference educating Americans about animal abuse.
Sincerely,
David
August 14th, 2009 at 2:42 PM
TheHobo says:I know nothing of the football that you speak of, but I say down with the dog killer.
Don’t they have linebackers or something who can, you know, take him out? Like, all his defender dudes have to do is not defend on one very special play…than whammo! new QB!
I feel like that works in sports movies at least. Necessary Roughness or that remake of the one where Burt Reynolds is the football player who goes to jail, or, or, or Wildcats! Goldie Hawn would never have signed a dog killer.
August 14th, 2009 at 3:05 PM
Run-DMS says:“A cursory glance at the rest of our society, and the fact that what he was doing was illegal could have easily clued him in to the unacceptable nature of his acts.”
That’s the money quote from the Angry Pink rant.
I’ve noticed how some people are saying the league treated Vick unfairly and the players’ union let him down by not standing up for him. Look at how differently Ben Rothlisberger (or some other player) has been treated, goes the argument.
Well, as STM has said in another context, nowhere in the same [figurative] ballpark. Just off the top my head, I’d say key differences include intent, deliberation, duration and number of incidents. Vick chose to run a dogfighting operation, killed and maimed dogs (or had them killed or maimed), put dogs in “rape stands”, and trained them into vicious monsters, among other things. And he did this over a prolonged period, for profit. What he did wasn’t just a mistake, it was seriously fucked up.
August 14th, 2009 at 3:16 PM
baby fish moUth says:Did he call you Gretchen?
August 14th, 2009 at 3:26 PM
Lily the Pink says:Cait, it’s Dave the Bucs Fan’s sort of logic that is killing my brain right now. That and the point Helen made about it putting him in the position of role model, and your point that it rewards deplorable behavior–OK, the whole thing is still making my head explode in a bad way, but DTBF’s attitude is what’s killing me most at the moment.
If Tim Allen was personally responsible for the sort of cruelty that Vick is, you can bet your sweet ass Disney would NOT have hired him, and if they did, yes, I would have boycotted them. However, Tim distributed drugs to people who willfully purchased them. Had he instead tied down people or animals and shoved cocaine into their mouths until their hearts exploded while beating and otherwise torturing them (or encouraged and paid others to do so), we would have a comparable analogy. As it stands, it isn’t the same thing.
Gahhhh!
August 14th, 2009 at 3:36 PM
stopthemadness says:::nods head in agreement with helen & lily::
next person that compares what vick did to anything other than MURDER or RAPE gets a brick in the face.
IN THE FACE, I SAY.
August 14th, 2009 at 5:15 PM
blah says:You’re damn skippy.
I would like to shed some positive light on this (if there is one), some of the dogs that were rescued were placed in a facility called Best Friends. Best Friends is widely regarded as THEY (pronouce it as “thee”) biggest animal shelter in the country. They’ve got crazy money; like Candy Spelling or Steven Spielburg kind of money. Some of Vicks dogs have been adopted into loving homes. While unfortunately not all those dogs could be saved from a cruel life and death, some did and are thriving.
I’m not on an infomercial or anything, and I’m not Bob Barker, but next time you consider getting a dog or cat, please get one from a shelter. I volunteer at one and I can’t tell you how great those dogs are. They are just victims of unfortunate circumstances beyond thier control.
August 14th, 2009 at 6:31 PM
Lily the Pink says:blah: Yeah, I was going to use one of the photos of those dogs in my post, but I ran into the problem of having to look at photos of them when they were confiscated, or of other victims of Vick and I couldn’t deal with it. My brain shuts down and all I can only think about is wanting to punch Michael Vick in the face. BUT I agree, it’s an awesome program and an amazing story. I think there’s a Discovery show about it.
August 15th, 2009 at 1:33 PM
XENU says:I skimmed through most of the comments on here so if it has already been said, sorry… but perhaps the only reason the Eagles took him, was to end up benching him for the length of his contract. That’s the silver lining I am looking for considering it seems as though the general consensus he is a giagantic fucktard.
August 17th, 2009 at 6:56 AM
Chelsea - PETA Protector says:I have had enough of the Vick boys. Frankly, I’d had enough at Tech with Marcus’ shit. But now, NOW, my team has been violated. And no, if my birds win this year, I won’t be able to support them. So thank you Michael Vick, for fucking up my unwavering support.
Everyone keeps rolling their eyes, thinking the vegan is getting overly emotional, so I’m glad everyone here agrees. Yes, people deserve a second chance at life and forgiveness. But a professional football career is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY. If you fuck it up by abusing animals, you need to understand that it might be gone for good.
