And We’re Getting Stabby About It.

Welp, we thought we’d have this whole “Comments Section” iss-yew handled by now, but nope. We’re still figuring it out. Anyone know a helpful techie who loves to work for free?

In other news, everything sucks and the world* is a horrible place.

*Except for the parts of the world that produce ponycorns, chocolate, rainbows and you guys. We’re cool with those. They don’t suck.

A Valentine’s Day for for almost everyone

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WARNING! The following video contain five times your daily recommended dose of Squee!

I apologize for not being around much. I’ve been sick, but I’m feeling much better now.

We’re Not Purposely Refusing Your Comments. We Would Never.

*thanks to chelsea, for the heads-up.

Tax Edition

Does anybody remember when Obama said we could keep more of our paychecks earlier this year? They started taking out less tax and my check went up almost 20 bucks. Pretty cool right? Well, I just got my taxes done and that shit was not cool. I owe the government $2,000 because they have been taking less tax out of my checks. I didn’t ask them to start taking less, they did it on their own. Now I’m stuck with a crippling tax bill. I’m not a rich person, $50 is a lot of money to me. I don’t know where they get off doing this to people. What about the people who lost their jobs this year? How are they going to handle a huge tax bill? I would have been perfectly happy making $20 less a week to avoid this mess. Thanks Obama, you just completely screwed me.

Liu-Bale

Bow to the power of my cuteness!

AndrewVanBalegarden

Or Does She Want To Eat Her Trainer’s Face?

I don’t have a dog, currently, because I rent. That doesn’t make me less of a “dog person,” though - I know me some dogs. And this one is looking like it’s been harangued. (Is “harangued” a word? Maybe! I don’t actually know; but it seems to fit this dog.) Now, I ain’t no PETA representative (although I get why the people that are, are) but something about this is just not sitting right with me. Ears flat back and all twitchy? That’s a sign that the dog in front of you hates your guts but isn’t willing to take that next step (which is biting your face off.) I don’t know what this person did to make this dog “smile” like this, but I’m pretty sure I’m not cool with it. Anyway. You be the judge.

Leno still looks like crap

I’ll be perfectly honest here, I have never sat through more than 5 minutes of Leno or Conan. Those types of shows just don’t appeal to me in any way. No Leno, Conan, Letterman, Fallon….. nothing. If I’m up that late I’m watching Adult Swim. For that reason I didn’t really pay much attention when the Late Night War began. However, I had to pay attention after awhile because it was all anybody was talking about. As I turned my attention to the war I noticed one thing: Leno is kind of an ass. Also, I can’t stand to look at him. His massive chin gives me nightmares. On the other end of the war Conan came out looking like late night Jesus. Dude is paying his staff six weeks of severance out of his own pocket. I thought gingers didn’t have souls. Does this mean South Park has been lying to me? I wouldn’t cry for Conan though, after this mess there will be a ton of people looking to give him a show.

Ned Flanders-Bale.

What. He’s hot and you know darn-diddily-iddly it.

No one cares

The fairy tale romance of Brooke Hogan and Stack$, her rapper wannabe boyfriend has come to an end. Feel free to take a moment to recover for the shock. I don’t know about you guys but I thought these two had a shot at a long and happy relationship. I’m talking about the kind of epic love that just doesn’t come around too often. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, Kayne West and his CAP LOCK KEY, Ben and Jerry. EPIC love stories one in all.

“Brooke Hogan and Stack$ have split but remain friends. He was a big part of her life for a very long time, and she still cares about him and his family dearly. Brooke would like to thank her fans for their kind words and sensitivity during the break-up.”

Fear not Hulkamaniacs, with her loving fathers help, and his sweet nothing whispers of ‘just the tip’, Brooke will come through this just fine. As a matter of fact, I think given time she will turn her pain into songs and release another album that no one wants buys.

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I hate this time of year….

So, I’m sick today. In my state of misery I can’t think of anything funny to write. I don’t know if anybody will be posting today but I wanted to let you know what’s going on in case there’s no content. Here’s hoping I’ll be well enough to rant in your general direction tomorrow.

Zombie Killer Bale

Slightly NSFW due to brief animated horse peen

WARNING! Listening to this song more than once will lead to it getting stuck in your noggen.

If you decided not to watch it because of some cartoon horse dick,well then I better not show you where the lemonade is made. Sweet lemonade, Mmm sweet lemonade.

The award for the most suggestive movie poster about an underage female band goes to…

If you don’t know who The Runaways are, do yourself a favor and Google them.  If they were still around today they would skull fuck the Jonas Brothers and laugh at them as they ran home to their momma.

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This is why people with no friends shouldn’t have phones

Every body’s favorite see-through shirt wearing douche is at it again. Michael Lohan was arrested today. No, being a complete asshat is not illegal now. Michael was arrested for violating his restraining order. Again. He didn’t violate the restraining order his ex-wife and super mom Dina Lohan has against him. The order he violated this time is the restraining order his ex-girlfriend Erin filed for. Much like the order Dina has against him, Erin’s restraining order states that Michael cannot have any communication with her at all. That means no phone calls, no letters, no holding a boom box above your head outside her bedroom window. Nothing. You hear that Michael? She doesn’t want anything to do with you! It seems that his Right Said Fred shirt has interfering with Michael’s ability to comprend this. Oh well, maybe some day he’ll dislodge his head from his ass. One can dream.

007 Bale

Can I take your order?

Don’t let me die with a crappy song on the radio

The other night I was driving home from work when I hit a patch of ice on a bridge and started to lose control of my car. It had been snowing for a few hours that night and the roads were pretty crappy. I live in Michigan, a state so broke that they have decided to cut back on sending out the snowplows this winter because they don’t have enough money to buy diesel and salt.  Yes Michigan!

Anyhoo.

As the back end of my car started coming around and I found myself starting to slide sideways down a steep bridge the Bryan Adams song Everything I do I do it for You from the Kevin Costner Robin Hood movie was playing. I used to be a Bryan Adams fan. He had some good songs and it’s not that I even dislike that song but at that moment I had an odd thought.

If I were to die right now is that really the last song I want to hear as I shuffle off this mortal coil?

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