August 17th, 2009 at 7:20 AM
shit disturber says:i think frankly, everyone needs to calm down.
let’s change the scenario a bit and see if you still feel the same way:
what if
1) instead of michael vick, it was anthony michael hall.
and what if
2) instead of really cute puppies, they were unattractive puppies, with squinty eyes instead of big shiny brown ones. like “someone should kill those dogs” ugly…
then would you be in such an uproar?
exactly…
;)
-r
p.s. also, koreans shouldn’t be allowed to play football, or people from esat timor, ghana, china, nor should people with hunting licenses, fishermen or anyone who owns cattle farms, chicken ranches, veal farms.
p.p.s. did anyone even address the fact that michael vick can run the 40 in 4.33 seconds???
August 17th, 2009 at 7:54 AM
Lily the Pink says:shit disturber: If it was Anthony Michael Hall and ugly puppies, I’d still be in an uproar, yes.
Additionally, different cultures have different values and standards–each determines its own set of mores, morals and laws. He failed in the eyes of THIS culture. Your argument is nonsensical at best.
August 17th, 2009 at 8:00 AM
baby fish mouth says:Yeah unfortunately that one didn’t quite have the impact you were looking for, sd - I’d be angry if it was Christian Bale and hairless cats, I don’t care. It’s absolutely disgusting behavior.
There is quite a difference between doing something humane and legal for an ecomonic purpose, and doing something cruel and illegal for sport. I think you underestimate the strength of conviction and the consistency of beliefs of the Thundersquee! crowd.
August 17th, 2009 at 8:32 AM
DonnaMartin says:hahahaha shit disturber. are you for real?
August 17th, 2009 at 9:46 AM
stopthemadness says:verrrrrry suspect, mr. disturber. verrrrry suspect indeed!
August 17th, 2009 at 9:56 AM
SeaKat says:I think we need a sign under this here bridge:
“Please don’t feed the trolls.”
August 17th, 2009 at 10:26 AM
baby fish mouth says:My main concern here is that I don’t have to hate Christian Bale just to keep my principles. As long as Bale’s not doing any of this stuff I’m cool.
August 17th, 2009 at 4:13 PM
shit disturber says:okay lily in the pink.
what if it was michael bolton, and the puppies were gay…
now do you see my point?
August 17th, 2009 at 4:24 PM
shit disturber says:baby fish mouth, force feeding a goose 1 kg of dry corn meal by shoving it down its esophogus every day and then killing it and eating its liver is hardly humane, and illegal in most countries but not the US. Raising a cow in a 3×3m area without the space to even turn around, and then killing it all without a fair and speedy trial by its peers is also hardly humane.
and while i may have underestimated your conviction, i clearly overestimated your strength, i recently arm wrestled one of you and won rather easily… stopthemadness, that was you, it was embarrassing really.
August 17th, 2009 at 4:24 PM
SeaKat says:SD,
If the gay puppies were trained to attack Michael Bolton, I think we could support that. Oh, and we insist that they have the same marriage rights that hetero puppies receive.
August 17th, 2009 at 4:25 PM
shit disturber says:donna martin, no…
hence the name :)
-s
August 17th, 2009 at 4:28 PM
DonnaMartin says:wait, what? i want to forcefeed a gay puppy!
or maybe i want to force a gay puppy to eat a guppy.
i forget which.
shit disturber, i know where you live and i KNOW what you did to that sheep that one time. don’t blame it on the wine or the prevalence of sheep where you live.
“-dm”
August 17th, 2009 at 4:30 PM
stopthemadness says:messr. shit disturber:
you want to tell stories. i got stories.
how about that one time we went to the bar and we ordered shots and you had to pass yours behind your back to me so i could do it for you without you losing face in front of the ladies.
::nods head::
oh yes, i gots stories… embarrassing emasculating stories…
August 17th, 2009 at 4:36 PM
SeaKat says:TELL THE ONE ABOUT THE TIME YOU FOUND HIM TRYING ON YOUR PANTYHOSE WHILE DOING THE “SINGLE LADIES” DANCE!!!
What?? I want to play, too.
August 17th, 2009 at 5:08 PM
shit disturber says:seakat, i love you, i was beginning to have doubts anyone could spot sarcasm… can i call you thunderkat!
donna, that was no sheep ma’am, that was a goat. the horns make for good leverage.
stm… touche… let’s leave it at that.
sea, er, thundercat… stop spying on me.
-z
August 17th, 2009 at 9:42 PM
SeaKat says:Of course you can call me thunderkat! Call me “thunder thighs”, though, and Imma findja and imma cutja. :)
And, SD, it’s not spying when you don’t close the blinds!!!
August 18th, 2009 at 6:37 AM
shit disturber says:i AM an exhibitionist…
and i like to be cut ;)
August 18th, 2009 at 12:31 PM
TheHobo says:Shit disturber: I’m not shit, but you still disturb me. :-P